We have attended many rehearsal dinners with no alcohol and enjoyed them just fine. I guess folks have varying expectations about meals and alcohol. It really doesn’t loom large in our life. I didn’t have any alcohol at our rehearsal dinner. I guess it depends on the expectations of the folks you hang out with and your loved ones. To H & me, it was all about the people, NOT the beverages.
I believe the officiant was invited to the rehearsal dinner and reception of our wedding and many others I’ve attended.
There won’t be alcohol at our kids’ weddings due to my family’s religious beliefs, even though I don’t agree with them. I would be disappointed in people who wouldn’t come just because alcohol is not served!
How would people know in advance whether alcohol would or would not be served? If folks chose not to come because there is no alcohol, seriously it’s their loss and IMHO, a pretty sad statement that they chose not to attend for such a reason.
HIMom- you are missing the point. They aren’t going to not come because there is no alcohol. It’s a matter of what creates an enjoyable evening event around the activities of the weekend. Of course everyone will survive if there is no alcohol, but the OP is assessing the venue, which is ideal in every other respect.
I don’t drink coffee, but many people would expect a coffee service during/after the meal. Alcohol is generally a part of an event such as this unless there are strong religious beliefs. It’s a matter of weighing whether the venue is worth not being able to serve some alcohol.
My guess is those who like to drink in that situation, given a choice, would pay for their own meal at a place that served liquor, than enjoy the free meal. But…of course it’s all about enjoying the people.
I grew up where having alcohol at a wedding would have been as unthinkable as handing out cigarettes. It is only in the last few ten or so years that I’ve seen alcohol at a couple of wedding receptions. Although I don’t drink and don’t like being around alcohol in general, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to complain about alcohol being served nor to resent the fact that it was there. Rather, I carried around my cup of Coke and enjoyed the event. Being a guest means being polite and accepting the kind hospitality that the host provides. Anyone who isn’t willing to do that shouldn’t be there in the first place.
I like Pizzagirl’s suggestion of the cappuccino/latte bar. That sounds like something that would be a hit.
"I certainly would not be “angry” to not be served wine at a dinner, but to not have wine, for me, is like not being offered dessert, or coffee and tea. Sure, some won’t miss it, but some will. Lack of wine makes some kind of statement. It’s up to you whether you think the statement is worth making. "
I think part of it has to do with how important alcohol is. To me, not being offered alcohol (when I’ve got a selection of other beverages) is kind of like not being offered lemonade when there’s already iced tea and soft drinks. Nothing’s “missing” by its absence. Obviously others feel differently, and obviously to some extent I’m affected by that because I did kind of feel I was serving wine not because H/I enjoyed it, but because it’s a “thing” associated with celebratory events. So I’m clearly useless to the OP’s decision-making I guess it gets down to a) how much your social circle expects it in the first place and b) how much you care about pleasing them (and it’s ok not to please them all).
I did ask in an earlier post what the norm was/what was expected where the OP lives.
My experience was the opposite. Growing up I attended several weddings (small town- they were either related to us or friends) and there was always a bar as well as dancing. It was expected. I was in my mid 30’s when I attended my first wedding where the reception was cake and (non-alcoholic) punch in the church hall. That would have been unthinkable where I grew up.
I don’t know why the rehearsal dinner has become the start to a pre wedding 3 day celebration. The dinner, the wedding, the after wedding party and the brunch. I like the idea of a nice, quiet, early rehearsal dinner with immediate family, wedding party and their spouses or significant others. With or without alcohol or just beer and wine.
As an ER nurse, I can’t tell you the number of times that wedding parties have ended up in the ER from excessive drinking at the rehearsal dinner, night before the wedding bachelor party and the wedding itsefl.
^ Because many of us have family and friends from out of town and as such we believe in dinner on the night befor wedding and brunch the day after is the right thing to do when people are coming long distances to attend a wedding. My family has been doing this for well over 30 years.
My family just had this issue with my niece’s wedding. Our family had also done a rehearsal dinner that included the out of town guests. My sister decided it was just too much. Almost everybody was from out of town and it would have basically been another reception. The bride said she wanted the actual wedding/reception to be special, not just another big bash like the night before. So they drew the line and had a small rehearsal dinner with only the wedding party and the couple’s immediate families—27 people, I think. Still a nice dinner event but much better than a second invitation list!!
An informal gathering was then held (I think it started at 9)–with cash bar–at a nearby bar/restaurant for those who wanted to mingle, etc. An invitation was included in the hospitality bags (provided in hotel rooms by the wedding couple). (I’m not remembering what they called the gathering but they came up with a cute name for it. Maybe a ‘meet & greet’ but not sure.) It worked out so well! I’m convinced that if my kids ever (!!) get married, I am going to follow this plan as well. I got the impression many of the couple’s friends (ie: young people) enjoyed exploring on their own for dinner and used the later gathering to re-connect and get to know a few of the other guests.
D’s rehearsal dinner was wedding party, parents and grandparents only. But we held an informal meet and greet with beer,wine,soft drinks as well as dessert afterward. The majority of the guests were from out of town.
ECmotherof 2 - same as Emilybee here, that was what we did, 30 years ago. Rehearsal dinners was for all out of town guests. It was absolutely the norm in our circles - nothing new from my perspective.
I think that “hard” liquor has almost gone out of style. Maybe it’s me, but I simply just do not know too many people that drink mixed drinks anymore. My parents or grandparents come to mind when I think of mixed drinks. I could not even tell you what goes into a manhattan, whiskey sour or highball - yet I remember those terms from my childhood when my parents entertained. Of course things like martinis and margaritas remain popular.
I like an occasional vodka with grapefruit and H does enjoy a scotch, but we tend to only have those beverages at home so no driving is involved. I think for social occasions held outside the home, it is perfectly acceptable to not serve any hard liquor. The vast majority of people seem to enjoy wine or beer. I would have no problem with making beer available at a wedding or rehearsal dinner so long as it was served in a glass.
We serve both red and white wine for grownups, and sparkling cider for kids and any grownup who would rather have it. There’s also water & cider for everyone, and coffee/tea/espresso/cappuccino with dessert. We tend to set a rather formal Thanksgiving table – it’s the biggest holiday of the year in my family!
I’d argue that hard alcohol and mixed drinks are actually bigger than ever (and I rarely drink). Right now, its all about the craft cocktails and the craft distilled alcohols. Lots of creative stuff going on and there’s been a huge resurgence. I know a lot of young people in their 20s who don’t really care for beer/wine but like their cocktails. The young group is even drinking the more “serious” stuff like ryes, bourbons, whiskeys in addition to vodka, gin, and rum.
Yes, to wine at Thanksgiving with my family. Start w/prosecco and move on to wine.
Agree with doschicos. Craft cocktails are a big thing- but not what you would have to serve at something like a rehearsal dinner. Beer/wine is fine at most gatherings.
I can’t imagine Thanksgiving without cocktails, beer and wine- whatever one would want. This is true at every house at which I have ever attended a Thanksgiving meal- family, friends, whatever. Of course, my church affiliation thrives on alcohol, too, and celebrations after special church services/events include at least wine- IN the church facilities.
My daughter and son in law are really into wines, craft beers and craft cocktails. Neither has a drinking problem or drinks excessively, but it is something they enjoy. I’ve learned a lot from them and have enjoyed going to tastings and events that showcase special beers and wines.
I’ve been to one or two weddings that were just cake and punch and found them to be painful, boring events.
I guess it gets down to a) how much your social circle expects it in the first place and b) how much you care about pleasing them (and it’s ok not to please them all).