You guys…I have an update about what we will now call the Scooter Saga.
With the departure of our 1st born child out of the nest and firmly planted in college (texted w/her earlier, she & roommate are getting lunch at Chipotle today off campus), it appears that my DH is in the throes of some sort of midlife crisis.
This past weekend, he took a 2-day motorcycle riding safety course, which is required in this state in order to get a motorcycle driver’s license/permit. He then fell under the spell of a sales guy at a motorcycle dealership attached to the place where they were doing the class (which DH took on, like, THE hottest weekend of the year; it was 114 on Saturday), and came home telling me that not only does he now NOT want a scooter, he NEEDS a motorcycle that’s “properly fitted to him” and was babbling a whole bunch of other ridiculous nonsense.
Motorcycle Mike (sales guy, not his real name) also pressured DH to call me right then and there to convince me to say ok to buying it because there was a special sale for JUST THAT DAY ONLY! and then the price goes up by $2000.
The answer from yours truly, Grumpy Wife, was a big fat NO. 
Then much moaning & groaning & gnashing of teeth and grumpy words exchanged between Husband & Grumpy Wife and he has now backed off somewhat and agreed to buy a gas-powered scooter instead.
Why did this whole thing start? Because First Born Child expressed interest 3 weeks ago in having her own transportation at college for next school year.
Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “Who are you and why have you replaced my normal husband with somebody who wants to join the Weekend Crazy Old Man Biker Gang?”
What does he want this contraption for? To ride to the gym. And to Circle K to get a soda. Um…you can’t use a CAR for that? And where the heck are you going to store your Circle K soda since there’s NO CUP HOLDER ON A MOTORCYCLE OR SCOOTER?!
Oh. My. GOSH!
Meanwhile, we have other odds & ends in our garage of Husband’s hobbies over the many years we’ve been married. Is he willing to part ways with any of these treasures so there’s room for a scooter in the garage? OF COURSE NOT! Such as:
- snow skis, poles & boots from 25 yr ago when we (BC, before children) had time and disposable income for that sort of thing. I got rid of mine 8 years ago. I have no intention of ever going skiing again because I’m not in shape for that and I don’t want to break a leg.
- lousy set of golf clubs from 26 yr ago when DH decided to go golfing a few times with a college friend of his. He’s used these golf clubs probably 5-6 times in total.
- table saw and a myriad menagerie of other random woodworking tools from March 2020 when the world shut down because of COVID and Husband went on a crazy home improvement-themed frenzy because he was going stir crazy and wanted to “build stuff.” Has he actually made anything we’ve used? No.
- 4 sheets of plywood purchase at Home Depot in March 2020 for all of the “amazing backyard furniture” he was going to build himself.
- a camping hammock purchased from Costco. Why? “Just in case.” Just in case of what…in case we go camping? WE NEVER GO CAMPING, people! I’m allergic to camping. This is the sort of hammock that you set up between 2 trees. What. The. Heck.
The Husband has another play date after work this evening with Scooter Steve. The Husband also did an in person consultation with his old work buddy, Goldwing Gary (who has a goldwing motorcycle), who, along with Big Bike Brad (buddy from elementary school), thinks that huge expensive motorcycles are way safer and because Goldwing Gary and Big Bike Brad say so, I should change my mind and go along with spending a hoard of dough for The Husband’s Midlife Crisis Vehicle, which I think I will call Insanity Irene.
Meanwhile, how’s the kid doing? She’s great. Everything is fine there. But here at Casa ‘My Husband Has Lost His Mind,’ it’s a little nutty.
Pray for me.