<h1>39 yes</h1>
<p>We are trying to raise gentlemen and good future husbands.
I would tell my son that manners mean you ask a certain time in advance.
I have no idea what that time frame is for your school 
but I would tell my kid I usually plan big parties at least a month beforehand.</p>
<p>I would have hit the roof if one of mine had asked one girl and then another like engineer4life :(</p>
<p>Things may be different in your part of the state, but around here, the majority of girls have their hair and makeup professionally done. Last year I made my Dās appointments WAY in advanceā¦there are only so many places, and only so many appointments a few hours before prom.</p>
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<p>That would be a great thread topic - ideas for the āfancy ask.ā (And what not to do - like asking a cheerleader who is not your GF to prom in front of the whole student body at a pep rally.)</p>
<p>I do sympathize. Itās not easy striking the right balance with our sons- respecting their independence and also teaching them manners. I think a month out is about right, but what is typical does vary by school and region. I would think your first sonās experience would have made an impression on D2, but apparently not.</p>
<p>While Iād want to give a certain amount of guidance regarding the Prom and all that goes with it, I donāt think Iād suggest he date the girl beforehand or interfere with moving the relationship along in any other way. It puts too much pressure on the girl- she may be very happy to be his prom date, but may not want to be a gf, which might be implied by dating beforehand. Also, the Prom gives the two a chance to see how they feel about each other without having to take that step of dating.</p>
<p>These formal situations really can lead to something. DS asked a sweet girl to a formal dance senior year in HS that he had never dated before, and they are still going strong-- six years later. The fact that I had nothing to do with it probably led to their success. ;)</p>
<p>āI would have hit the roof if one of mine had asked one girl and then another like engineer4lifeā</p>
<p>This happened to me with a law-firm prom* when I was THIRTY. I was girl #1, and then he decided to call and ditch me weeks later, days before the event, when girl #2 became a possibility. I had dress, handbag, salon appointment all ready to goā¦grrr!</p>
<p>*Yes, some law firms have proms, aka āAttorney Dinner Dance.ā</p>
<p>Folks, I want to be clear that I didnāt āditchā girl #1. I simply had forgotten that it is a technically impossible to take two girls to the exact same dance. Iād also forgotten that I even asked girl #1 to the prom. There was no āditchingā involved.</p>
<p>We were all friends, and both girl #1 and girl #2 and I all shared a table (along with some other friends), and all of us are still friends.</p>
<p>We wonāt even go into the previous years prom where I took my date home afterwards, as well as somebody elseās date!</p>
<p>The girls in DS1ās circle bought their dresses in January! They were attending prom as a group with (or without) dates. I was so impressed! I think attending (what is here) a 20-hour event with someone you have never spent time with before would be awkward!</p>
<p>I like the idea of taking the girl out somewhere to get to know her beforehand. Maybe if that date goes well he can ask her at the conclusion? Just have him call Zoosermom and sheāll set that up ;-).</p>
<p>First, my credentials to comment on this: mom to 3 guys, sister to 3 guys, and sister-in-law to 3 guys. My advice is to give the information once then butt out. And the information might include the fact that if he doesnāt ask soon, HE might get invited! DS waited too long to invite his choice of homecoming date 2 years in a row, and both times he was invited by girls first and said yes so as to not hurt any feeling. For senior prom he was the first guy in the group to invite a girl. Lesson learned! </p>
<p>Once the first boy pops the question, it will be all over Facebook and the other boys will quickly follow.</p>
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<p>LOL, I didnāt know that others also called it the firm prom! We actually havenāt had one in years, but I have fond memories of them!</p>
<p>I think our prom is the 3rd weekend in April & invitations started at the beginning of February. D2 has been getting the pressure to go as a junior, but has zero interest. From what sheās told me, thereās been feelers put out about if she was going, but sheās shot them down. And thereās already been a number of those nauseating over the top prom invites, but this is coming from a mom who hates Valentineās Day & Motherās Day. I think it puts too much pressure on the boy & creates false expectations for girls. Seriously there was a girl who chose not to go to prom last year because her bf didnāt ask her in a grand manner (i.e. he said so youāre going to prom with me, right?) </p>
<p>ZM: you crack me up. I did really LOL at work ;)</p>
<p>YDS: youāve said your piece, D1 has said his piece, DH has invoked Cho Chang. Iād say youāve done all you can and if he gets burned itās a life lesson. But I think it will work out :)</p>
<p>This is becoming my favorite thread ever. Lawyer prom. Eng4life digging the hole deeper by saying, no I FORGOT I asked the first girl. LMAO. So funny.</p>
<p>Iāll sit tight for now but wonāt be able to not say something if by next week he still hasnāt asked. But Iāll keep in mind what everyone has said and tread lightly.</p>
<p>For the record, ds has done stuff to let her know he likes her. I doubt that if someone beats him to the punch that sheād agree to go with that person, especially because I think everyone has romantic visions of these three couples attending together where the girls are bffs and the boys are bffs. But you never know, and I wouldnāt blame her if she did. Sheās a doll and has lots of circles of friends from her various activities so someone ds doesnāt expect may jump in there. Thatās the only thing Iāve said that really registered with him.</p>
<p>Just to be clear, the couple are friends who ālike each otherā but have never been on a date together, just have hung out in a group of friends, correct? If thatās the case, I too would suggest that they at least have one date, however casual, alone before prom. It may not be true at their high school, but at my daughterās prom, the kind of ādancingā involved is rather intimate (grinding) and I would think that would be very awkward if the couple have never spent any real time together beforehand.</p>
<p>Thatās right. One boy who has been a good friend since summer before sixth grade is dating the girlās bff. And another boy who has been a good friend since second grade has dated another of the girlās good friends for a year. All the girls are on two sports teams together so they are good friends and spend a lot of time together. The six of them are a part of a group of about 12-15 kids who do a lot together ā breakfasts, sports activities, movies, parties. Theyāve had ample time to get to know each other well. And, in dsās defense, he is really picky so if he has decided sheās a good match for him then she must be. But, cāmon dude, take her out one on one instead of relying on the group dynamic to carry the day! <----- thatās what Iād like to say</p>
<p>Our school breaks up grinding on the dance floor. :)</p>
<p>Anyway, itāll all work out, one way or the other, Iām sure.</p>
<p>When my daughters had prom, it was the girls who kind of set things if the boys didnāt step-up. Her gfs need to tell the bfs to have him ask her already. Or themselves say something. It sounds like neither kid would want tomgo with someone else, but tell him how hardit is formher tonhear all the prom talk, the dresses talk, makeup, shoes, etc all her friends are talking about or not if theynwant to spare her feelings. She may have a back upndate and she shouldnāt wait for ever.</p>
<p>I would make up some story of last minute asking and girl had a date already. Tell him just one more time that the girl has feelings, and this is so important and he can make her day by not letting her feel left out. If he doesnāt want to do the fancy asking, something sweet can be more effective. Say a bouquet of ballons with an invitation.</p>
<p>Things are SO different now than when I went to school, VERY much for the better. At least in our section of the world. We used to HAVE to have a date to attend a dance or prom so it was just a time of major angst.
But my D and her friends ( if they had dates or not) planned to go anyway as a group and it was the same with the boys. So the girls would buy dresses, plan on a fun evening, do dinner, take fabulous pix at someoneās home (with or without a date)āand if the guys showed up later that may (or may not be) a bonus!</p>
<p>gouf, thankfully, his school is totally chill about this kind of thing, too. Dinner will no doubt be more than just couples. I remember what a scandal it was when my cousin went to senior prom with two other girls. It was the first time anyone had done that. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I told D if there is a boy she would like to go with she should get up her courage and ask him. This is 2012 after all. Unfortunately she seems to be rather shy about acknowledging that she is interested in someone, so it seems unlikely. It does seem that they donāt have to have a date, as her friends are dress shopping and making plans irrespective of their date status.</p>
<p>This January I was encouraging S (college freshman) to ask one of the girls to the Valentineās day dance, but by the time he finally got it together to ask her she told him before he had the chance that someone else had asked.</p>
<p>^^^Same here gouf. D1 ended up going with a good friend from another school as ājust friendsā but there were groups of kids who just went unattached. D2 has a group of girl friends who will just hang together if they decide to go next year. </p>
<p>Of course, back in my dayā¦(here we go) the senior prom was a senior event that you only got to go to as a ānon seniorā if you were invited by a senior. No junior prom. The prom was an event that included dinner.</p>
<p>Here, juniors plan the prom and can go, while seniors are guests of honor & are presented before the party starts. Then (and this is still weird to me) there is a mother/son and a father/daughter dance before parents are asked to leave. I was the odd transplant mom saying āew, why do the kids let the parents be at the prom? I wouldnāt have wanted my parents at the prom!ā But we went & it was mildly awkward and we beat it out of there quickly as soon as we could. And no dinner! The kids either go to someoneās house & their parents provide dinner, or they make reservations for a restaurant. Guess who got asked to make dinner for 3 couples 4 days before the prom even though Iād been asking for weeks about their plans. Which was fine. And cute.</p>
<p>Parents at the prom??? Thatās a new one. Did you have to buy a fancy dress and get your hair done, too?</p>
<p>āew, why do the kids let the parents be at the prom? I wouldnāt have wanted my parents at the prom!ā </p>
<p>I think that may have stemmed from the helicopter parenting trend. Parents are into everything else these days, why not the prom? I say let the kids have their prom. Photos beforehand should be enough.</p>
<p>Iāve already been to prom and I am not going again.</p>
<p>I did go with my husband, so Iād still have the same date, though, if I had to go. </p>
<p>I like that all the kids just go now, date or no. Itās better that way. It takes the pressure off for those who have a date as well as those who donāt. Plus, who wants to go to their last high school dance without their best friend, who has probably been more a part of high school than their date, anyway?</p>