Nah, not bad. She has a lot of piercings already so I was surprised (shocked? Silly of me) to see a new one. So many kids have these as well as tattoos. But she’s happy to be expressing herself and among a group of kids who are also accepting and supportive of self-expression. It’s the community she has always wanted so I’m happy for her. She assures me that when she goes to look for jobs when she’s near graduation that some jewelry will be removed. 
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That is simply awesome! Excited for your kiddo and agree, it must be a relief.
Heading into week two and I am also relieved, and frankly impressed, with how quick my son has adapted (or at least appears to be) to college and the pace of the quarter system. Several quizzes and apparently a full blown test done. He has taken the recommended studying habits to heart @ 2hrs per unit…let’s see if he can maintain 
. But by all accounts he is digging his classes while navigating his schedule both academic and social. Oh, and waking up on time.
Clubs are coming on. Went to one this weekend (didn’t appear to be his fit) but looking forward to another this week and filling out his application and resume for another. He has not had a resume so this is a solid life lesson for him as well.
Being SLO, it seems hiking is practically mandatory. Now, I don’t remember it being such a thing back in the day, other than an occasional, possibly sudsy, stroll to to the Poly P. But samo for my kid, a bunch of hikes with some very long ones over the weekend.
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This is quickly spinning from Scooter Saga to Scooter Gate…
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I have twin freshman and, 7 weeks in for son, 5 weeks in for daughter, they are having very different successes and frustrations. Son is thriving socially. Quickly hit it off with all suitemates, lots of friends on his hall, always having fun. A little too much going out, but I don’t say a word. He tells me he is going to all classes and has good grades in 3, but the other two are harder than he thought. He has met with his teachers and seems to think it will be ok, but he isn’t finding academic passion or anything so far.
Daughter is in academic paradise and raves about her first year seminar, professors, advisors, and classes. She applied for the school paper and got a position as a news writer. Yay! She also is working with the student art and culture magazine, and is excited about that. She joined a sports club, but is struggling to juggle practice with academics and other commitments. She is applying for summer internships and doing great in her classes, but struggling to narrow down areas of interest (this child seriously wants to major in everything… anthropology, government, classics, religion, middle eastern studies, etc….I know where her nexus of interest is, but it’s not a clear major). Socially she has not yet found her people. She gets along with her roommate and has made friends in various settings, but is not part of a “friend group” yet. She has a few people she meets for coffee, and has people she likes, just no strong bonds. I recognize it’s early, but I know she is anxious to have stronger connections. It will come, but patience can be hard when you feel lonely thousands of miles from home.
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D24 is in the same conundrum at her school and feels like she is being left out of the fun stuff for not being part of “friend groups”. Most of it is due to the fact that she is overwhelmed with her course load and not able to find time to hang-out due to conflicts and still hasn’t come out of the socially awkward shell she imposed on herself in the 5 weeks she has been there. Only solace for us is that she is only 45 mins away from us so we as parents are able to meet her almost every week as she is craving home food and we are happy to drop off over weekends.
Combine that with a couple of weeks of being under the weather after move-in, adjusting to “adulting” in a new place, a very demanding first semester workload as part of an accelerated honors program has made it a very frustrating time for her and for us parents too.
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Going off to college is a HUGE adjustment!
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My guy Harlan Cohen has a video for that (that I sent to my kids, who is in the same boat, absolutely convinced everyone has locked in their ride or dies - except her) Harlan Cohen on Instagram: "College Tip 1252: If you think everyone has already made their friends... #friends #college"
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S24 has been sick 4 times already it is nuts. Covid the first week, and then three back to back viral illnesses with only a few days of feeling “normal” in between. It is so hard for them to acclimate when they are not feeling well. Makes everything so much harder.
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Thank you all for your kind words of support and shared wisdom.
to be honest, we expected D24 to “struggle” easing into the college life as she is more of an introvert and socially anxious and is happy to be invisible if left alone. At the same time, she was looking forward to have a fresh start at college. She already made a day trip out of town(with other freshmen) for an assignment, attended career fair, auditioned for club roles and even showed up at a frat party 
which tells me that she is trying her best to soak it all in.
we just need to let her experiment and have her figure out what works best for her personality. Good thing is she is comfortable sharing everything with us but also putting a brave face to not make us(parents) worry.
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Dorms are basically large-scale Petri dishes. But hopefully your S24 builds up a little more immunity to those folks over time (and I think that is a reasonable hope).
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This describes my D24 to a T (though no frat parties at her school.) I keep reminding her this is the hardest thing she’s ever done, and she’s killing it! Putting herself in places she wants to be will help her find other people with those same interests.
She is still trying to find a work study job, and had gone to her prof’s office hours (!!) to get advice, and the prof said if the one position didn’t work out that she could hire her, so she followed up on that with an email today. Even just reaching out like this is huge growth for her. One of my many mantras is “growth comes from discomfort” and she is certainly growing with all of these new experiences.
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Mine has been sick too! 3 times so far, each different and yucky. I did not send enough cold med variations in the original box. Mucinex ended up being the magic solution for one cold when it had never worked for her before. Definitely a challenge to keep up educationally and socially!!
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My oldest child attends the same college as your daughter, I think. She is a junior now and has a really strong friend group–but those people didn’t come into her life until
spring semester first year. In fact the group she hung out with in the Fall ended up pretty much all splintering off in different directions, friend wise, which I think makes sense–your first group are the folks who you ride out the transition with and as you learn more about the community and your interests your closer friendships emerge. My kid found her folks through student government and rugby; I hope your daughter makes those close connections soon.
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Thank you for this. I think that is likely what will happen for my daughter, too (she is at Smith). I am really hoping that writing for the Sophian will help her make strong connections, and she also has applied to write for a student run culture and art magazine. These seem like good places to find her people. She is in a pretty quiet house, but I’m hoping Sib Week and an upcoming house party will help, too. She is fine, and tells me she is “solid,” and it isn’t like she is totally lonely. Some of the “groups” she was in for orientation and such have already splintered, just as you describe. It will come, and in all likelihood I am more anxious about it than she is. 
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I think there is a lot of up and down first semester. At times S24 has seemed to be doing well, other times he is discouraged because his new friendships aren’t deep like his existing ones (had to remind him he has only been there for 5 weeks). He is still working on expanding his social circle but it can be challenging. We’ve had a lot of sickness, so that has kept him feeling down at times (finally, looks like that is in the rearview mirror). Hugs to all our kiddos who are learning to find their way.
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To be fair, I used to work at a school - one of the private elites you would all know if I mentioned the name - where faculty would call support staff to locate students who were late for tests. This was/is one of the most selective schools in the nation, but once in the students were well cared for.
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To be fair, I used to work at a school - one of the private elites you would all know if I mentioned the name - where faculty would call support staff to locate students who were late for tests. This was/is one of the most selective schools in the nation, but once in the students were well cared for.
Reminds me of a story from the dark ages, back when the final exam schedule was a large computer printout - the kind with green and white stripes and holes on the side - taped to a lobby wall in a classroom building. I went to double-check the time for my final and Oh No, it was the day before! I ran up the stairs to the prof’s office, arriving out of breath, and blurted out that I had missed the final. He laughed, “we would have called you!” Like, they had my phone number? I had no idea, LOL. (I had looked at the wrong line on the computer printout.)
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I went to boarding school for high school and there was a boy in my class who was always sleeping late and missing our history class. One day, our teacher marched our whole class to Will’s dorm room, we gathered outside quietly and then burst in screaming to get Will out of bed. Not the kind of thing you could get away with today but very funny and effective.
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So S24 is back home for a “Fall Break” (which is basically just a Monday and Tuesday off, but OK). Lots of great updates, but basically the overall picture we had gotten seemed accurate. He has gotten good grades so far (the ones that count–grade inflation!), he is loving the club sports, and he is finding he is more into hanging out in dorm rooms or going to other smaller group gatherings than bars or big organized events. Generally his time is pretty much booked up at this point, but he is sleeping well and staying organized. So, so far so good.
He did let us know that his brief period toying with possibly being pre-med is over. The one-credit pass-fail (grade inflation!) pre-health informational seminar he added seems to have done its job explaining the realities of that path, and that profession, and it is not for him. However, he is still talking about maybe going into health industries generally, just not as a health provider himself, which is interesting.
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