<p>“My d’s recollection immediately after the incident was that he said, “Let me see your socks.” The memory gets fuzzy in the re-telling.”</p>
<p>OK, so whatever the exact phrase was, the point is he had the girls lift their skirts to prove what was worn underneath. </p>
<p>I liken this to our school’s skirt length code. If a school wants a skirt to be a certain length, in order not to see panties when a girl bends over- does that mean that it’s appropriate to make all the girls bend over to see if their panties show???</p>
<p>I could see doing something like this- have the girls walk across the floor, and if a flash of something other than the required color shows, it’s a violation. But having people show their undergarments is inappropriate. I think if you simply wrote that the girls were required to lift their skirts and show what they were wearing underneath, it would be enough to lift people’s eyebrows.</p>
<p>My H sent an email this morning to the principal. Moments later (too soon to have been actually communicated, I think), I got a call from the VP. He was very nice, and appropriate. He said (in short) that the grades would be restored, the teachers would be receiving clarification of both the idea of written policy and appropriate behavior. He said, “Trust me. I have two daughters.” And he apologized that it took so long to get it addressed.</p>
<p>I am satisfied with the response. (I will be curious, though, if my H gets any further communication from the head principal.)</p>
<p>What a good outcome! I’m sure all you really wanted was for the teacher to see that his behavior was out of line, and learn from it. You sure handled it well.</p>
I wondered this, too! Hope not, though, since he told me “to keep it under my hat” till he has a chance to talk with the teacher. (I’m assuming he meant anyone from school, since his concern was that the teacher needed to hear it first.) So don’t tell, okay? </p>
<p>
Actually, I wondered if he discussed it with his wife - get another woman’s point of view. I assume the VP had a chance to consider the ramifications of defending an unsupportable position. Although I don’t care for the teacher, I do think he just needed to be brought down a notch, not completely knocked off the podium, so to speak, so I am satisfied with the outcome.</p>
<p>Someone else who reads cc could have realized that it referred to his school and showed it to him.</p>
<p>On another topic, someone mentioned t-shirts under one’s clothes or uniforms in an earlier post. My daughter’s marching band director was very strict, but not at all inappropriate. For example, they had to have their gloves checked before every game and competition, and if they were not SPOTLESS, had to buy a new pair (who would notice a little spot on a finger from a distance?)</p>
<p>Anyway, they had “band issued” white t-shirts that said “— Band” in very small letters on the upper corner, that they were required to wear, with shorts, under their uniforms. It never made sense to me, since no one could see through the heavy and dark uniform jackets, but they wanted everyone to be “uniform” and that is how they did it.</p>
<p>You really accomplished what needed to be done-so far so good, good for you! Hopefully, that teacher will learn a great lesson from this, and you have done so much good for future orchestra students!</p>
<p>I hope you’re right, galwaymom. I admit being in the middle of a confrontation like this makes me very uncomfortable. Focusing on my d and the other girls has kept me motivated to see this through (as well as CC’s support). But I would much rather be everyone’s friend and supporter. In fact, I have tried very hard to support the orchestra program – I believe in it – to the tune of chaperoning, volunteering to run errands, “making nice” to the director, even when I think he’s being unreasonable, laughing off his antics. This time around, my frustrations grew out of the idea that my child was being used as a commodity for some personal goal of the director, and he was treating her like an object. [At the same festival, I asked him afterwards how they did, and he asked me “Are you prying?” Like a parent being interested in the results of her child’s performance is being nosey!] </p>
<p>I felt frustrated early on that I was having trouble getting anyone to listen or acknowledge the mistakes. I’m glad to have “won” but sorry that it had to be such an ordeal.</p>
<p>Most of us don’t like confrontation. Yet at some point, we are all put in situations that require a stand for what is inherently right, be it ethically, morally, or to protect an individual’s or group’s safety. </p>
<p>Taking a stand is hard. You have to be confident in your position’s validity, the “righteousness” of the cause so to speak. </p>
<p>One can either be an ostrich, or help man the barricades. The choice is personal, and we all must suffer or live with the consequences of action or inaction.</p>
<p>Binx…I’m proud of you. I totally can feel for what you are saying about being uncomfortable pursuing this but it was the right thing and you handled it VERY well. From what I can tell, the VP’s call to you was appropriate this time and the actions taken are the right thing. Kudos to you. Your speaking up paid off and you did it in a respectable fashion. Your daughter also witnessed you sticking up for what is right and for not tolerating inappropriate treatment. </p>
<p>The more anecdotes you share about the orchestra teacher here, however, the more I really don’t like the guy. Between this incident with the hosiery, the comment about your Juilliard son and the NY Phil, and now when you asked how the school did at the festival and his response…yuck.</p>
<p>I agree the orchestra leader sounds like a control freak and a jerk. Let him be forced to march around in panty hose for a while to see why so many women hate them! Am sure there are many people who will disagree, but when it comes to uniforms, I don’t see why girls can’t also have the option of wearing slacks.</p>
<p>I agree that your handling of this was a great example for your daughter. Our actions speak louder than lectures, and your daughter has a great role model in you, binx. Bravo!</p>
<p>Good work binx. You (and your D for bringing it to your attention) have no doubt saved many other girls from the embarrassment of the dress hike and actually saved the school from future liability.</p>
<p>I’ve got to think that they started to be concerned about word of this incident getting around and the trouble that could cause. In addition, they might have been concerned about liability. The easiest recourse they had was to acknowledge they made a mistake and try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. </p>
<p>It seems that a certain portion of the daily job of the VP and P is damage control.</p>
I assume the VP had a chance to consider the ramifications of defending an unsupportable position. Although I don’t care for the teacher, I do think he just needed to be brought down a notch, not completely knocked off the podium, so to speak, so I am satisfied with the outcome.</p>