Question about Seattle or other West Coast weddings?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Agentninetynine-we are really letting the bride and groom figure out how to fit everything into this budget, but I am quite sure we will be having a buffet rather than a plated dinner based on the budget constraints.</p>

<p>JEM-I hear what you are saying, loud and clear. We would like there to be enough food at the wedding, and I think there will be now that we have become financially involved. We realize that we do have to (gently) let many of our guests know that these events are just handled differently on the West coast. We don’t think that many of them will be deterred from joining us based on this knowledge. :slight_smile: Believe me, this will not be a bash thrown in proportion to the distance traveled. Not what we are looking for here. Just some minimum basics.</p>

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<p>Is is possible that the Bride and groom’s visions simply don’t match those of her parents? That is kind of what it sounds like to me.</p>

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<p>When Max & I married, my family and friends had to fly 1000 miles to attend. Same coast, but still a distance. </p>

<p>My parents, who had me very late in life, offered to put up the family friends. All declined the offer and paid for their lodging, but it’s something that was done, especially in that generation. And is still offered today in our circle but usually for the very young and broke or the elderly.</p>

<p>Momof3: Perhaps the guests will embrace the different style. I know sometimes I’m itching to leave after a few hours and DH almost always has one foot out the door!</p>

<p>BTW: If I could do it all over again, I’d be a wedding planner. I love, love, love it!</p>

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<p>lastminutemom196-I am quite sure that the groom’s vision aligns with those of his parents. :wink: Not really sure about the bride, but that’s a good question to ask the prospective groom when we see him later this week.</p>

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<p>Right. You want to be careful not for force stuff on her, as hard as it may be for the groom and for you.</p>

<p>I always enjoy attending simchas in different parts of the country because I like that things are different.</p>

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<p>Agentninetynine-you just gave me a very good idea! I do remember many years ago that my Aunt and Uncle paid for everyone’s hotel room. My son has expressed great disappointment that he thinks that his friends won’t be able to come to the wedding because of the expense involved. I think I will suggest that he offer to pay for their hotel rooms if they can get themselves out there. He can afford it based on his current job. </p>

<p>I am quite sure that our guests will be fine with whatever “style” this turns out to be. :)</p>

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<p>Quite a complicated situation, momof3sons. I’m going to throw out another option, although I don’t think you will like it.</p>

<p>When I got married many years ago, we also had a complicated situation. My husband-to-be and I were living in Boston, and most of our friends were there. My very large family was in the Midwest. On top of that, the last thing I wanted was our typical family wedding – a huge, drunken brawl. My father was one of 11 siblings and my mother one of 8. Most of their siblings had very large families, up to 11 kids. There were 10 kids in my family. I have well over 100 first cousins. There is a high incidence of alcoholism. </p>

<p>I wanted a small, low-key wedding. I really, really, really, did not want anyone getting drunk at it. I actually wanted to have no liquor served, but my husband (who drinks minimally) would not go for this. We had a beautiful wedding in a historic home outside Boston, ceremony outdoors under willow trees next to a lovely pond. I knew the couple who were caretakers living in the house, and it was like having a free wedding consultant. They recommended a fantastic caterer (elegant buffet late lunch), a great florist, a wonderful musical group (family of string players, everything from violins/violas/cellos playing Mozart during the ceremony to bluegrass on banjoes during the reception, and everything in between). We had our immediate families and good friends, including children who could run around on the grounds. It was a beautiful day and a perfect wedding for me.</p>

<p>A couple of weeks later, my parents had a second reception for us in the Midwest, with my huge extended family in attendance. I think you won’t want to go for this option, because you will want all your relatives at the actual ceremony. In our case this was for the best. My family is Irish Catholic, and I had not been Catholic for years at that point. We were married outdoors by a female Episcopalian minister. I can’t even begin to describe the drama if my relatives were invited to a non-Catholic ceremony. Some would refuse to go, some would go but show disapproval, in all cases there would be much discussion before, during and after. Some of my relatives are more holy than the pope (refused to attend second weddings in Catholic churches where the church was OK with the marriage because the first marriage was not in a Catholic church, etc.) </p>

<p>As it is, you are looking at planning and paying for 2.66667 large parties on the opposite coast. East coast attendees will be paying a fortune to attend. Some might have problems with the Sunday evening time. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

48

<p>Glad to help, Momof3 :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Have another idea. Not sure Alaska Airlines flies to your closest city, but with the opening of an Alaska credit card, you receive a companion fare ticket. That might help at least one friend get to the wedding.</p>

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<h1>47^^oh wow! wonderful solution.</h1>

<p>My kids have many international friends so we are becoming very familiar with the idea of more than one ceremony… one in US and one at home. Is there a reason this couple can’t get married twice? </p>

<p>My solution up to now had been to ramp up the rehearsal dinner to be the party you wanted (and the brunch) and leave the bride’s parents to host exactly the wedding they wanted. My concern becomes the possibility of miscommunication. Maybe the bride’s family just doesn’t approve, for whatever reason, the sort of wedding you approve and you are putting them in an awkward position by insisting on getting involved. I understand you saying the kids are asking for your help, but still the bride’s family may not want to be hosts to the sort of wedding their daughter wants. That is their right imho.</p>

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<p>You are already “planning and paying for 2.66667 large parties.” I would just issue the invitations and let the guests decide for themselves if it is in their budget to come . Or, let your son worry about it since you say he has some funds. You are being very generous. I know I would not be at all happy if I had agreed already to pay for a rehearsal dinner and brunch and then later either of my sons asked me to finance 2/3 of the wedding as well. You have two other sons and you may have to help with their weddings down the line. You are setting a precedent with this son as to how much you are willing to do. Good luck! This situation does sound complicated in that you are having to worry about the wedding and reception as well as a rehearsal dinner and brunch.</p>

<p>Just saw alh’s post.Agree completely. Focus on making the rehearsal dinner just the way you want it.</p>

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<p>fwiw, as a MIL, I think meeting the other parents should be a priority even if it means cutting those travel expenses from the wedding budget. ymmv</p>

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<p>Another thought and question:</p>

<p>Are you communicating directly with the other parents or only through their daughter?</p>

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<p>Yes, that is something I’m still unclear of- The relationship with the bride’s parents and what they think of all of this. I do think if you do have an excess of guests for the wedding, it is considerate of you to offer to help the bride’s family with that cost.</p>

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<p>I attended a friend’s wedding out in the Seattle area in the summer of 2011. There was no cocktail hour as it was a dry wedding. </p>

<p>The general outlines were: </p>

<p>Wedding ceremony at church.</p>

<p>Lunch </p>

<p>Break while family and close friends like yours truly went ahead to the reception hall to do setup to get it ready for the reception.</p>

<p>Reception where there are various family, best man, maid of honor, and other friends make speeches about the couple and giving them good wishes.</p>

<p>Reception dinner</p>

<p>Dancing with DJ providing music. </p>

<p>I had a great time there and spent much time on the dance floor with some fine ladies despite having two left feet. :)</p>

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<p>mom, I’m being redundant with my comments on your prior thread but will repeat myself in case those have slipped out of sight.</p>

<p>The University District Silver Cloud is a perfect choice for guests, IMO: clean and comfortable, ample free parking, and an easy quick walk to University Village for coffee, drugstore, restaurants, shopping; see link. They will want to be clear when reserving to select the correct location, as there are a few Silver Clouds around Seattle. This one is in between Capitol Hill and Temple Beth Am, and both are easily accessed without freeway driving: 5-10 minutes north to the temple, 10-15 minutes south to Capitol Hill. Given these locations, I’ll underscore that you wouldn’t need to worry about transportation unless the reception venue has a shortage of parking. The temple has a lot with plenty of free parking.</p>

<p>50 North Restaurant across from the Silver Cloud would be a great brunch location.</p>

<p>[50</a> North ? a University District gathering place featuring upscale American cuisine](<a href=“http://50northrestaurant.com%5D50”>http://50northrestaurant.com)</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.uvillage.com%5B/url%5D”>http://www.uvillage.com</a></p>

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<p>50 North looks great! It looks like they have a private room but it can only accommodate up to 25 people. Do you think they can handle a larger group in the restaurant?</p>

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<p>It’s great there are so many Seattle CC’ers to offer venue advice.</p>

<p>I plan to do a local reception either at my home or at a place like Maggioni’s, where I can serve veggies and dairy (no meat items). I can invite the parents of son’s closest friends, and close friends who don’t wish to travel 1000 or 2500 miles.</p>

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<p>So Parents…I bow to you all because you started my re evaluation of the wedding. The reevaluation is NOT the suitability of the bride. I have pushed to set a date and lock down a venue. (The mil has no conception of choosing anything other than her guest list which has to happen.</p>

<p>After the contract is signed, even though we are paying a significant amount for the wedding…this has to become a mother and daughter event. (This is already sticky because her parents are divorced and they hate each other.) We will do the rehearsal dinner, the day after brunch. and yes, I will ask for input. (But let’s face it…I will do what I like unless there is a suggestion that is outstanding.) </p>

<p>The venue is really nice. And weddings tend to be more formal. I fully supported the bride’s vision of a very traditional ceremony. The invitations will say cocktail attire…per my son’s request. </p>

<p>I know that people here know that I shop VERY well. One day I will tell the tale, which I witnessed NOT involved it, of the Chanel riot. Give me a credit card with a big credit limit (or no credit limit) and I can purchase Saks in ten minutes My daughters are very stylish. Mil doesn’t feel clothes are important…and we will have the bridal salons quite full…of us.</p>

<p>So…while I will vent here…fly little birdies!!! Pick your colors, your linens, your flowers and invitations…I am (without anyone asking me) making this a mother/daughter event.</p>

<p>…but I can’t believe that she picked…stop it Ellebud…you have done what you can. And I will vent here…occasionally.:)</p>

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<p>Sevmom, I’m not sure about the specifics of their space. I haven’t eaten there but it has been recommended to me by several friends. It’s a very handy location.</p>

<p>Another option for private dining is Piatti at U Village. They may be willing to open early for a private brunch. </p>

<p>[Piatti</a> Seattle Italian Restaurant & Bar - Italian cuisine and friendly service in University Village](<a href=“http://www.piatti.com/seattle/]Piatti”>http://www.piatti.com/seattle/)</p>

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<p>Ellebud, surely you’re not going to tease us like that! A hint, at least?</p>