<p>^^There certainly are reasons to stay fit other than looks. </p>
<p>But what I’ve noticed is that when men say that “people have an obligation to stay fit for their spouses,” they’re generally talking about their wives (not themselves), and more often than not they’re talking about weight and looks, not fitness levels.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4: I meant that the justification for staying fit for one’s spouse seems to be all about looks. Not that all the posts about staying fit for oneself were about looks. As usual, I lack clarity. Sorry.</p>
<p>Most of that list was great, but I’d much rather see a 45-50 year old woman in “mom” jeans rather than trying to dress like her 20 year old daughter. It’s not attractive, and IMO, neither is the massive amounts of cleavage women now feel compelled to show the rest of society. My H would have loved the “men-contain the ear/hair growth”. It drives him bonkers when other men won’t/don’t attend to that.</p>
<p>IMHO, it is first and formost ones reponsibilty to maintain health for oneself. I personally like to look my best. However, after 26 years of marriage, raising a family, working fulltime, taking care of aging parents, it isn’t always easy to put yourself first. With that said, Staying fit is not as important as, maintaining health. Husband and I respect each other and want to grow old gracefully. We like cooking, eating good food, drinking good wine, having margaritas, sharing meals with friends and family. We are more free to do things we like to do. We don’t stress about our appearance, even though we look younger than our ages. We find other things more important.</p>
<p>My main motivation for *
myself* to stay healthy is appearance to be honest. I like being able to find clothes that fit and are relatively stylish withou having to spend three days doing so.I like not cringing when I look in the mirror and I like the look people my daughters age give me when I tell them how old I am.
Sure I care about my health and I feel better when I am strong and fit but if it didn’t have any impact on what I looked like it would be harder to get myself into that spandex. ;)</p>
<p>I thought the other day, “Will I be able to carry my most precious thing out of a burning house?” The answer was - not unless he loses a little bit of weight and not unless I get more muscle. So we both got going 
It was not easy at first, but now we both feel weird if we don’t do any physically demanding activity.</p>
<p>New Year’s night hubby and I watched our old home videos after we celebrated Hawaiian New Year, and I almost cried - H looks even more attractive than he did more than 20 years ago. Sure, he’s got some silver in his hair and wrinkles on his face, but like a good wine, he only became better with age. :)</p>
<p>dmd77, I agree with you that the primary justification here for staying fit seems to be all about looks. Kind of disappointing to me actually. After over 25 years of marriage, DH and I both carry more weight than we used to and more than we’d like. We both exercise regularly and help each other with eating healthy. It’s something we work on together. But to think that anyone would judge their spouse for gaining weight after a lifetime of shared experiences and children saddens me. I would never expect DH to look the same as he did when we met…and I don’t love him any less for it; when I look at him, I see the years we’ve spent together.</p>
<p>I also agree with the poster who said I’d much rather see moms in mom jeans than trying to dress like teenagers. Sure I like to look nice but I guess I’ve always been more of the school that it’s more what’s on the inside of a person that counts the most. </p>
<p>And quite honestly, I don’t have any respect for someone who leaves a long term marriage to marry a young thing based on looks.</p>
<p>DW says that I will die if I don’t exercise.
DW says that if I don’t exercise, she make my life so miserable that I will wish that I die.
What DW doesn’t know is that I’m killing myself by the exercise.</p>
<p>:p</p>
<p>I’d rather see a woman dressed fashionable and age-appropriately than a woman in infamous “mom-jeans” or a woman trying to look like a teenager Seriously, it does not take much effort and money to look sharp, classy, stylish, and age-appropriate at any age! Have you seen the stuff on sale at Macy’s? Same goes for you guys: your pants do not have to be saggy or pulled up to your armpits - belts have been invented centuries ago!!</p>
<p>I really don’t care how others dress to be honest. If you want to wear “Mom” jeans, then by all means. I personally wouldn’t be caught dead in them, but I’m in a field where the way I dress matters (a lot), and I also live in a very fashion conscious city. Ultimately, though, it’s more about the internal state of mind. I have a close friend who for years was in an abusive marriage. She really started to let it all go–didn’t shower regularly, put on weight, wore dumpy unclean clothes, never wore makeup or even washed her face. She really looked the way she felt and the way her H made her feel. She finally left him, gradually got her act together, lost weight, got her hair cut, etc etc. She looks so much happier now and consequently she looks much better. But it’s more than the external stuff (although of course it helps). It’s that now she has a vitality that is very attractive. THAT’S what makes a person beautiful. (And she had to leave her spouse to get there.)</p>
<p>Bunsenburner:
</p>
<p>Belts also do not need to be torture devices. If you are a gentleman who has gained more than twenty pounds since graduating college, yet still stubbornly wears the same pants size… You need to reevaluate that decision, and set your intestines free. If it looks like it hurts to other people, it just isn’t right.</p>
<p>The fact is that it’s none of my business how anyone dresses and I expect the same in return. I feel about this as I do about breastfeeding in public. If it offends you, then stop staring and avert your eyes. It’s not rocket science. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Let’s see, in 20 years we’ve been together through a siblings death, infertility, raised one beloved child, 8 moves, three peacetime deployments, two Iraq deployments, buried too many friends, minor and major health scares/issues, etc. We also still make each other laugh, flirt privately and hold hands as we fall asleep.</p>
<p>I’m happy he came home alive from Iraq twice. He’s had 20 years of keeping his body to the standards of the USMC. I look forward to him being able to stop worrying about his weight and apperance all the time. We plan to eat well, keep our bodies moving and see what happens. I cannot wait.</p>
<p>pugmadkate, I love your post. Growing old gracefully is priceless. Wouldn’t trade a wrinkle or gray hair for anything. We have earned it and proud of it.</p>
<p>Good for you, pmk!</p>
<p>I love the part about holding hands as you fall asleep. Me and DH too! That’s love.</p>
<p>Love is also bleaching your teeth.</p>
<p>(jk)</p>
<p>This issue has been on my mind lately. H has put on quite a bit of weight since we got married. (I had 8 kids and actually weigh less now. . .) He started exercising and lost 20lbs about 2 years ago–then he gained it all back and more. </p>
<p>H: “What do you want for our anniversary, honey?”
Me: "I only want YOU, dear . .to lose 25 pounds!</p>
<p>Loved your post, pmk. And I do not get why anyone cares if anyone dresses “stylishly” or not. Really. I dress for comfort and frugality, as does H. We’d be in jeans, t-shirts, and sweaters/sweatshirts every day if we could. I do not wear make-up and do not dye my hair. We’re both a bit gray, though he’s passed me on that, with a gray beard to boot.</p>
<p>So? We’re both conscious of living healthfully and are pretty darn fit.</p>
<p>As pugmad says, the fashionistas can look elsewhere.</p>
<p>garland, one can wear sweaters and jeans from Goodwill, Walmart or Macy’s last call clearance sales and not look like a total slob. One can buy the latest fashion from N-M and look totally laughable. “Stylish” in my books means going into the world wearing clean, intact, up to date clothes that fit your body and cover the parts that are not supposed to be seen, not chasing the latest trends from Glamour magazine or the like. I do not love my H any less because he loves to wear his sweats and slippers around the house, but I would not be happy if he went to his office wearing baggy cargo shorts on top of sweat pants and I would take some action :). Let’s leave that to teenagers who do this to demonstrate to the world that they do not give a rat’s behind about the others.</p>
<p>And if both spouses keep obesity at bay, they can even fall asleep in each other’s arms. :)</p>
<p>I’m not sure what you mean by “up to date”. As long as they are in good shape, I’ll wear clothes forever. I really don’t know what current styles are, actually. I’ve got sweaters that are ten years or more old. My clothes are always clean, though!</p>