That sounds like a complete jerky move. Does the school not accept AP BC Calculus scores?
She took AB, so she would still need the class. But thatās life. Hope she can salvage a B-, but we will see. Honestly, it sounds like the prof is not very good, but if she can at least get a C and pass, Iām fine with that since in this case, Cs make degrees! Last true math class she needs to take. So thatās good. Next year on to other challenging coursesā¦.
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Iāve discussed this a lot with S24. In fact, he keeps noticing these premed first-years who present as grinders and who in fact stay up late āstudyingā (it is not always clear what that actually involves), but then often get up late and miss classes. Definitely seems like an inefficient way to go about school, and in fact they often seem to be among the kids getting results they wish were better.
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Iām amazed when mine tells me how many miss class. Some seem to have āgotchaā attendance methods, but not sure how much it works. Building those relationships with professors and classmates is a key part of the experience. I wonder if itās gotten worse since Covid with them recording lectures, makes it really easy to skip. Iād think it becomes a bad habit to break and one they may regret when you need these relationships for research and LOR, etc.
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D24 told me that most kids would probably get Aās in lower level humanities classes if they show up to class, do the work and put in some effort. But many dont because they just dont feel like it.
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My kids both were amazed how many others skip classes. I worried D24 would get into that habit, but she did not. In fact at one point, I walked her through leaving class early, because she wasnāt sure she was allowed. Others were and had been all semester. It was an art class and when you were done with the drawing, you were done. She would sit there and read a book or something until the end of the class time. Finally, she did get up and leave when done! lol.
She has been home for 2 weeks and just found a summer job. Iām glad she was able to find something. I donāt actually care how many hours she ends up with, but we are hoping for 20 or so.
Sheās signed up for an online calculus 3 class and will study for the chemistry CLEP test as well. So I think she has a full summer with plenty of time to hang out with friends as well.
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Iāll be honest, I sort of view it as a slap in the face. Mine didnāt need to hear it, but I still felt compelled to say it. When he gave up a full-ride with stipend basically paying him to go to school for the full-pay that was a better fit - I expect you to eke out everything the next four years has to offer and that most definitely includes attending class.
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My son texted me at 2am that the average for his second linear algebra test was a 57!! Did t tell me what he got but it also will be curved. Craziness
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S24 is home. So are all his belongings. They seem to have multiplied.
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Re: D24ās roommate skipping a lot of French class, D24 also said that apparently in high school, the roommateās parents had to wake her up every day for school. Roommate also sets 5 different alarms in order to wake up. Dang.
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My D24ās Physics exam was brutal and she ended up with a C+ in the class. Her first ever C. Sheās feeling disappointed with herself, as I think she knows she could have worked harder. I had really hoped this moment would have come for her earlier in her school career (9th or 10th grade), as I think it is an important and sometimes necessary thing for very bright kids, who have never had to work very hard, but better late than never, right? Onwardā¦
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S24 home at last after spending ābeach weekāat Myrtle beach with his club sport team. Second semester was a lot better socially, although he is still hoping for some deeper connections next year. Academically he did very well- to be frank I donāt think he had to work particularly hard but am hoping for more of a challenge next year. Heās decided on an economics major with a stats minor. Still on track to finish in 3 years if he wants. And he just got a job at our local state park which makes his parents happy.
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1 nice bonus feature to D24 being home:
She can pick up her sister from school at 11:30 am all this week (M-Th). 
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How quickly things can change in 24 hrs hrs.
This is going to be long.
D24 failed chemistry. Got C- in English, B- in French, and a C in 2nd sem Bio. Talked with her for LONG time. There are LOTS of problems:
- D24 revealed that her mental health this semester has gotten pretty bad
- Apparently sheās been feeling kind of depressed since 9th grade and has been afraid to tell us this entire time. For this, I feel intensely guilty and feel like a horrible parent.
- sheās intensely sad about the challenges sheās had trying to meet boys. Has been brave enough to even ask boys out but always gets turned down. Feels now like thereās something wrong with her and that kind of spirals downward from there.
- doesnāt leave her dorm room except to go to class or choir practice.
- never eats in person in dining hall. Always gets food to go and eats alone in her room.
- had plans to get chem tutoring at start of semester. Didnāt do anything about it until 2 months into semester. Same thing happened in the fall.
- asked for help in getting some mental health help.
- begged us to not force her to return home, to please let her stay at her college and to give her another chance
- Said that despite everything, she does have friends she really likes and feels like the college is becoming a home.
A few other things:
- from my observation, she goes home for weekend with roommate about every other weekend. I think this is a problem.
- has gym membership, but she and roommmate hardly ever go. College does have gym but itās only for athletes. No on campus gym for non-athletes.
- had mega crush on a senior guy in the choir. Consulted with her girlfriends in choir who all assured her that her radar wasnāt off, heās super into you. Told guy sheās super interested in him, asked him out. Guy politely said thanks but Iām not interested and āoh I get this a lot. A lot of people seem to think that Iām interested in them.ā This resulted in her feeling intensely nauseous for 4 days after that, and she didnāt eat for 24 hours after that encounter.
- asked her if sheās had thought of harming herself. Said emphatically no and I believe her.
- suggested that she consider changing her major and being open to pursuing additional interests. Kid is stubborn as heck and insists that sheās not changing her major or shifting gears to another field. Ok well if nothing changes academically speaking, kiddo, youāll flunk out, will lose your scholarship, and you WILL be moving home at that point.
- will be helping her today to make a well woman apppintment, a PCP appointment, and hopefully a psychiatry appointment.
- Iāve suspected for awhile that maybe thereās some ADHD going on. D24 insists that is not the case.
- D24 will be going out for lunch with 2 HS girlfriends tomorrow. Has no other plans to meet up with other HS friends.
- Kid said it feels like everybody else has their act together and that sheās the only one struggling. Says that sheās tried telling her college friends about this but that it feels like they donāt quite understand how hard itās really been.
- Iāve reached out to the college counselor at our HS asking for some advice on how to proceed because this is new territory for me.
- DH keeps talking about grad school this, grad school that, how ānow she wonāt get into grad school anywhere.ā Had stern words with him in private late last night about this, said that we have bigger more pressing problems right now than that.
- D24 doesnāt want anybody to know about this.
- DH thinks that psychiatry is āa waste of time, all theyāre gonna do is pump her full of drugs and itās going to do nothing and she just needs to suck it up and deal with it.ā Had more stern words with him about that too. Told him she IS going to be seeing a psychiatric provider and thatās that. Because if youāre sick with something, you go to the doctor. You donāt try to pretend that everythingās fine when itās not. My MIL did that for decades with a chronic non-mental health medical problem and that didnāt go well for her.
I think thatās enough for now. 
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Iām so, so sorry to hear this news. All of our D24ās mental health and boy problems this past year were right on the surfaceābut your daughter should know that they are ubiquitous! Young women are having a hard time right now, with all the toxic media stuff, and the changed culture where boys want to hook up rather than date. (The answer for most of the girls is that they simply donāt want a dating life, if what it means is hooking up). There are good young men out there, but they are rare. As for changing the majorāif you could convince her to go halfway and just take some easier/more fun classes next semester, even if they arenāt all requirements, maybe she would see the light and realize that a college major is not supposed to torment you. And graduate school (of any kind) is totally not out of the question nowāas long as she finds an academic subject that she truly enjoys and gets up in the morning to pursue. D24 is majoring in psychology, which she loves, and the understanding is that she will go to grad school. Thatās how it works with a lot of the more human-focused fields now. There are so many to considerāinternational relations, communications, healthcare administration. I recommend that she just take interesting sounding classes next semester! (I am a prof at a regional universityāso I do work with a lot of people who need to change their majors, find their fulfillment in academics, etc.). Iām so sorry sheās having problemsāshe seems like a really good and with-it person from your posts.
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PS My daughter is on Prozac, as am I. We have a family history of depression, and no amount of denial changes our brain chemistry.
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@sbinaz Iām so sorry to hear this news. As a mom of two girls, I wholeheartedly agree with this:
You may one day look back at the poor grades as a blessing, as they were the catalyst for your daughter finally opening up to you about her struggles. We had a similar ācome to Jesusā moment with our D24 in 10th grade and in retrospect, Iām so thankful for it, as we were able to address the issues and get her help. Your daughter is so lucky to have your support and resourcefulness. Sending you ((hugs))ā¦I truly do know exactly how you are feeling right now.
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@sbinaz - she is lucky to have you and Iām so glad that she talked to you. In addition to the fantastic resources you are seeking for her, you can contact the Dean of Students at your daughterās college - I canāt remember where she is, so I donāt know if there are additional resources - to help her with support, time management, etc. Sending my best for a supportive summer -
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This is an unfortunately common issue. Talk therapy is a wonderful first step. Please find her a therapist who is able to meet with her in person and discuss specific changes she can make. Medication is very helpful but working through issues with someone who only has your interests in mind is an extraordinary help.
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Iāll just echo she is not remotely alone, and your instinct of bring in professional help is obviously the right one.
In fact combining these thoughts, these issues are so common for young people, I am not sure describing it as an individual mental health problem is even quite right anymore. Not that there has ever been a true golden era, but there are very clearly a host of often related issues that have been building among kids for years, and unfortunately in many ways seem to have been accelerated by COVID.
So to me it feels very much like a broader social problem, and while it is affecting some kids more than others, most I know of have had at least some serious effects.
Anyway, I am rambling, I guess I just want to emphasize that bringing in some professional help for problems like this does not at all require an exceptional case. It is regrettably all too normal.
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