Pregnant college-bound senior

Parent Cafe
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<p>so your statement that it would is not true. It’s</p>

<p>Please reread what I wrote. When someone writes, “I think it would…,” that is not a statement that includes every instance. </p>

<p>Chewing tobacco. I think that would cause cancer. Obviously not in every case.</p>

<p>If I had written, “after a sexual assault, I think it would cause nightmares,” if you then said “not true,” you’d be trying to speak for every woman whose been sexually assaulted. </p>

<p>As someone who HAS been sexually assaulted (at age 4!), and hasn’t had a nightmare about it, I wouldn’t presume that others hadn’t had such nightmares.</p>

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<p>Romani, you missed my point. I said that while teens don’t find premarital sex shameful, they do find getting pregnant shameful. And that’s really messed up to me.</p>

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<p>mom2collegekids, I don’t understand your point here. Are you saying that nightmares are a common result of women who have unwanted pregnancies choosing abortion (as nightmares and other PTSD symptoms are, for rape survivors)? If so, evidence would be more persuasive than your gut feeling.</p>

<p>Or are you saying that there exists a woman who had an abortion and then had nightmares over it? If so, that’s very likely, seeing as three in 10 American women have an abortion by the time they’re 45.</p>

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<p>I’m not sure many people my age find it shameful. Terrifying, life-changing, yes, but I wouldn’t say shameful. I know a lot of young women who have gotten pregnant and the only ones who were ashamed were because their parents found out about the premarital sex and they were ashamed of disappointing their parents. But not of the pregnancy. That’s more of an emotion that the grandparents (parents of the pregnant young person) feel. Just my experience.</p>

<p>CF, there is little scientific link between abortions and mental health problems. Of course there will always be women who have a hard time with abortions, but overall it’s just not common according to research. Not by any scientific study.</p>

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<p>Exactly, romani, and that’s why I’m wondering what exactly mom2collegekids is saying.</p>

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<p>"^ By the time I was in my mid 20s, many and in fact most of my friends had had an abortion at some point in the preceding decade. None of us had mental breakdowns or other problems because of it."</p>

<p>Wow, and I thought Seattle was liberal. I know exactly one person in real life who has told me that she had an abortion. I am openly pro-choice.</p>

<p>I’m with the minority here who would say that a 17 year old budding HS senior is not aN adult able to make her own health care decisions with no research or background. Do we let them make any other health care decisions? The thread about the 18 year old who decided not to get a vaccine certainly had parents taking a different position. I think a teen needs careful counseling and lots of information before she can make such an important decision. Abortion might be the decision. Adoption might be the decision.</p>

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<p>To the OP, my heart goes out to you and your daughter and what a terrible situation to be in. If this were either of my daughters, I would respect their decision once they explored the four options another poster offered and had a full understanding of the abortion procedure and risks along with the risks of pregnancy and carrying a child to term, whether to raise on your own with family support or to put up for adoption. If my daughters wanted abortions, I would support them 100% and I speak as a woman who had three miscarriages before my much-wanted pregnancy. I also speak as a woman who fought hard for the right to choose safe and legal abortion. When I went to college in the pre-Roe vs. Wade days, frequently a hat was passed in the dorms to raise money for abortions for pregnant students. For people with money there was always a way to have an abortion in a hospital with proper medical supervision. For people without money there weren’ t a lot of options and many women lost their lives in unsafe procedures.
My younger daughter has a friend who recently became pregnant and had a baby in the spring, after completing one year of an MA/Ph.D. program in another city, at a Catholic university. She is now living at home in her childhood bedroom with the baby who is as cute as can be. She just started taking two classes towards an MA at another school. The difference between a fully- funded Ph.D. program and an unfunded MA, no guarantee of a Ph.D. admission is enormous. The father is out of the picture, the relationship was over before the baby was born. His family contributed a crib and a highchair. The baby is cared for by my d’s friend, her mom who works part-time and her father who took early retirement because of a heart condition. There is also an adopted son with learning disabilities that seem to prohibit him from holding a job or even finishing community college.The baby is well cared for and well loved… but d’s friend is very isolated, certainly no friends around to share this experience, no social life, just school and taking care of the baby. She is very calm and loving girl… and I do wish her the best but I think about what will happen down the road. She will not be able to support herself in an apartment for a good long while, so when this boy is 3-4 years old, I guess they will still be living in her childhood bedroom while she continues to go to grad school, two courses a semester.</p>

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<p>Is it really worth doing something wrong to correct a mistake, to end someone else’s life to make yours easier?</p>

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<p>Has anyone else noticed that the OP has logged on several times today (3:30 this afternoon and again around 9 this evening, maybe other times as well) but hasn’t posted. Anyone else beginning to wonder if this someone’s homework assignment or, worse case scenario, a ■■■■■ thread?</p>

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<p>May be the ultimate ■■■■■ thread?</p>

<p>Politics, health care, age of adulthood…are we helicopter parents? Hmmm, I’m beginning to agree with jym</p>

<p>Don’t feed the ■■■■■.</p>

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<p>jym, I’ve been here a long time and never knew you could see when a poster logged in :o</p>

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<p>Guys–</p>

<p>Let’s just say this poster is not flaming the board… Why would we say that? If, on the off chance this is really her situation, does she need that? No. </p>

<p>the OP is under no obligation to comment on her thread any more than she would be allowed to end the thread because she had had enough of the conversation.</p>

<p>Regardless, it is a common enough situation and possibility to be taken at face value without anyone being damaged by the supposition.</p>

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<p>Hope you are right poetgrl, but when a poster starts a hot topic and then posts maybe once again or not at all in a highly spirited conversation, and has clearly been reading the thread (was on and has no other threads/posts to read) it is a reasonable concern…</p>

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<p>Jym, I think you’re right.</p>

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<p>oh Jym, I’m sure you are right. You know how I am. </p>

<p>Still, if it was a ■■■■■, she’s got to be pretty disappointed. This was a pretty sane and rational conversation, imho. And if it was really someone in the midst of this dilemna, I hope they were able to get at a least some perspective.</p>

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<p>Ahh, the sweet irony of that! A very civilized discussion on a very sensitive topic. I hope she gets a good grade on her social psychology paper!!</p>

<p>BTW, don’t know what timezone the OP is in, but the first post was made after 1 am this morning, and the additional 2 posts by the OP were at 3 am! Sounds suspiciously like student hours to me. OK, I guess I am just a cynic.</p>

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<p>Been trying to ready everything today between breaks at work and helping D edit college essays. </p>

<p>I’m overwhelmed at the responses and especially the private messages of concern and support. I’ve tried to post a few times but i have been fighting back the tears and have deleted my comment before posting it.</p>

<p>Some comments I won’t even acknowledge because they are rude and, IMHO heartless. How can you say I’m not a good mom when I actually care about more than just the moment. </p>

<p>To answer a few of the questions posted:
*Yes, she’s a minor and yes I have to consent unless she goes to court.
*The BF’s parents do not know but I know his mom is very religious and presume she’d would rather support them than terminate.
*D did not say “I’m going to do such an such” as some have tried to indicate. She came to me concerned she was pregnant. I’ve been by her side since the get go. She’s very early still.
*concerns about college costs can be dismissed as they both have full scholarships at their disposal at our local university (a good state school). It would change a lot and maybe not include going farther away now, but it’s not an impossibility later. I had asked for examples because I was hoping to share with D if she wanted to know.

  • yes, I have offered to raise the child myself or even go wherever she wants to go to school as her child care option. I can work evenings instead and she/they can go to school during the day. Yes I am completely willing to be their support. Ans, I’m young enough that it wouldn’t be an imposition I’m my eyes if I were to physically and emotionally help. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>AND To the poster(s) who wanted to comment about what a shame it was these teens are having sex, they understand all that. They are brilliant teens, not bobblehead dolls. People are fallible and you are rather high and mighty in your assumption of their irresponsibility. I agree that if you are willing to have sex then you have to be willing to raise the child that is the eventuality of sexual acts regardless of what method(s) of birth control you may have implemented. I hope to God you never have to deal with having an imperfect scenario. Besides this situation, you couldn’t find two people who are more hard working, dedicated, studious, caring, and intelligent. </p>

<p>I would support her eventual decision, but I do think it’s selfish to change your mind when you’re suddenly faced with the reality of your actions. They were well aware of the consequences, but I guess they didn’t believe how real the possibility is. Your life may change, and your timeline may be a bit skewed, but that doesn’t mean you’ve ruined your world. I dont think I ruined my parents world and I KNOWy kids didn’t ruin mine.</p>

<p>Be as mad as you want for me not thinking abortion is right. I think it’s a horrible choice because in my opinion it is not ethically or morally right. My thought has always been It’s a baby, not AIDS, people. </p>

<p>I’m talking in circles now because I’m emotionally drained. I wanted to post more specifically to people but it’s not so easy from the mobile app.</p>

<p>Thanks again for your concern.</p>

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<p>And I’m not a student, right now. (Waiting for my grant to kick in to finish my masters). I’m a mom who cannot sleep because I’m stressed out. I slept 2 hours, worked all day, and have family comittments also. I was on and off during 3 boring meetings at work today. Geeze people. So critical!!</p>

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<p>Well hi OP! </p>

<p>You do understand it looks suspicious (and though you were on again at 9ish, you didnt log back in and post til around 10:30, after these concerns were raised. Just sayin’…)</p>

<p>Bottom line of most posts, this is your daughter’s decision. There is another thread about a parent expecting her dau to go go to Mass on Sunday. These decisions are theirs, not their parents. For a pregnant teen this decision , either way, must be agonizing. You are entitled to own your morals, but please don’t impose them on her. Not right now.</p>

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<p>My mom was pregnant with me spring of her senior year. Dad and she eloped. He was two years older than her and already in college. They went to college together, part of the time off-campus and part of the time in married student housing. While in college, Mom also had my brother, born two years after I was. They were focused, disciplined, motivated, poor, and many times Mom didn’t go to every math class, except to take tests and quizzes (math was her major), but profs didn’t care. When Dad wasn’t in class, he was working. They lived on oatmeal, rabbit he hunted, and spam. They both were the first in their families to graduate college, and they were married 45 years before they both passed away. </p>

<p>Zebes</p>