<p>‘losers’ happen to be everyone else who does not see (or may not see) things the same way another does due to incomplete information…</p>
<p>Let’s say you inherit oodles of money and build a mansion for one reason or another. Do you give the story of Great Aunt Bertha and how she left you $2M in her will, or do you only socialize with a very small number of coworkers whom you can trust? (real story here). </p>
<p>If someone in a position of authority over you never heard of Great Aunt Bertha, good luck with your next salary review (why does HE need a raise) or layoff avoidance maneuver (why does SHE need to work? her husband works too and they have this money from Great Aunt Matilda or some such)…</p>
<p>Some information by itself is meaningless (grades or salaries); other information, closely related, is not so meaningless (say, amount of savings in the bank or amount of prep required to get the 2350). Since most people are risk averse, they tend to not place much difference between the two…</p>
<p>I don’t say anything. It’s no one’s business if my mansion comes from Great Aunt Bertha’s fortune or my own hard work. My hypothetical mansion doesn’t need to be explained or justified to anybody, so I’m having a hard time seeing what I “need” to say to anyone about it. Likewise, if I find out a coworker lives in a mansion or whatever – good for them. It’s not my business to speculate on how much they make or where their money comes from.</p>
<p>My MIL always had the saying “Don’t count anyone’s money except your own.” I think that’s excellent advice.</p>
<p>That’s an unprofessional workplace. My salary / bonuses / raises (or, on the other hand, layoffs, heaven forbid) are predicated on how well I do my job. Whether my spouse makes $20,000, $200,000 or $2 mil is irrelevant to that, as would be any inheritances from relatives.</p>
<p>It’s called a ‘realistic’ workplace, whatever that may be. If you think such factors do not play into the workplace decision process, be it raise, layoff, or advancement, then you have lived a most fortunate life.</p>
<p>In my experience and my wife’s experience at the workplace with several companies, mostly Fortune 500’s, factors such as spouse employment status, children, and the like play into decisions like layoffs and raises all the time. They’re not any different than the intangibles or EC’s that colleges look for in admissions. Sometimes, the decisions are ‘need blind’ (to quote CC lingo) but more often than not, they aren’t. </p>
<p>Given a large enough company and sustained enough layoffs one could easily see how such things enter into the picture… ‘Chance me’, anyone </p>
<p>Memo to self: fresh flowers for Great Aunt Bertha’s tomb tomorrow…</p>
<p>I was a director at a Fortune 50 company (household name) before leaving for a small boutique company. I agree that there might be some sympathy factor when it came to layoffs (who wants to lay off the guy who is the single provider and has a disabled kid and relies on our health insurance?), but when it came to raises and promotions? No, no one denied someone a raise because his or her spouse had a good job or because they had a rich great aunt Bertha.</p>
<p>I was born here but my family in Europe, and they consider boasting (sp?) to be impolite. But, this is about here and sharing such info as salary and scores is indeed “tacky”. Just be gracious and deflect the question.</p>
<p>Interesting turn of a thread. I’ve spent much time in boardrooms and occupy a csuite office. Corporate America is about attracting and retaining top talent, and motivating them when you have them. At top levels, that’s highly individualized. Do the motivators of individuals get discussed? Yes. Does that include personal situations those individuals are managing to? Yes. It’s a factor. From incentives, to timing of payments (golden handcuffs), to working arrangements (telecommuting , dual cities , expense reimbursement ) etc. Many personal items are considered in how packages are put together. More prominent at the top, yes, but a factor for consideration with any values employee. </p>
<p>And less of a factor when someone is not as values by their professional superiors.
That’s been my experience in 30 years of management.</p>
<p>Some may not like being directly asked about kids scores but I find the sharing of information helpful in the attainment of knowledge. We’re in a fairly rural area & the understanding of what scores mean is not well understood by the majority of students & parents. This leads to many students & parents being “astonished” that their student who is 5th in their class but has a 1250 SAT score doesn’t get in any of the top schools. By knowing where past & present students get in with what scores is benificial in their education. I know many will say that this info is readily available on the web but until you associate it with people you know & your own kid, they can be just numbers. I really don’t see what the big deal is about answering the SAT question honestly? Why are people offended? Of course I have been in education for 27 years where there are no secrets.</p>
<p>It is irrelevant if this question is called “rude” or your answer is politically correct. The only relevant answer is the one you want to give. If you feel like it you can say what it is, if not, you do not say what it is. however, if you decide to reveal your kid’s score, you got to get permission from your kid to do so, this is the only releveant aspect. If your kid does not give you permission, you have no right to reveal his score, end of discussion.</p>
<p>Like others here I don’t think it’s necessarily rude depending on the situation or the person asking. I think it can be an intrusive question. We always answered by saying “he met his goal” or “he seemed to do better on the SAT format then the ACT format”, and then ask how their students college search is going. Usually they just want to talk about college and have stumbled into a question that was too personal, sometimes without intending to. The actual information isn’t important, it’s the conversation about shared interest. If they are really digging for intel, I am still going to treat it as the above.</p>
<p>People don’t ask me much, but kids ask my younger daughter what grade she received on class tests all the time. She usually shares that information, and last year when other kids asked what her soph PSAT score was, she didn’t know how to respond. SAT scores come out in a couple of days, and I am going to talk with her about how to deflect questions she may not want to answer.</p>
<p>Oh, and Bay, since you’re asking - </p>
<p>D1 - SAT 700, 680, 680, ACT 33
S - SAT 680, 650, 610, ACT 31</p>
<p>^This is not healthy when kids discuss academic standing. My D’s friends never discussed any academics and more so academic standings. Don’t they have something better to talk about? My D. did not know her standing until graduation when she got 2 parents awards for being #1. No official ranking, no val., no sal., no discussions. No parents ever asked me either, not at D’s school, not in her sport team. I bregged about her score to my closest friend, but I knew that it was OK, since she also has shared without me asking and it was OK with my D. This is the best way, no competition, just do your best.</p>
<p>lol mamabear,
I wasn’t planning to ask you, because like me, you appear to believe that information is personal (but maybe I misinterpreted?)</p>
<p>I just think it is funny that when I asked the 3 posters on this thread who think asking about scores is not rude or a big deal, did not tell me their kids’ scores when I asked them! Why is that?</p>
<p>I would consider asking how someone’s kid did on the SAT <em>IF</em>, and only if, they were asking me my advice about admissions to particular schools. Otherwise, I would tend to point them towards information that would let them figure out what scores were needed on their own, such as the CDS. I have a few close friends who spontaneously shared that info when discussing their kids’ application plans and strategies. In one case, I spent a lot of time helping the kid with his essays.</p>
<p>I don’t recall anyone else asking me what S got, other than the same friends in the context of assessing their kids’ chances at the same places S applied.</p>
<p>turbo, among the people in my life who do NOT know my kids’ SAT scores:
next-door neighbors/friends with same-age kids
my parents
my siblings
my husband’s sibling
my FIL
all but one of the guys’ college-age cousins (and the one who does know is who I am helping with selective college applications)</p>
<p>Who does know:
CC
a couple of dear friends with kids in the same HS programs (and similar scores) </p>
<p>I did not go tweet or FB when my kids’ scores arrived.</p>
<p>So, while my neighbors are adding great renovations to their houses while paying in-state tuition for their kids, we are paying out the wazoo for great colleges. We are all happy. Works for me!</p>
<p>^hey, we paid nothing at in-state, so that we can pay a load for great Med. School. We are also very happy for our D. to be very mature to choose free UG education.</p>
<p>I like to assume that most people who ask such questions are not being intentionally rude, but are just curious. I try to assess why someone would ask such a question before answering. If they are obviously just overwhelmed about the whole college process and are truly trying to assess their child’s chances, I will give them much more information than I would someone who I decide is just being nosy. My son is very understated and just doesn’t talk about grades or test scores with his friends- I don’t think most people realize that he is in all AP and honors classes and has top grades as he doesn’t necessarily fit the typical profile. He is an athlete and has such a wide variety of friends from both classes and sports, that I don’t think he would talk about grades with his friends because he wouldn’t want to make someone feel bad or to sound braggy. If someone does ask me I usually just politely deflect the question. The only time I think I have intentionally let someone know is when I was sitting in a college planning session at school with mostly parents. The woman next to me who I knew only slightly started to ask me a question about AP classes and then stopped short and muttered something about “oh you wouldn’t know- your son is just in CP classes…” in a rather condescending tone before asking someone else. Since we had all been asked to bring copies of our kid’s transcripts, I made a point later to casually set my sons on my knee while I wrote notes. I could feel her eyes glued to those transcripts, and then later she caught me in the lobby to ask if we had thought about where my son would apply to school. I hate to say it gave me a real sense of satisfaction! </p>
<p>One of the kids who plays soccer with my son is a recent immigrant from a very low income family where the parents speak little English. He is extremely bright but the family has no clue about the whole college process- he would be the first to attend college. We have taken him to distant tournaments and have noticed that he asks some extremely invasive questions about income, our backgrounds, my sons grades and scores, etc. He is a wonderful kid and we know that he is not trying to be rude, but is trying to learn about our culture as well as find out everything he can about the college application process. We are very open with this kid and try to give him any information we can to help him learn. If he asks a question that is just to personal to answer, I try to answer in general terms not related to our situation specifically. Sometimes people are really just trying to learn how it all works.</p>
or amount of prep required to get the 2350). Since most people are risk averse, they tend to not place much difference between the two…</p>
</p>