Redo: Plan Your First Wedding Again

Parent Cafe
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<p>My first and only wedding----- we were married in a garden conservatory by a Lutheran minister who was the H of a new friend – problem #1. One of my best friends from childhood was Lutheran so I thought I knew what I was in for and was so giddy about the planning that I forget to check all the details.</p>

<p>It turns out that he was a fundamentalist. Early in the mass he spoke about “how Jesus is the head of the Church, so is the man the head of the household” or something like that. My sister, the matron of honor, hissed at him. A baby in the front row let out a hideous wail and in that moment, how I loved that baby! </p>

<p>He had told us that he would read some things about love from the bible. Welllllll, he read all about Jesus being tortured and whipped (because it was Lent, he told me later). The best man said — well never mind what the best man said except to note that he is a psychiatrist and a Jungian and his imagery was even richer than the minister’s.</p>

<p>The unity candle fell over when we lit it. But at least it stayed lit.</p>

<p>The reception went a bit better. I was determined to have a tasty and moist wedding cake and interviewed a few people before I settled on a pastry chef for a local restaurant whose name was Lenny. Lenny brushed each layer of the wedding cake with Chambord and the layers were separated with a rich raspberry goo. There was white fondant icing (which you roll out and fit over the cake) and minimal piped on decorations - mainly just fresh flowers. </p>

<p>It was sweet and tasty and moist. But the groom’s cake blew it away.</p>

<p>I told Lenny that the groom liked chocolate, bananas and coffee and he ran with it. The cake was rich, dark chocolate with a banana liqueur flavor and some bananas between the layers. It had a chocolate/coffee ganache frosting (thick and poured over the cake). On the video, you see H get the first piece. He tastes it and his whole face lights up. He goes around giving everyone a taste as he eats it and then goes back for a second piece. Sorry, it’s gone already!!! I think his mother gave him a bite of hers.</p>

<p>We’ve both been longing for a second taste of that cake for years!</p>

<p>But, it lead to problem #2 ---- NO COFFEE! What kind of wedding has no coffee? Mine apparently. I had assumed it was part of the package. The catering guy never mentioned it. It was awful that it was missing and I wanted to fall into the floor but that’s not something a bride can do.</p>

<p>All in all, it was a great time, and I loved having so many people who mean so much to me in the same place at the same time, celebrating. We had about 75 people which was a good number. And we went to Italy for our 10th anniversary which was just perfect. Or perfetto!</p>

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I’d have assumed the same thing. But we have learned, as d1 navigates the waters of planning a wedding today, that everything is extra - and if it’s not written down in that contract, you’re not going to see it on the big day. She’s going with a well-regarded caterer, whose prices look dirt cheap for a lovely meal. But then - “Oh, you want plates with that? Silverware? Glasses? Napkins? Coffee? Etc.” </p>

<p>Greenwitch, your cakes sound wonderful - if the baker is in the Northern Virginia area (and still in business), please let me know who it is!:)</p>

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<p>@ frazzled - He was in New Orleans, and it was long ago. My MIL wanted to visit various restaurants to figure out where to have the rehearsal dinner. She insisted on trying all the desserts too. At one restaurant (Andrea’s), the desserts were all made in-house and we were told that the pastry chef took outside orders too. That was Lenny.</p>

<p>It could be fun way to research your D’s wedding. I would also visit the Alexandria Pastry Shop. They have excellent, pretty, and tasty cakes of all types!</p>

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<p>1984…We’d been living in Michigan for 3 years, but decided to get married in our home town in Minnesota. My mother planned most of the wedding, which was fine with me. Because we’d been working for a few year, we were able to pay for part of it. I went with the dusty rose bridesmaids’ dresses, too, only they were off the shoulder, as was my gown. I really splurged on my dress. Even though it was a sample dress and highly discounted, it was still expensive. (The dry cleaner didn’t realize it was silk and ruined it. After a battle, they ended up reinbursing me for it. Good thing I’m not particularly sentimental.) My cake was alternating layers of chocolate and Harvy Wallbanger. Don’t ask me how we picked that! It rained, so we had to go to an indoor park for pictures, which aren’t real attractive. Afterwards, I remember wishing we had just eloped, but now, eons late, I’m happy we did the big wedding.</p>

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<p>My sister-in-law wanted me to read that Bible passage at her wedding and I flat-out refused.</p>

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<p>Such great stories!
My one and only wedding was a lot of fun! I was the last daughter of 7 to get married but my parents had both passed away by then. My sisters gave us a huge check - because they got the same form my dad!
My younger sister was my only bridesmaid and my only niece was my flower girl. My sister and I have never been thinner and we looked fantastic in Priscilla of Boston gowns.
I had my FIL escort me down the aisle. (He’s still a gem!) MIL was a trip - arriving late to the wedding, asking me the day before if I had been drinking. (No, just a little giddy at the thought of getting married, thank you very much!) Lovely little church at the tip of Manhattan. Unfortunately after the invitations went out, we realized the “event” space would not be ready and we had to scramble to find another. We had it a the NY Academy of Art - some society doyenne had hosted a Roman forum party there the night before so we had all this lovely draping all over these enormous plaster statues of Zeus, Venus, Hercules!!
H and I planned the whole thing but we had a host of gay men help with every detail - food, flowers, music…A male nurse I worked with even did my hair and make-up - very low key - just perfect for me.
Honeymoon was 3 weeks in Europe - ah, to be a yuppie in the 80s!!</p>

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<p>My first (only) wedding:
Both H and I were almost 24. 2 years out of college.</p>

<p>My re-do: my dress. I hated it. I hated it then and I hate it now. It was the only thing I was paying for, my parents paid for everything else. For some reason I got a price of $600 in my head and refused to go above that. Even in 1986, that was a low price. Also, I didn’t have a “big picture” of the dress in my head - just knew I wanted pure white, not ivory (I look awful in off-white), I wanted poofy sleeves, and I wanted to look “colonial.” Why??? Who knows. Tried on every dress in NJ and ended up with a dress that looked like Martha Washington. Didn’t like it, but didn’t find anything I liked better in my price range. I think my problem was, I didn’t know WHAT I wanted. </p>

<p>Also, I wanted a hat because I thought I looked good in hats. My mom knew someone who made them, and she made mine to match my gown. At one point when trying on dresses I tried on a tiara and both Mom and I thought it looked great, but her friend had already started making the hat and we didn’t want to hurt her feelings.</p>

<p>I have told my daughter - you only wear the dress one day, but you have to look at the pictures every single day for the rest of your life (if you do as most people and hang up a wedding photo in your house). So think of it as a dress you have to look at forever, and spend accordingly.</p>

<p>Also - it was 1986, and the bridesmaids wore bubble-gum pink. I took them shopping with me and they picked the dress, which wasn’t what I wanted at all - it was tea-length, and actually not too hideous by 1980 standards. (I wanted floor length). They also chose the little flat hats with the netted face veil. The only thing I picked was the color.</p>

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<p>“we had a host of gay men help with every detail…” </p>

<p>I love it!</p>

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<p>Our anniversary is tomorrow and we’ll be married 37 years! </p>

<p>I would have invited fewer people, and more of them would be people that my husband and I knew or cared about having at our celebration. Back in those days we were expected to spend all our time visiting every guest, so we hardly had any time to dance and enjoy the event. We never even got to eat our cake. And by the time we ate the top of the cake on our first anniversary, it tasted bad. So I would have spent more time actually enjoying our reception. And I would have eaten the cake on our one month anniversary!</p>

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<p>BUandBC82…yes, June 26,1982</p>

<p>No coffee, alcohol or dancing at my reception…it was at a Southern Baptist church.</p>

<p>I don’t remember eating the cake either. Ours was also awful on first anniv.
My aunt packed us a box of travel food for the five hour roadtrip to our new apt. After a couple of hours on the road,DH tells me to break out the food. Inside were the tiniest tidbits of our reception food and no cake. We found our later that my aunt had become anorexic.</p>

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<p>Missypie, your mention of no showers made me think about mine. In a small church community center again (like the wedding) with bunches of people I didn’t know, but pretended to know. Earlier this summer I was in that church community room again - it looked EXACTLY the same as close to 30 years ago!!!</p>

<p>I’m LOL’ing at how many dusty pink dresses have suffered through thrift shops over the years because of our weddings!!! </p>

<p>Someone mentioned dishes. How many people had one of the Pfaltzcraft patterns??? I had the “wheat” colored pattern - wheat and blue. Still have a few of those pieces!!! Also popular was the off white and blue - my sister-in-law had every stinkin piece of that your could get!!!</p>

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<p>Pfaltzcraft - and I still have the cannisters. Mine are yellow-ish with brown trim. Can’t remember the name of the pattern. Have dropped several hints that I’d like a set of stainless steel canisters for my birthday/Mothers Day/anniversary… no success.</p>

<p>I had an engagement party and 2 showers, but DH missed his own bachelor party. He was in our apartment in MA waiting for our stuff to be delivered from NJ (he had just changed jobs). The stuff was supposed to arrive that morning, and H had to be in NJ that night for his bachelor party. It was Thursday, rehearsal & dinner were Friday, wedding was Saturday, flight to honeymoon on Sunday. About 4 or 5 pm the mover finally calls, he didn’t even leave NJ until after noon and his truck broke down. But not to worry, he could deliver our stuff on Saturday, would that work for us? NO! Finally had to find a friend in MA to sit in our apartment all day Saturday and wait for the mover to show up. Meanwhile, H didn’t get back to NJ until 11pm so the Bachelor Party was a no-go. </p>

<p>I didn’t want the engagement party but my in-laws insisted. I felt like it was just asking people for ANOTHER gift. We got 9 cake plates, including 4 footed cake plates. Now we have a formal dining room we use maybe twice a year, with a big china cabinet full of engagement and wedding presents that we never use. As a result, I refuse to buy brides crystal or serving dishes. I go practical, gift card or cash.</p>

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<p>OKay, that made me laugh out loud. I can just hear one of the consultants from Kleinfleds, “How do you want to look on your wedding day?” “Like Martha Washington.”</p>

<p>ROFL</p>

<p>My first was like* Little House on the Prairie*, but it was 1981 - I made it from a Gunne Sax pattern. I also made 2 of the 3 bridesmaid dresses…I had peach instead of dusty rose, but my first bedroom was decorated in that dusty rose and dusty blue Laura Ashley pattern. The bridesmaid dresses had poufy sleeves, but when I think about them they are still pretty. (I think my parents have possession of that wedding album.)</p>

<p>My second dress (1989) was tea length silk chiffon, had bows at the shoulders (sort of greek looking) and a big one across my bottom…remember that trend? I had it custom designed and made for $400, iin two months.</p>

<p>Two weddings and I’ve never tried on a gown at a bridal shop. (Is that why I love Say Yes to the Dress?) I went to a bridal shop before my second wedding, but when they found out my wedding was a little over two months away, they wouldn’t let me try anything on. I left in tears. Kleinfelds would never treat a customer that way!</p>

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<p>I’m envious of those of you who wouldn’t change a thing. I would change almost everything. About the only thing I would keep the same might be the dress (but not the veil.)</p>

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<p>DH and I were 22 in December 1983, bridesmaids wore dusty rose taffeta skirts with poufy Victorian lace blouses and burgundy velvet sashes. (Made them myself.) Also made my wedding gown, headpiece and all the silk flower arrangements. Guys wore charcoal tuxes that have stood the test of time, at least from a photographic standpoint.</p>

<p>Burned a huge hole in the organza on my dress the night before the formal pics. Stayed up the rest of the might making lace insets to hide the spot (and to put them on other parts of the dress so it would look like I intended it to be that way). That was the part of the dress people liked the most.</p>

<p>We had 55 people at the reception. Ticked off the owners of the catering hall by making them take down the Christmas decorations. I made a chuppah for our ceremony and then left it there. DJ was totally incompetent and DH spent half the reception on the phone trying to get a replacement. (This shoulda been a clue.)</p>

<p>Honeymoon was at a small place in the Poconos and the sheriff came by to post a foreclosure/sale notice on the cabin the morning we left.</p>

<p>Re-dos: Different dress (would go for something much simpler), had at least some real flowers, had the wedding in October or the spring. Would have had an informal reception, possibly outdoors.</p>

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<p>That’s not how my husband’s family rolls. After I got pregnant with DD, my husband’s sister got engaged and then she and her mother decided to schedule the wedding three days after my due date. Then my MIL spent the entire pregnancy pressuring me about my due date. She kept wanting to know if the doctor had changed it, as if his job was to invent a new due date to accommodate the wedding that was planned AFTER I had conceived. I made it crystal clear that if I was having the baby on the wedding day that DH would be with me. So much drama. In the end, DD was six days late and I was at the wedding. Honestly, the whole thing strained my relationship with both the bride and her mother for a very long time.</p>

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<ol>
<li>Parents and a dozen additional friends and family. First and only wedding. Bought the dress at Saks for something like $175. Really a cocktail dress. Off-white chiffon, below the knee, v-neck, loose long sleeves. Could be something from the late thirties or early forties. Ivy and calla lily bouquet. Small ivy and baby’s breath arrangement in back of hair. I love that absolutely nothing in the photos (including my hair - not "80’s at all) looks dated. Church wedding. Late lunch at a lovely five-star French restaurant in town. Gorgeous early spring day. Simple three-tiered white cake with apricot filling at groom’s parents’ house after service and then left for several days at a country inn. It was simple, small, but perfect for us.</li>
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<p>@mimk6 - that is just awful. You should always be nice to pregnant ladies, not harrass them with unneeded stress! I hope you at least got to eat a lot at the reception.</p>

<p>@bonniemom - it all sounds so lovely, especially the dress!</p>

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<p>LOL, mimk6…how dare you be pregnant when your SIL is engaged.</p>

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<p>My BIL and SIL planned their weekend wedding-yep 3 days of events for the weekend our son was starting boarding school. We missed the first 2 days of wedding events taking him to school and going to the freshman parents cocktail party. My BIL actually called and asked me if S really had to go to BS, couldn’t he just go to the local Catholic HS! When I said no that would not be happening, he asked if he really needed to be there for orientation, ummm yes, that’s when I decided to attend the cocktail party. We made the ceremony on Sunday. Not sorry I missed the talent show, the circle time, and other getting to know everyone events!</p>