PRESTIGIOUS IVY COLLEGE was never a consideration

Parents Forum
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<p>I actually know nothing about this topic, but I’ll throw in my 2 cents anyway.</p>

<p>One of my best friends has a truly spectacular daughter. She is not only brilliant and kind, but she is gorgeous. </p>

<p>Her parents desperately wanted her to attend an Ivy and she got accepted at Harvard (legacy, although I don’t know if that is relevant). However, she was in the middle of a huge modeling contract and got a deferred enrollment. </p>

<p>By the time she attended, I don’t know, it was like she had already out grown the whole thing. She went and hated it. “Too confining” and “too sheltered” were her words. She frequently expresses that she just needed a “bigger mix of people” around her. </p>

<p>She transferred to NYU, settled into a NYC lifestyle, is doing well in her studies and is happy as a clam. (Her parents are still sad about it…) So, different strokes for different folks I guess.</p>

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<p>Weenie:</p>

<p>I think that someone who was involved in modeling would be much more in her element in NYC than in Boston. The funny thing is her comment that Harvard is too “sheltered.” Usually, the criticism is that it’s not supportive enough! That’s why some prefer LACs. </p>

<p>I saw that Rivers Cuomo finally graduated from Harvard after an on again off again career. He is in his 30s, I believe. He did well, and was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa. So yes, different strokes for different folks!</p>

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<p>My two Ds wanted to be closer to home (California) so they never considered the Ivies. They were also interested in engineering and the UCs have some very strong and selective engineering programs. Regarding larger versus smaller schools and classes, it didn’t matter to them.</p>

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<p>Xiggi,</p>

<p>let’s just say it was a <em>building</em> year. </p>

<p>14-21 overall.
6-12 Ivy.</p>

<p>Thanks for noting the winners at D, contra mini’s pessimism.</p>

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<p>For those of you interested in a peek at the “Ivy at all costs” culture in NY private schools, check out the new novel by Andrew Trees - Academy X. Good review in the wpost today. Yes, it’s fiction, but obviously based on the authors experience as a teacher in this environment.</p>

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<p>So was this a test of whether you’re respected here? I honestly don’t know as I’m not familiar with your posts. But looking for respect on a public board where people don’t have a clue who you really are might be futile. On one hand you say that time is the greatest gift, i.e don’t pursue high paying, time consuming careers. A few posts later you lament about working at a draining job to give your kids everything just to watch people making $40K get free rides at ivies. Disconnect??? If your kids follow your advice and make $40K, will it be unfair for your grandchildren to get great aid at an ivy?</p>

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<p>“I would also second the view that an ivy league school is not the best fit for everyone. My sense is that most of ivy league students are pretty intense and focused; not the best environment for many kids who are still finding their way.”</p>

<p>This is my view also. The kids that my daughter knows who are going to Yale and Princeton are extremely focused, efficient studiers, have wonderful grades, and SAT scores no higher than other students who couldn’t possibly get in, although very good. But they are more “formed” and I admire and applaud them. Even if by some miracle an “unformed” kid got in to such places, it might be touch and go for a while, and not necessarily the optimum experience.</p>

<p>As you might guess, we are of the “unformed” variety, and knew it from the start. CC helped a huge amount, so thank you all for your forthright advice, especially the stat-posters, enormously helpful. We guessed right on most schools, and D ended up at what I think will be a great place for her.</p>

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<p>No. Whether or not someone posts on a given thread says nothing about how much they do or don’t value the OP. This is an open and free forum (provided that posts stay within the Terms of Service). No one can stipulate which CC members can or cannot post. That’s simply not how the internet in general and CC in particular works.</p>

<p>BTW, I see a lot of Ivy-assciated members posting on this thread, and it doesn’t seem to have harmed it.</p>

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<p>My son never really considered Ivy League though he was encouraged to apply to same by his HS Guidance Department. He looked for the program, the geographic location, etc to make his choice. He had known since Freshman year of HS what he wanted to study and he knew he had to be in an urban environment. Those were the key factors. He did begin an application to Columbia at the urging of his guidance counselor, but he stopped midstream as it was far from his first choice and he had so many other applications including outside scholarship apps to complete.
It just isn’t something that was so important to him or to us as his parents.
Getting into an Ivy League College was NOT the goal. The goal was to get into a school that was a good fit.
My husband and I did not attend Ivy League schools though some of our friends and relatives have-there has not been too much of a difference in our success ratios -in terms of money. We even know people who never attended college who have made vasts amounts of money on the Street (Wall Street).<br>
The goal was not Ivy League -the goal was the program and the location.</p>

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<p>None of my kids were interested in ivies for two main reasons real or perceived:

  1. Hated the weather where all these schools were located
  2. Held a belief that students would be snotty, arrogant and mostly from expensive prep schools (of course they had no way of knowing because they refused any visits)</p>
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<p>I would say that the decision to go to a prestigious school (which I would categorize as a highly selective school, whether it’s an Ivy, another large university or an elite LAC) really depends on what your options are. </p>

<p>I didn’t attend an ivy but I was blessed to live in a state with an excellent public university. For some one living in, say West Virginia, this may not be an option. For my son who is effectively “stateless” since we live overseas, the cost of attending any college was much the same.</p>

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<p>I hope I’m “allowed” to post on the thread, even though one of my kids did end up at an Ivy. </p>

<p>The question is “why to not choose an Ivy”. Often there are a lot of posts surrounding the concept of “wanting an Ivy.” </p>

<p>For D1, neither of those questions fit her. She did not “want an Ivy.” She also wasn’t against Ivies. She never broke schools down as to Ivy or not. She had a list of personal college criteria. She researched schools and came up with a list of schools that met that criteria. Four Ivies did end up on that list. She would not have considered the other Ivies for various reasons why each one was not right for her. It didn’t matter that they were Ivies. Further, she actually preferred a couple non-Ivies to particular Ivies on her list. However, two schools she liked a lot happened to be Ivies but her wish was not “prestige” and she is a very anti-prestige sort of person. Her choice was about finding schools that matched what she wanted. It didn’t matter if the school was or was not an Ivy, private or public, univ or LAC. She didn’t long for an Ivy, nor was against them. She just liked particular schools. If her list of final schools were ordered from most favorite to least favorite (though liked them all), the four Ivies were not necessarily the four at the top of the list. Prestige or whether an Ivy or not was not a factor. She did want a challenging school, however. When making her final choice of where to attend once acceptances rolled in, she revisited three schools. She equally considered them all even though two of the three were not Ivies (she was accepted to another Ivy that she then ruled out at that juncture.) She never chose her school over the other two because it is an Ivy but because it met more of her criteria in the end and just a general feel as well. </p>

<p>I really think the notion of breaking schools down into Ivy or not, whether it is around the question of “I want Ivy” or around the question of “will not consider an Ivy” is just not a notion I can identify with, nor was it a focus of the kind of college selection process that my D was concerned with. </p>

<p>D2, wasn’t for or against Ivies. Just like D1, it was about her personal college criteria. In her case, no Ivies had the kind of program she was seeking. If they did, I am sure she would not say, “no way Ivy” or “I want Ivy” but merely like D1, would see which schools fit each of her criteria. </p>

<p>I think the idea of “not an Ivy” is as skewed as “want an Ivy”. I have never understood the posts by kids on here who are applying to all 8 Ivies and have an “Ivy or bust” mentality (the 8 schools are very different) and as I said, several Ivies didn’t meet my kid’s college preference criteria. But I equally don’t understand ruling out a school that may fit a list of “wants” in a college just because the school happens to be in the Ivy League. </p>

<hr>

<p>By the way, Dartmouth’s ski team is one of the tops in the nation. Williams (mini’s alma mater) is in the top league as well.</p>

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<p>Staying on topic here: My son will not apply to an Ivy League school because he wouldn’t get in. Good test scores, good grades, few activities, simply not an Ivy League resume. I see what it takes to get in, and he is not quite there. If he was at all interested I would encourage him to apply to Penn to see if legacy is worth anything, but he is not up for it anyway. </p>

<p>Mini’s point (re athletes) is true if the athlete has professional aspirations. One of the best basketball players in NJ has the stats to go to the Ivy League. His father went to Princeton and his sister is playing b-ball at Yale. The kid is 7’ 2" and probably wants to try the NBA, so he is going to Duke. </p>

<p>laxer, thanks for post #50 - my best laugh of the day!</p>

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<p>My S never considered an Ivy, though he had worthy stats and probably could have gotten in. For him Ivies just weren’t a good fit.<br>
(Dad went Ivy, and did not encourage it. . .)</p>

<p>IMO, (apparently shared by mkm56) two things are frightening away a lot of potential Ivy applicants: #1: Ivies are mostly filled with east coast people and #2: mostly located in east coast weather.
As everyone who doesn’t live on the east coast (that is, hardly anyone on CC) knows, east coasters are rude, aggressive, impatient, mean, competitive, argumentative, snobbish, and (sorry, friends) just downright unpleasant to be around for more than a few minutes. And mostly liberal and Godless, too. And they probably got that way from sitting in traffic for hours each day in ugly dangerous gray cities during those long, cold, dark, windy, dreary, wet, snowy winters that manage to take up most of what the rest of us call spring and fall, too. Can you spell DEPRESSING? Why do some people choose not to go Ivy? Nasty people, nasty weather–it’s that simple. (All in fun, y’all–don’t take it too personally). Fortunately for the Ivies, there still quite a few applicants who are convinced that they’ll flourish in that kind of atmosphere. …I bet they hardly missed my kid’s application at all.</p>

<p>There is a whole section of the country (the middle part) where
Ivy is virtually unheard of. If you asked people to name Ivy schools, they might get H&Y. </p>

<p>Already mentioned–if you want local business connections, go to the local U–AND become a big fan of their sports teams. . .</p>

<p>In most places there is no Ivy hype. Most people are going to the
state u., or another school that fits them socially, academically, culturally, geographically, religiously, financially, etc.</p>

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<p>Here I am, living amongst competitive, argumentative, snobbish and unpleasant people, with our nasty weather…hmmmm. Shoot! Maybe I am one of those nasty people too!</p>

<p>Perhaps that was a satirical post, but as with Ann Coulter, I must not be able to read satire all that well, since offensive comes across as…well…offensive, even all in fun, y’all!</p>

<p>Anyway, I went to an Ivy school, DH to a top LAC, and our son will go to neither, more than likely, because he wants to major in music performance, which negates most of the top 25. Plus, he only likes to kill himself in overwork on music, so he knows himself well enough to know that he doesn’t have the personality or drive for Ivy.</p>

<p>He’s a fantastic kid though. Charismatic, friendly, draws people to him wherever he goes. Might be a little too liberal and Godless for Atomom, but most everyone who meets him thinks he is a fabulous and talented kid. And he will do well, Ivy or not, east coast or not, as a result.</p>

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<p>I don’t think that was a satirical post. Having lived in a number of States across the country, I would conclude that anyone who would even apply to the U of Okie is unlikely to be happy in the dismal East. I suspec there are lots of people who would not consider the Ivies or other Eastern elite schools due to geographic and cultural preferences. I am sure my D would not have considered going to school in Oklahoma or Arkansas. She could barely muster the interest to send an application to Oberlin.</p>

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<p>I hope I am “allowed” to post b/c though my daughter went to an Ivy, I never once in 4 years thought of it that way. Unbelievable, but true. She went to the joint degree program w/Columbia & List College of JTS because she wanted the intensive Jewish studies as well as “something else” (she wasn’t sure what else when she applied) and that’s where it was. If the joint program had been with NYU or another school that would have been fine, too. So the “Ivy” designation really did not come into our thinking. </p>

<p>With all our kids, it has been the course of study that drove the selection, rather than “prestige.” And $$$, lol.</p>

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<p>Edad, my son refuses to consider the University of North Texas, despite its excellent jazz program, because he has no intention whatsoever of going to school in Texas.</p>

<p>However, I wouldn’t diss all Southerners or Texans because of his preferences (as Atomom did in her post re Easterners), although the segue into such a diatribe is right there…I’m just far too polite!</p>

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<p>I could not convince mine to send an app to Rice or U of Ill.</p>

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<p>“As everyone who doesn’t live on the east coast (that is, hardly anyone on CC) knows, east coasters are rude, aggressive, impatient, mean, competitive, argumentative, snobbish, and (sorry, friends) just downright unpleasant to be around for more than a few minutes. And mostly liberal and Godless, too.”</p>

<p>Wow! I know people that fit this mold, or part of it. I also know many, many kind, well mannered, giving, loving, pleasant, conservative, and faithful people from the Northeast too!</p>