This sounds more like a list of how not to be chosen as one of the women on The Bachelor.
My list? Let’s see what comes to mind…
kind, understanding, supportive, even tempered, honest
same religion (not a deal breaker, but when you’re raised Jewish, it makes life easier)
generally physically fit, mentally stable
college educated, fiscally knowledgeable, happy with career
has lived independently
network of family/friends
I’m sure there are more but really someone who can be a trustworthy loving companion over the years. (Gosh, maybe son should get a dog…) Looks, cooking skills, wanting kids - none of these are on the list.
For my sons, my hopes if they ever have spouses, that they would be kind, loving, smart and funny. That’s pretty much it. The spouses can be male or female, any income or background, any religion (though hopefully not in a cult). It would be nice if they’re halfway fit and healthy, just because couples tend to drift in the same direction health wise, I think. I don’t ask for too much.
D22’s boyfriend doesn’t have any of the traits that I’d pick in a partner for her. He barely says two words when he’s around us (not because he doesn’t like us, but because he is shy), BUT, I’ve seen my daughter around other guys and I’ve seen her around him, and I really like who she is when she is with him. She is herself and not trying to be anything else. She’s happy and bubbly and relaxed and like she used to be when she was having fun with our family before she even got into dating. She stands her ground with him when they disagree and she makes lots of jokes. So, I realized, I’d rather have my daughter be who she is than find a “perfect on paper” partner for her.
Must know the difference between there, their, and they’re
Must know that it is wouldn’t HAVE, couldn’t HAVE, shouldn’t HAVE
(and yes, I know if they are using the wrong form when speaking; I can just tell)
bonus points if they can drive a stick, will cut my grass, change the oil in my car, can read cursive writing, and have an NFL contract so that they can buy me a beach house
My daughters have much lower standards. The guys they have chosen do not meet these requirements. Not an NFL contract in sight.
DS is too old for OP’s daughter, but he meets the criteria, well except for height.
One of DS’ main criteria is that his partner understands that in a progressive income tax system, being in the 40% tax bracket doesn’t mean that you pay 40% of your income in tax. It seems to be a particularly high bar.
Ooh, the picky eater thing might be a problem for me. Fortunately, both of my SILs inhale anything I make, even though my Ds are really really good cooks. Now that I think of it, though, both of my Ds switch off cooking with their husbands. They alternate nights. But anyway, neither are picky eaters, at least at my house.
Not sure if mentioned above as I have just skimmed through this thread, but important to be in agreement regarding children; some folks–male & female–just do not want to become parents. I have seen marriages fail because one spouse believed that he or she could convince the other spouse to change his/her mind on this matter.
I think it was someone on here who once wrote that, “all guys are taller when standing on their wallets.”
From the OP’s list, my ds is knocked out by numbers 1(height) and 9 (no entrepreneurs). But, maybe if #9 increases his wallet size making him taller an exception could be made.
My sons are definitely knocked out by #4, unless it includes concerts.
My older son also likely gets knocked out by #5 because he works out every day. I guess the same would hold true for the younger one because he’s a college athlete.
I think only startup founders should be considered entrepreneurs. DD went on a few dates with startup founders. They all very invested in their startups, as they should, and actually not a good dating material. One was a beginning stage startup founder. He never had any money to go out and all dates were long walks. Another one was founder of a very successful startup with a lot of investors so money were not the issue but the time was.
Can concur about startups. I’ve posted my experience with one, but I was married at the time. It was the greatest business ride of my career. I got to wear every hat imaginable but probably went through six of my nine lives. I never slept, the company was my entire life. That kind of immersion is exhilarating when you’re young, and the payoffs can be tremendous in experience, contacts, and (sometimes) pay. You have to be OK with putting your personal and social life on hold indefinitely. And those closest to you (even a spouse) need to understand and be OK with the fact that they will be subordinate to this effort. You need a strong stomach for that ride. A startup is not just a peculiar type of job; it’s an all-consuming lifestyle.
I would have to agree that startups and enduring relationships are not a good mix; it’s almost certain the relationship will get the short end of that stick.
Our S is not a founder but a very early member of an extremely valuable startup. He spends a great deal of time working 7 days a week, in and out of office. And, he still makes time for his GF. Interestingly, she is just about as busy as he is with her PhD program. A great match.
This criteria of entrepreneurship by OP seems to refer to founders only since all employees get paid and only founders take the risk of investing all they have and sometimes what they don’t have in the startup.
