I announced D1’s final decision on FB, but not D2’s. I think sometimes parents don’t know where to draw the line. My post was light, and I was happy that the decision was made, and D1 felt good about it. I realized that D2s experiences could be hard to handle for D1 (some overlap), and set up D3 for uncomfortable questions a year from now. I’m proud of all three, but they are different and they’ve made the right choices for themselves, and that’s really all that matters. People can be just as unpleasant when they solicit news, and then react poorly. (I’ve gotten a “Well, luckily she didn’t apply to a really selective school,” “oh, she didn’t get into ----?” etc., which is just silly and kind of mean. I’d you ask me where my kid is going, just say, “awesome!” when I tell you, no matter where it is. 
Just want to say that I really liked Albert’s post #17. Sensitive and all.
I too am glad FB was not the phenomena back in late 2000’s. When my son applied as a junior, then got into 2 of his top choices, we called our closest friends, many of whom we had carpooled with for years, and invited them to a pizza party the next night. Every family came. No one else had applied that year, so there was no competition. I doubt my son recalls that evening, but it felt special to me. The following year, I was there for several of his classmates and their parents. For the record, I never shared son’s scores with anyone, IRL or on CC.
My heart feels heavy for the wonderful parents of terrific kids who have to consider finances, health issues, needs of others, when making the BIG decisions about colleges. Now that my son is older, he too states he probably would have been fine at school #2.
I love this thread. How we share some of our special (or not-so special) moments, whether on social media or in our individual conversations, is a deeply personal thing that can often benefit from an empathy and awareness of others’ sensitivities that far too many people don’t display. People share for all kinds of reasons: to keep those close to them up to date on things that are important to them, to honor and show support in their loved ones and their choices, and sometimes – unfortunately – to brag. But I think the last of these is rare; more often other well-intentioned motivations (perhaps augmented by a bit too much pride) are mistaken for bragging. I sometimes wonder whether the Harvard student that doesn’t wear a school sweatshirt or doesn’t drive a car with a Harvard sticker is worried that they might appear overly boastful. I hope not: there’s nothing wrong with having enthusiasm for your school!
This year has been stressful for our family with the college application process. It started with an EA rejection from the only school she wanted to go to . But now she has finally decided where she will go in the fall, although no excitement from her. I think she has it in her mind she will transfer out , which could happen I suppose.
It is hard to read about the friend’s kids or even your own child’s friends getting into their dream schools. My daughter ran with three girls since elementary and middle school that are the top students in her class. Only one of them got into the school they really wanted , which strikes me as odd. One of them still hasn’t made her decision and the other is going to a school that I suspect embarrasses her parents who pushed her to the point of such angst for years.
As the youngest of four, our girl is the only one of her siblings that didn’t get into a school she really wanted , but I know she will succeed despite that.
I have not made the mom announcement on FB either 
I didn’t make the FB college announcement with either kid. My kids were keeping things low key, so I followed their lead. I was really proud that they took their friends feelings into account during that entire process. Both knew kids who were pretty disappointed.
I’ll also say it’s the kids who have learned to work hard who really succeed in college. Work ethic trumps brain power by this point.
I’d say your child getting into a college is worth a FB brag. I’m not a big facebook user, but it is the only contact I have with a few old friends and one of my brothers, my niece and nephew who live out of the country.
I have friends (and a sister) who make a competition out of everything, but I refuse to play. I just say congratulations and don’t worry about the fact that my kids didn’t get into Harvard (didn’t even apply) and they are really happy with their choices.
There is still the odd convention that brags about sport are to be expected (and encouraged by school and local press), and brags about academics are a serious social gaffe.
I have no problems with people putting their kids choices on FB…but that’s not to say I don’t have pangs of envy like OP, too. Now, I have one friend that posts her kids straight A report card on FB with the GPA!..that is taking it perhaps a little too far.
My daughter ended up choosing Towson University. Last fall, she didn’t even want to apply there because she had heard other people say they didn’t like it…for reasons that wouldn’t impact her life whatsoever. I had some reservations because the major wasn’t exactly what she wanted , but after meeting with the department head , it seemed to make a lot of sense for her to consider it.
I think my daughter is a little disappointed because there are other students form her school that are going there that were not very good students in HS.
I wish she was more excited , but hopefully she will be once she is there.
@conmama - I have to agree that a bragging email is WAY over the top. I feel that a FB post is fine - no one is forced to read it, and I, for one, have loved seeing this news throughout the years on my friends pages. I think the only thing that would stop me would be if I knew that someone really wanted to go to the school my son will be attending, but didn’t get in. It does seem weird to me that people are totally comfortable bragging about sports results, but consider academic successes taboo.
I use FB to communicate with friends and family who are spread out all over the place, so it made sense to let them know where my kids were heading.
@redpoodles you made me LOL
((Hugs)) to all on this thread. It is such a tough time.
My daughter just passed a very difficult test for Bi-literacy . The test is really geared for college students. I * did * go to the bragging thread here since this is largely anonymous. I intentionally didn’t post on FB, despite my pride.
The reason why is because four of her classmates didn’t pass the test and I didn’t want to upset anyone. Her teacher told the students their test results individually.
I did say on FB where my kids would be attending. But I don’t think anyone was particularly envious of their choices. It wasn’t a brag, they had just made a decision. I like reading the posts from parents and where their kids end up. But I get it can sting if you or your kid isn’t singing with joy.
I did want to go back to every horrible person and teacher who was wretched to my oldest who had issues growing up. To the K parents who actually had a meeting as a class with the teacher, with me in it, about how upset they were that my son was going to be in with their special snowflakes because he had an iep. Or the middle school teacher and principal who instead of just congratulating my son for his little cty award (CTY sent it not me) and made sure to tell me he wasn’t all that smart. People like that made me want to rub it in their face.
Love the kid you have, be proud of them for what they are and know in the end, it really doesn’t matter where they go. If they are well served and are happy…who cares? Try and get where you don’t just have to think - oh, they’ll be in debt when they graduate or other sour grapes thoughts. Good for them, be excited for your own child and move on. This part will pass very quickly. Then it’s on to roommates, decorating the dorm, etc.
Trust me - you wouldn’t be the slightest bit impressed with where hubby or I went to school. We’re still successful professionals and both enjoyed and got a lot out of our college experience.
@SouthernHope, I’m sorry you’re blue. I’ve noticed many of your comments to other posters and you have always been very kind, so I know you must be a sensitive soul. I know you’ll get through this and be comforted that you are modeling wise decision-making for your family, and that is something that will have wonderful dividends in your child’s life.
DD is only a junior but I know there will be a lot of bragging via FB and email in the coming year. Sigh. I’m a sensitive soul, too, so this summer I’m going to work on a recipe to thicken my skin ; ).
On the FB bragging, one of my friends last year posted a photo of THE SCHOOL’S copy of her special snowflake’s sophomore year PSAT scores. Bad enough to post the parent/student’s own copy, but to take a picture of the school’s copy and post it is beyond the pale. I had to wonder if she broke into the GC’s office for access to it. Anyway, I “unfollowed” her, so she can happily post away and I don’t need to know.
Hang in there, SouthernHope!
Not to derail the thread or minimize pain felt by OP and others, I noticed this, too. Once I bragged how well my D is doing after listening to others brag about their kids’ success for many years and being happy about it. It was met with silence. It was as if since she is so good in every way I should keep my mouth shut, which by the way I do most of the time.
I made it a point to not discuss test scores with anyone, not even in the family. My kids’ scores were not all the same, and I didn’t want to set a prescedence of comparing scores. Growing up, my cousin and I were compared to each other. We were grown with kids when I joked " I always heard your SAT scores were higher than mine" to which she laughed " I heard yours were higher".
Scores are something to be proud of, but I didn’t want my kids to compare themselves to each other. I also consider scores to be personal to them. If they choose to disclose them, then that was their decision, but I didn’t.
One thing that helped diffuse the college talk was that my kids were able to see how different students did over time. One family friend made the decision to save money and start out at a CC even though he was accepted to four year colleges. This is not a popular route for applicants on this board and it may not be the best decision for all students. However, he made it himself, with a mature long term perspective, stayed focused, transfered, and graduated from a four year college having done quite well. My kids have also had peers attend Ivy’s but they know there is more than one path to achievement.
Senior year is probably when it stings the most, but then, students get emerged in their college life.
With people, sometimes things aren’t always as rosy as they appear. In the past, whenever I have felt envious of friends and their situation, something always happen shortly after that makes me appreciate my simple, humble life with all its’ blessings. My biggest blessing is a family with no mental problems, no health problems, no addictions and a smart kid who will be going off to the college of his choice and pursuing what ever his heart desire. Don’t waste time envying other people. For most of us, life is good and the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.
I just came across this great post by a HS senior about being at peace with his results:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/18398049/
^^^ thanks for sharing that. What an honest, uplifting post.