Agreed. And this in a weird way turns the notion of “safety” on its head. For some families a really selective school like, say, Colgate, might be a huge reach for acceptance, but one of the few places the family can afford.
We live in a place where in-state tuition is extremely high, and in a rural area where community college is not an easy option. We recognize that the whole system won’t be set up to cater to our peculiar circumstances. We’ll make something work. But what’s killing us is the delay and the lack of time to develop and consider options.
One twin has a legit interest in doing National Guard. But he applied to colleges across numerous states to find an affordable option. The recruiters have informed him that he can’t wait until late May to enlist. In fact it’s too late now. But he doesn’t know if the guard’s tuition assistance would even close the gap. And it doesn’t make sense to sign up for the guard in one state and go to college 500 miles away.
If aid letters had gone out when they were supposed to he would have at least had options. He’s willing to bootstrap. But they aren’t even letting him do that.
This has “Hey grandson congratulations I enrolled you at Lehigh and Syracuse!” written all over it (and I say that as someone who’d love dearly for my dad to still be around to man portals for us).
I just want someone else to do all my grading until final decisions are in. I generally have to exert more willpower to buckle down ANYWAY during the Spring pollen event, but this level of lethargy is off the charts!
Not that you need me to tell you this, but to me this is by far the biggest problem with the US college system. Everyone who is qualified and who would benefit from a college education should have some sort of quality, practical, affordable option. It should really be a community college for all sorts of reasons including allowing people to live and work from home while attending college. But if your state is going to rely on residential colleges for good chunks of the population, then they should make sure they are affordable at least based on need.
So I know my state does not meet this standard for significant chunks of the state, nor do many others. And that is something that really bothers me.
I shared with my supervisor that I couldn’t believe how much mental space having a senior was taking up - she totally understood having had her second graduate last year… and I am teaching a class and I feel you on the grading!
Can you and NiceUnparticularMom come talk to my S24 please? It sounds like you did a great job, and how nice that your S24 recognizes the peer influence, and recognizes that he should make the best choice for him. He sounds like a very mature kid.
Resisting peers and not getting caught up in prestige competition is SO hard for high school seniors. I am proud of my D24 applying ED to a school that was NOT a super high reach, and resisting the urge to aim for reachier schools. And I am proud of my S24 for figuring out what would make him happy and applying to those schools. But I suspect he is struggling to make a decision because his true favorite is not considered “prestigious” by his peers (I think his peers are wrong, but I’m just a parent, so obviously I really don’t know anything). In fact, one of his friends told him she thought his top choice is “ghetto.” (What does that even mean? The school very definitely is not in a ghetto.)
On another note, if you want some more completely irrelevant factors for your son’s decision, I very selfishly am cheering for Amherst because my D24 will be in the 5 college consortium and then maybe we can meet up for a fancy cocktail
The casual, cruel, dismissive comments from peers who really have no idea what they are talking about truly irk me. As a smart, wise kid you do all this work to do the right thing, namely identify schools which fit you well and are not insanely hard to get into, and then some peer undermines it all in an instant with a thoughtless remark. Not helpful!
But for sure, the NiceUnparticularRents have no secret formula for besting peer influence. We have tried to be clear and consistent in our own views, fortunately S24’s college counselor was both very authoritative and very on message as well, so the adult voices have been aligned. But at best that gives us a fighting chance to be heard, definitely not to completely crowd out peer influence.
And between us parents–S24 didn’t apply anywhere I would be concerned about him thriving. So even if he ends up choosing his actual school for reasons I would not personally endorse, it is surely going to work out fine.
Which I guess is a bit of practical wisdom learned. Maybe try to make sure the application list itself is as consistently solid as possible (in light of what you know about the kid’s own values and preferences, and very much in light of what you can comfortably afford). Because if you time it right that may be your best opportunity for productive conversations.
So far our experience is once the actual offers start rolling in, the peer voices start getting much louder.
Oh, and apparently the VeryParticularGirlfriend is now chiming in based on things like break schedules and driving distances from her college and so forth. So far that appears to be more irritating than influencing S24, but that is going to be interesting too . . . .
While I’d love for S24 to have someone in his life, I’m glad not to be dealing with the girlfriend issue. HS relationships typically have a “sell by” date so it makes little sense to make your college decision based on the input from a gf that isn’t all that likely to remain in the picture – but try telling that to a HS kid. I don’t envy you on this one.
Speaking of significant other relationships, S24 has had a very serious boyfriend all year. Bf is a year ahead and is a freshman at a university close to where we live.
I’ve been worried that S24 was going to have issues with attending college far away (which will certainly be the case; though he hasn’t made a final decision, he intentionally didn’t apply anywhere in-state or close to in-state).
But they have decided to break up around the time S24 graduates. They are both sad, but they see the landscape ahead. They seem to be very into each other, so I applaud how responsible they both are being.
Oh, sorry to hear about the situation with the GF. S24’s girlfriend is a high school junior and she has kept mum on the topic as far as I know. Apparently, she is following S’s lead. He is expressing more enthusiasm for staying closer to home recently and I do hope that’s not why but what can I do? I’m just the parent here and our influence is waning with every passing day…I’m just grateful that this high school relationship isn’t distracting either one of them from school right now. They are good peer pressure for each other.
I’m always impressed when I hear about kids making that decision or at least being realistic about the long term prospects for their HS relationship once college starts. I definitely would not have been that mature at that age.
No relationship issues with DS24 but his older brother who’s applying to grad schools has a girlfriend in Colorado…at one of the programs he applied to and got into. Which is not the program he likely would pick otherwise, but definitely might because of the GF. I am being very, very careful not to express an opinion about what I think he should do (which is fairly easy, because I don’t really HAVE an opinion). The last thing I want to happen is for him to pick a school in another city and break the news to her starting with, “my mom says…” in an attempt to deflect responsibility. I’m trying to stay both neutral and unquotable.
D24 should be hearing from Bowdoin, Swarthmore, and Smith today, which I think makes this the single biggest decision day for her. That said, after Wednesday’s results, the pressure is mostly off. If anything, getting into additional schools and having having even more options would be both good (more likely to find the best school) and bad (a more complicated, fraught decision-making process), not that anyone should feel the smallest iota of pity for students “burdened” with having to choose among great options.
“Special” is a clumsy, vague, and often lazy word to describe any particular college. That said, Bowdoin is kind of special. Of all the colleges we’ve looked at, it’s the one that I myself might most want to attend if I were three decades younger.
Fingers crossed for everyone waiting for news today! S24 would have heard from four schools today had he not applied ED, including his three favorites.
