Speaking from the other side of the aisle, one thing I would tell your D is that a lot of boys are much like herself (from your description), shy, and I know had I been asked by a girl if I wanted to go to the prom with her I would have jumped at it, but I was too socially inept and shy to ask anyone (had no sense of self confidence, for sure, my family did a number on me). I don’t know if she wants someone to ask because she feels that would make it more special, but tell her that there are boys who like her and it is okay to ask them:)
This brings back memories and makes me glad my kids are done with high school. D’s experience was traumatic (for me!) but could be helpful here. A boy (B) asked D (platonic friend), and we thought she was set. But,as OP said, some girls are just way on top of this, and a bit sneaky, and will find a way to get their date. Another friend/acquaintance, who incidentally had just broken up with her bf, put a ton of pressure on D saying how she had always liked B, and always assumed that she would be going with him. This girl, and a couple of her friends, leaned on D to relinquish B, saying it would be the “right thing to do.” It was such bs, and obvious to me that this girl simply wanted a date and was stealing D’s. But D relented and told B he should take the girl. I was so angry when I heard about it, and D began saying, after she had the dress and everything, she didn’t really need to go. I could never look at that girl again (who, no surprise, wound up not even staying in touch with B after), and was kind of disappointed in D that she let them do that.
Anyway, the relevant moral of the story, other than prom time can be awful, is that her other friends stepped in. One of D’s friends saw the problem and the need and tapped an unknown friend of hers to take her. It worked out great since the guy was nice and she got to have fun with him and, more importantly, her friends. I wonder if that may be a good way to go for OP’s D. Maybe some other friend knows someone, and that way she doesn’t have to “ask.” I also haven’t read all the posts (this thread is popular), so I hope I’m not repeating. I think with a friend intermediary, and doing it with someone a bit outside your usual group, the whole thing is a bit less loaded and intimidating.
rhandco - we did that at D’s HS as well. One of D1’s dates was out of town and other at another school in district, but just had to turn in form. Although unlikely given the description of OP’s D, it is a reminder that boy from another school may not be allowed to go if he has disciplinary record.
@tired Hugs to you, my D was in the same position two years ago and I remember hurting for her as well. She elected not to go to prom but did attend the after party with a couple of friends. As much as it seems to be the big glaring event that is coming up, once it’s over with everyone moves on to summer and college plans. Prom just fades into the distance…
From my experience with a son and a daughter, there are usually one or two girls in every social group that seem to have those “super organizer” skills and use those to help structure the event. They put together the limo, maybe the pre prom pictures, dinner, after party, etc. and also do a bit of match making. Is there someone like that in your D’s group of friends? Someone who’s help she could enlist if she’s too shy to ask a boy herself?
I am not sweating the prom at all this year because my daughter made it clear last year that she would rather go solo that be stuck with a date that she really didn’t want to be with…
She has the dress and all the fixings and she really * is * ready to go it alone…I doubt she will though.
Last year , I hosted the parents and kids for photos and limo pick up…I will do it again if she wants to , but I won’t do much for food since the girls are afraid to eat and the parents rush off to the red carpet to see them walk in…I am thinking a bowl of goldfish and M&Ms 
We once lived in a town where there was a small private school (our kids attend the public school). A few weeks before prom the Junior and Senior girls would line up in the cafeteria with bags over their heads. The Senior boys would line up an draw a girls name out of a hat. That was his date for prom. He then went into the cafeteria to figure out which girl was his date (remember, she had a bag over her head) and then ask her. Then the junior boys would go when the senior boys were done.
Inevitably, there would be an uneven mix of boys and girls. They would bring in sophomores to even out the numbers so that all of the juniors and seniors had a date and there was no drama. They all had dinner together before hand and had after prom together afterwards.
^^is this true, seriously? If they all go to school together and just wanted arranged prom dates, why did the girls need to put bags on their heads???
D ended up asking a guy very early in the year. They were just friends, ended up having a prom discussion (maybe he was interested in seeing if she would consider going with him, maybe not) but by the end of the discussion she ended up doing the asking. But that was “unofficial.”
About 3 weeks later he drove up to our house with music blasting accompanied by friends who serenaded her while he presented her with donuts cut up to spell out “PROM?” It was very cute and it all worked out well. But sometimes the girl has to be the one to initiate things.
bajamm (post #85) that is just…bizarre.
Why does everyone have to have a date anyway? I don’t believe in "having to have a date " for a school function. Both of my kids attended HS’s where anyone in the class was welcome to attend prom either with or without a date. Tickets were sold individually.
D is going with boy she met at a summer program and who lives very far away from us. She’s never dated anyone from her high school, and she thinks people might be a little surprised that her boyfriend from out-of-town is real and not a figment of her imagination. I worry a little bit for him because he won’t really know anyone in their group, which will probably include several girls without dates, if I know D and her friends. He may feel like he has four or five prom dates instead of just one. I guess that’s not the worst way to spend an evening for a teenage boy, though.
Since D has never dated, I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what the local “customs” are for prom. I hope at least one of D’s friends is a little more savvy about all the things to do and plans to be made for before and after prom and post-prom festivities than she is.
^ elliemom- do you have a friend or neighbor with a slightly older child that you can ask? Traditions do indeed vary by school.
bajamm, I am sure it’s a nicer tradition than it sounds. But that sound gross to me. Why the paper bags at all?
I get feeling bad for your D. Lord knows, I have spent many hours feeling awful for my kids when things didn’t go well for them. But … life is not always sunshine and roses. I work at the grad level, and I am absolutely floored by the fact that so many of my students cannot deal with life’s inevitable disappointments. Everyone is going to feel like life dealt them a bad hand sometimes. It is not our job as parents to make sure we engineer our kids’ lives so that disappointment never touches them … rather, we should focus on helping them figure out how to deal with those things that don’t go their way. A few not-so-happy moments as teens can assist our kids in dealing with such moments later in life.
But if you really want to make sure she goes, you can do like my friend’s mom did … make her go with her cousin. Let me tell you, my friend would have preferred not to go. 
I work at a high school where the girl to boy ratio is 70/30 so the odds that a girl will attend prop without a date from the senior class at our school. They seem to work it out. Many who have bf’s (as long as they attend a DOE school), will ask them to come to prom. In addition, no one blinks when kids go to prom in groups. Tickets are sold individually so, there is no pressure to purchase a pair of tickets. Personally, I think that it is crazy that anyone should feel pressured to bring a date or have a date for prom. Do you. IF she wants to go with friends than do that.
If she takes a date, is she responsible for paying for his ticket. I think this is also a reason that people don’t ask people who they are not dating or in a relationship with because it can easily become an expensive endeavor.
I remember my D’s prom, they went as a group of friends. One friend asked a guy who went to another school and was miserable all evening because she had to babysit him and make sure he was having a good time (which he didn’t because he knew no one there).
hmmm, D’s best prom experience was when she was her female friend’s “date” to her friend’s prom at a school she didn’t attend - obviously, a less traditional situation. She hardly knew anyone, and had a blast. I honestly think she enjoyed that much more than her own proms, because there wasn’t any pressure and she got to meet new people.
@EllieMom, my son had 3 “dates” for prom! I’m sure he will enjoy showing the pics to his friends, years from now. He asked a friend (actually a freshman girl, but he knew her from robotics, a very bright and interesting girl (G1)), and they were going as friends, with another couple, a girl he had dated previously (G2) and her BF. Then before prom, G2 broke up with her BF (don’t know the details of that) and gave the extra ticket to a friend of my son’s date (G3). The photos of my shy, nerdy S with his 3 gorgeous “dates” are something to behold!
They had a great time, S actually rekindled the flame with G2 that night, they ended up the evening with a walk on the beach in the moonlight (The 2 freshman girls had gone home, I am assured that they had fun and danced a lot but had an earlier curfew than my S and G2, who was a junior). S and G2 dated all summer but split befor he left for college.
You never know.
S was unable to attend any proms in HS, even though he had wanted to go to SR prom. Sadly, he was ill for the weeks up to the prom and prom nite, so we are glad he and the date were spared having him be ill when they were supposed to be enjoying prom together. When you have chronic illnesses (as both my kids do, which saps stamina and is unpredictable but devastating), it is very hard to plan, so both my kids had that added wrinkle to plan around with prom and any other events. I am happy that D was able to enjoy social events with her friends and that she was healthy enough at those times to have some fun and create nice memories. D did NOT have any fancy prom proposals. Two of her friends invited the same guy. He turned both of them down and invited D because HE wanted to do the inviting. She was flattered and surprised. After brief awkwardness, there were not hard feelings among all those involved.
My son is homeschooledd, so prom is handled a bit differently than at ‘regular’ schools. That said, he’s friends with many kids in ‘regular’ schools and I keep hoping that he is NOT asked to a prom. He’d only be going as a friend (so that a female would have a date) and I cringe at the large expense that he’d incur.
Proms are just too expensive. Tickets are over $100 and then there’s the mandatory tux rental. Females can get away with a thrift store dress (one of my daugters did this - $20!) but there are no thrift tuxes in my area for the men.
OP, I hope that something works out for your daughter. I can only imagine the disappointment she must be feeling at this point.
sorry, just checked back in on this thread… my kids didn’t actually attend that school, so I do not know the whole back story of the tradition. I do know that it was a way of making sure everyone had a date, that it was a date between friends, that established couples were not going to be going together, so it was to be a lighthearted evening of friends having fun together.
I really don’t know why the bag thing, unless it was to make the students pay attention to their classmates, to know they were more than just a pretty (or not so pretty) face? I think they were allowed to talk, so the guys would need to know a girls voice in order to facilitate getting the right one.
We did loan out S’s band tux which was worn by a neighbor who attended two prime and his folks didn’t want to rent a tux. Worked out fine.