<p>I am really sorry your daughter is in such a tough position. My mother had me when she was a younger teen than your daughter, And I know she would say the best thing she ever did was keep me. However, if I were in her shoes I’m not sure I would have made the same decision she did - her life was very hard, and having a child so young contributed to that difficulty. I think it’s really important that at the end of the day you let your daughter make this decision, and that you support her no matter what.</p>
<p>Will you sign the consent for an abortion?</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>You are probably referring to me(yes, I don’t think that children should be having sex) and I have told my daughter that if she is “grown enough to make it, then she should be grown enough to raise it!!!” Sex comes with HUGE/LIFE ALTERING responsibilities and its sad how kids can so easily take on adult acts, but when it comes down to it, they are still babies themselves and need their mommies to bail them out… I think it selfish and unfair to put the parents in such a position.</p>
<p>I see this in my own community each and every freaking day… and it makes me sick. I am NOT one of those inner city moms who thinks that having a baby as a teen is acceptable or cute. I think its a shame that a young woman would want to ruin her life… because statistically, she is doomed to a life of peril and mediocrity… especially where I come from. So if my dd14 so chooses to be an adult(have sex) them dammit, be an adult!!! But if she wants to continue on her path to greatness/success then I will be here… blood, sweat and tears… </p>
<p>My dd14 is amazing, smart, talented, wonderful… and I have supported her educational endeavors even to my own detriment! But I will be damned if I will pick up the pieces of her adult acts when she is still a baby herself! Sex is for those who can suffer the consequences… call me old fashioned… but thats my opinion… and when you post your life story on a forum such as this you must expect the opinions of others!!</p>
<p>Jym- on at 9, phone died, recharged and came back later on. It takes forever to post from my cell. </p>
<p>Zebes- my parents had me as teens and my mom finished her BA & MA going to school when my younger siblings graduated. They made it through hard times but they made it 35 years until my dad died (too young!!)</p>
<p>Electronblue- I’m grappling with that! I feel responsible in that if I sign, I feel like I’ve condoned the abortion not just allowed it thereby making me just a much responsible for killing the baby. </p>
<p>Newhaven- I understand you and agree. I have taught her the same. The conundrum was that she agreed until the reality set in.</p>
<p>Agh. This is a busier thread than I anticipated. I’m trying to respond but i can’t get to everyone. Sorry</p>
<p>OP - so this is all about you. I guess that’s why your D needed to let you know.</p>
<p>*dragonmom - yes I’m with you about 17 year olds not being most capable of making long term health care decisions. I’m kinda surprised how many parents seem to care more about coordinating and coaching their kids’ college choices than the decision whether to terminate a pregnancy. </p>
<p>I also feel that if I gotta put my “money where my mouth is” and if I don’t want her to feel that she needs to have an abortion, I should be willing to do whatever I can to help her care for the baby. Put up or shut up, you know?</p>
<p>Regardless of their opinion, I’m touched by the sheer number of people who have contacted me and offered their heartfelt opinions, stories, and most importantly prayers. Thank you all.</p>
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Interesting perspective</p>
<p>Because, ultimately, a college can be changed. The decision of whether or no to keep a child cannot. Not really. A college will not affect your life long term like forcing a child to carry her child would. </p>
<p>College is not a lifelong decision like a child is. THAT is why parents feel the need to leave it up to their children. I don’t see a correlation, I really don’t.</p>
<p>Oldfort - NO it’s not about me. Aye! People pick things apart!!! I can’t say it wouldn’t hurt me too … Can you let your child just do that and not feel anything?? Maybe I’m more emotional. Whatever. I’m grappling with it … Wouldn’t it be hypocritical of me to be “a ok” with signing the papers for her to have an abortion when I believe it is killing a baby (and she does too, but doesn’t think she can carry the baby and go through her senior year). </p>
<p>In the end of the day, would I force her to have the baby, no. Would I sign, I guess, but I really don’t want to and feel like it is contradictory to what i think is in her best interest and what I believe, but i value our relationship even more than my own personal feelings. :does that make any sense?</p>
<p>I am really amazed at some of the ugly, mean comments. From one mom to another - I am really sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. I believe this has to be your daughters decision but of course, you must discuss the options and share your feelings with her. </p>
<p>If she decides to continue with the pregnancy she will need a lot of support. I cannot imagine going to college and being a new mom. I know people do it but it would be extremely difficult. I believe college is as much about learning who you are and growing up than coursework and classes. If your daughter has a baby college will be all about ‘getting a degree’. </p>
<p>I admire that you would be willing to raise the child yourself while your daughter is at school. I can honestly say I would not be willing to do that. </p>
<p>I am about the most conservative person I know but I support the right of a woman to have an abortion. I think every child deserves to have parents that are ready and willing to parent. </p>
<p>Good luck to you and your daughter. I know this is a very difficult time for you both and you are to be commended for being such a good mom.</p>
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<p>TOTALLY agree with this!! </p>
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<p>That’s what MOST people fail to understand. MOST people take having sex so lightly. I’m 25 and I never had sex and I’m not ashamed to admit it. If some people think I’m weird or strange, then so be it. At least I can wake up in the day not worrying about the consequences that sex can produce.</p>
<p>This is exactly what’s happening here. I am not blaming the mother fully, but it’s sad that the mother was a teen mother and her child is now a teen mother herself. Nobody wants to be a grandmother at 34.</p>
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<p>If your daughter was “intelligent” and “brilliant”, she would have had protected sex. Like NewHavenCT Mom said, children should not be having sex. This is a perfect example why children shouldn’t be having sex.</p>
<p>You have your whole life to have sex. Why possibly ruin your whole life and have sex while you’re still a child? That never made sense to me.</p>
<p>Maybe the D is ready for the abortion? I’m not sure why people are assuming she’s not ready for this decision. I truly could have missed the OP commenting on it, and if I did, I apologize in advance.</p>
<p>And fwiw, I know many, many 30 year olds + who still need “mommies” to bail them out in an instance like this. For example, I know 30+ year old moms who still turn to mom for advice, etc, about pregnancy and whatnot.</p>
<p>Music222, even the best birth control methods fail sometimes.</p>
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<p>That just further proves our point that children shouldn’t be having sex.</p>
<p>Irrelevant. This is a situation about an existing pregnancy.</p>
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<p>It’s 100% relevant. Maybe a teen is reading this thread. Who knows? Maybe the teen will change their mind and not have sex as a child.</p>
<p>Oh please.</p>
<p>OP hope you can get the support/answers you are seeking for you and your dau.</p>
<p>Well, Jym, there goes the neighborhood. ;)</p>
<p>I’m heading to bed. Good luck with this one.</p>
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<p>Oh please what? Are you going to have anything constructive to say? Imagine if the OP’s daughter read this thread before having sex. Who knows, maybe she would have changed her mind and wouldn’t have gotten pregnant as a child.</p>