@Youdon’tsay Holy Cow! 70 people?!?
How nice for you that you were seated next to a polite man who was willing to ask you to dance and make polite dinner conversation with an 18-yr-old, rather than making it clear he would rather be next to a peer and not stuck with a HS kid.
Well, that’s what the son of the bride announced, which is passive-agressive, right? Hahahaha. He said he wanted to thank everyone for their patience as 70 people they weren’t expecting attended.
nottelling, yes, I think it’s cultural. Sorry, my peoples. But, really, I think it’s also just bad manners, right? I think the couple who sat at our table never expected to be served a dinner. I think they thought arriving at 9:30 meant that they could have a couple of hours dancing and that it would be no big deal and that they were arriving well past the dinner hour.
At my wedding I invited the wives of my two bosses. I hadn’t met them, but I expected them to show up since they didn’t send their regrets. That table ended up with two big holes in it. If I’d known they weren’t coming I would have arranged things differently or had a smaller table. It really, really irritated me that they decided not to come without telling me.
Sounds more like a poorly planned wedding than a close to 30% wedding crasher rate. I bet someone didn’t do their homework.
I kind of agree, doschicos.
For instance, I received an invite and RSVP’d for two. In full disclosure, I was a little past the deadline in RSVP’ing because dh and I thought we would have to work, but I did RSVP in plenty of time. My mom received an invite, but my sister and brother didn’t. So my mom RSVP’d for six (I can’t tell you whether that was cleared ahead of time, but it doesn’t make sense that I was the only of the three siblings invited so I think it was cleared). But maybe when they saw my mom’s RSVP they noted it as two instead of the real RSVP number of six. So, while we can all question what my mom did, if they had paid attention to what was written the number would have been correct.
I really question the reported 70 number. They set up six tables of eight at the last minute, and all the seats weren’t full so I don’t believe they were really 70 over. But they clearly were over. I think he overstated the number because he was just embarrassed that actual guests were inconvenienced by the crashers, regardless of the number. But, I had loads of fun and my food was delish and I danced and danced. I don’t sweat that kind of thing, but I’m sure they were somewhat mortified.
How can you RSVP for more people than what’s on the envelope addressed to you?
Because my mother is 84 and doesn’t care. =)) I was at an event where I heard the bride tell my sister that she was invited so why she didn’t get the actual invitation I have no idea. Like I said, I think my mom asked to make sure it was OK. I don’t think they could have been surprised.
But I get your point. I would never do it.
We had a couple people RSVP and include someone not on the envelope. It tended to be someone who wanted to add a plus one - a date, not a significant other. We let it go.
If I was invited to a wedding and my husband was not…or if my husband was invited to a wedding and I was not…we would not attend. To me…this sounds more like a gift grab than an invitation.
If the wedding could really needs to limit coworker’s invited…they should leave me off the list if my husband isn’t invited too.
We had a very small wedding, about 32 people. We Lester to ONLY invite people who had met both of us. We had been a couple for over three years, and had lived together for 1 1/2. We figured that gave folks plenty of time to meet us.
It ruffled a few feathers…but since no one was offering to pay our wedding costs but us…we didn’t even listen to the squawking.
Sometimes the costs are so high that there has to be limits, per person. Should always invited married couples IMHO. I also agree that small weddings, no one should be offended. If one has a small number of family members they may be able to have more friends invited.
Sometimes getting creative can help everyone be at some kind of a party.
I’m pretty flexible and go with the flow but not inviting a spouse to a wedding is not OK.
Wow, I’m surprised that feelings are so strong on the spouse thing. I would think people have more flexible feelings on that.
How about the flipside? If you and your spouse were both invited to a wedding of, say, a work colleague that only one of you knew, would you consider attending without your spouse because your spouse doesn’t really want to go? (Of course, the rsvp would just be for the one of you in that situation).
That was a common scenario with my spouse and me – but then again, we are no longer married, primarily because we did too many things on our own.
Yeah I’m surprised that feeling run so strongly on the spouse thing also. It’s good to know.
Dh and I often do things separately. In fact, this summer I have a wedding that I am planning on going to in CA – the ds of my best friend – but he hasn’t committed. I’ll go without him if he doesn’t want to go. NBD to me. But my friend would never have invited me and not him.
I’m surprised people are surprised. =)) I guess it depends on the kind of wedding?
Like I said earlier…the invites are per what the wedding couple want.
My RSVP is based on me. And no…I would not attend a wedding of a coworker sans spouse…unless a large group of others from my workplace were also attending sans spouses.
To discourage uninvited guests, in the RSVP card, we put" We Have Reserved X Seat(s) In Your Honor."
Then we put a space for them to fill in the number either attending, or not attending.
I’m surprised about the spouse thing, too, at least in some situations.
I invited the four other people in my department at work to my wedding: we were close, and I’m still in contact with the three of them who came over 30 years later. To be honest, I don’t remember if I invited the spouses, but I know they didn’t come. I know that they drove together. I think that one spouse had to work and the other decided to stay home and take care of their young child. They would have been welcome.
In our case, H and I knew and had socialized with the spouses at company events, but I can see inviting a group of workmates where that wasn’t the case and having them be perfectly happy to come without their spouses.
We were very clear on who was and was not invited to our teeny wedding. When the invites were received, we received a call from my MIL TELLING is that a nine year old cousin always came to weddings. We reiterated that NO children were invited to our wedding, including this cousin.
She came anyway.
Yesterday contacted a soon-to-be bride and groom that while we had RSVP’d for 2 only one would be able to
attend. They specified “no children” and as S and DIL are close friends of theirs either H or I will stay back to care for him. I am not comfortable with a babysitter that he does not know as it is an hour away and a long day.
Bride responded with a "so sorry " and “please both come at the last minute if you can as we have made room for extras so you will not blow our plans!”
This wedding is also at a winery on a Monday afternoon. They are very cost
conscious and the loveliest 25 yr olds.