Terminal uniqueness?
Plz explain.
Really good question. It’s a phrase used in AA by some.
The concept that the world revolves around me. I experience unique pain loss and disillusionment from everyone else. I resent the world and people when it doesn’t go according my plan. Things and occurrences are “done to me”.
This self centered (not take the big piece of pie type ) but that everything in life goes through a lens of “me”.
This can lead to a resentment and separation from the world. Or what some call a spirtual malady. A separateness that is synthetically relieved by drugs and alcholhol. But can begin a vicious cycle. A simple solution to this thought system. If you have the genetic markers, it is a terminal problem long term.
The cure for alcoholism for a many of a change of perspective. Seeing yourself as part of something bigger. The connectivity back to fellow man and the broader universe. To understand that things just occur and aren’t a conspiracy against me. Losing resentment and seeing things as occurring as planned and having serentity around thesen issues. Letting go of anger and judgement. Becoming part of a whole instead of terminally unique.
This turn of perspective can help you stop making such a heavy going of life. And empathy for others replaces you acting as actor director and producer of this world. To some they refer to it as stop trying play God. It’s too tiring.
@privatebanker it’s interesting-I have a 20-year-old nephew who is struggling with addiction. He, too, feels that everything is a conspiracy against him. I have never understood this thinking. I mean, he’s had some pretty serious challenges but he’s great-looking, really smart (got a full-ride to a top 30 LAC)-but so miserable. In his last text to me he said that he was on a down-ward spiral and has accepted it and isn’t going to do anything to stop it-he’s just going to keep going “until it all ends.” I don’t know how to help him. I had him out for the summer last year to try intensive outpatient therapy (he went high every day) and then in-patient (he was kicked out after about five days). Eventually, we sent him home because it was clear nothing was helping.
His dad is an alcoholic and I know he had a rough childhood, which he’s never worked through.
What would you suggest I do, other than keeping in touch and trying to encourage him?
Unfortunately for the loved ones, most won’t seek a solution until the pain becomes overhelming. Many mistakenly conflate hitting rock bottom with a dui, job loss or other outward indication. It’s actually more a level of desperation that renders one “to a state of reasonableness”.
I would order the book “Alcoholics Anonymous”. Often called The Big Book.
Start by arming yourself with the facts about the disease. From the point of view of the once afflicated and now recovered.
Read the “Forward to the first edition”, “The Doctor’s Opinion” and the chapter called “More about alcoholism”. It’s not a lot of reading.
Armed with sufficient facts you may be able to approach him. Look to see if there is a Young Person’s meeting. Locally near him. They are everywhere. Send him a copy of the book and suggest the chapters I did. See if they resonate. If so encourage him. It may take more than a few attempts.
If however he is cycling towards something you feel is suicidal. You may have to have him sectioned or report to his school.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this, but please understand he is very ill. And needs help. You do not have to power to help him on your own. He may be beyond human aid and need the kind of spiritual reboot AA offers. It’s not a weekly abstinence “get together”. Done according to the way it’s laid out in the book and executed at certain meetings, it looks to bring about “a complete psychic change”. Not a religious program! Although I do not knock that at all.
But more like yoga for the mind if that makes any sense. It provides permanent relief from the underlying condition. The drugs and alcohol are only symptoms of the problem.
Good luck.
She’s drunk. Big surprise. Didn’t take long after discharge from rehab.
I probably won’t say much more unless something major happens. Thank you all for your support. Keep sending the good thoughts. This is exhausting.
You may find it interesting to read the article today about Andrew Zimmern. The super chef and star of the weird food show on TV.
Alcoholism took him to complete homelessness in NYC for a year. He found a solution. And his life turned around. Don’t give up hope. Remember the Serentity prayer. It’s relevant.
And sending you some positive vibes.
From the “Guardian” UK newspaper.
“Scientist David Nutt memorably said alcohol is more dangerous than crack”
He’s trying to develop a safer alternative. He found that alcohol binds to all 15 of the brain’s gaba receptors. “It’s a very promiscuous” drug from a brain science standpoint.
80 years ago without the brain science known today, the authors of “Alcoholics Anonymous” simply called it a “cunning and baffling foe”. More cunning than thought in fact.
Please be careful this weekend. And drive sober. Be kind to each other too.
So sad to learn about salutatorian and Eagle Scout super star student at a prestigious university just died. Perhaps the stress, depression and/or a substance abuse disorder. Or all three.
Just remember that people can be ill and society at large labels them as drunks or druggies. They are still human beings that someone loved dearly. Or were a beautiful young child at one point.
@calla1 So sorry about your niece.
On this Easter. Please remember that it’s a story of resurrection. Redemption. This can happen for those with alcoholism and addiction as well. It is best approached with the love and understanding that was the example that Jesus left for the world. Whether you have faith in him as deity , respect him as a prophet or simply as an important teacher for mankind.
The lesson is eternal for all of us.
The leper’s, wretched, the poor. They all were seen as children of god or the universe or human kind.
Be kind to each other this weekend.
Happy Easter and Passover
If family gatherings create anxiety and you start thinking about a drink, call your sponsor, go for a walk or find a meeting. Holidays can be difficult in early recovery.
Relax. Read a book or take a nap.
Very sad news, I feel compelled to put out there.
A dear friend from my AA circle has a 23 old son who has been struggling with depression and self medicating since college. We tried to get him to go through the steps, he stopped the process a few weeks ago after a remarkable transformation.
Then just stopped. He was acting erratically. Tried to help get him committed as a threat to himself. Judge didn’t agree last week.
He went into the woods this AM and shot himself. Left two notes. One to the police apologizing for having to tell his mom. One to his brother in college.
It’s gets very real. Substance abuse many times is an outward sign of inner turmoil. Be aware of the signs of depression.
My husband’s brother shot himself a couple of years ago. Alcohol and a gun, together in one moment that lasts forever.
I’m so very sorry for your AA friend and family.
Thank you for starting this thread. All life is connected.
I’m so sorry, @privatebanker. Such a loss of a promising young life. @Lynnski, you are right. We’re all interconnected.
So sorry to read about these precious lives lost too soon. Thanks for sharing—hopefully others will get and stick with the help they need.
I am so sorry your friend lost a son to suicide.
So much pain!
There are wonderful stories of remarkable recovery and rebirth too!
Successful and happy lives rising out from the ashes like the Phoenix.
It happens all the time.
I don’t know the ins and outs of it but my father in law was able to stop drinking with the help of support groups at the VA. Underlying the drinking was serious PTSD from the Korean War.
My husband said he was a completely different man with the grandchildren vs what they grew up with. All the grandkids adored being around him because he was so present with them in the moment.
Praying for support for the teens witnessing the trauma and violence out there. It’s a ptsd and suicide cohort. And substance abuse is a big problem.
Five years ago this weekend. I was in a hospital getting stitched up for a horrific fall down the stairs. And smashing my own car into my garage door frame just moving it in for the night.
Thankfully wasn’t driving that Memorial Day weekend.
I had bee going to “smart recovery” for over a year and therapy. Thought I had the drinking problem licked.
Nope. I’ll have “just one” on the deck for the long weekend and after a stressful few months.
Next thing you know It’s the next morning. I had cracked up the front corner of a brand new car and fallen.
So bad 911 was called. I refused treatment when the ambulance arrived.
To this day l, I don’t recall anything. Not a moment.
I only tell you this to point out you can find relief.
It wasn’t the severity of the fall or any of that. I’d had other issues over the years. None of matters a few days later. The ego and mind won’t remember the pain and suffering of a week or month ago, if you are suffering from the deep and pervasive sense of unease and melancholy.
But I’d did find relief in a 12 step fellowship. It changed everything and my inner sense of desperation was eased.
If you or somebody you love has an alcohol problem and you don’t know what to do.
Read the big book of AA. It’s only 164 pages plus the forwards. Or DM me.
My family and my life has been changed forever. It can for you or them as well.
It’s starts with rigorous honesty and ends with a basic serenity in your life. Even when things aren’t going your way.
Be safe this weekend!