There was a period of time when it was rough for my parents. I remember them constantly fighting about us kids and money. My father was forced to an early retirement and then he got cancer. It was that time that I saw my parents kind of fell back in love again. I think raising 4 kids took a lot out of them and there wasn’t much money for them to enjoy life. After we were out of the house, they did a lot of traveling, something my father loved to do and my mom was a willing partner. They also learned ballroom dancing and Majhong together. Their social lives were very full because of those 2 hobbies.
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I can relate! My husband, who is 57 and retiring at the end of this year, is ready to start his retirement life as an 80 year old 
I, on the other hand, am NOT. I refuse to consider a retirement community until I am in my mid-70’s and even then, I will go kicking and screaming! The thought of spending years 58-75 doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching YouTube makes me break out in hives! We are currently in negotiations on how these years are going to go.
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This sounds like DH and me. I retired in 2011, but also eased into it by doing some long term leave jobs…11 in total over the years. I still do some limited private work. I volunteer at a charity thrift shop (have jet some great people there), am on the town economic development commission, and am a poll worker for votes taken on my town. In the summers, I work four hours a week at my beach club, but I would be there anyway having dinner. Right now, I’m secretary of our street HOA, but I’m hoping someone else steps up for that job! The only connections to my former job…a monthly luncheon which I attend about 1/2 the time, and a service sorority for teachers. If singing the National Anthem at two retiree conferences a year counts…I guess add that in too.
I’m the busy one in our family!
DH retired also easing into it. He left his full time job at age 68 but continued to work as a consultant to the company until he was almost 70. He loves being retired. He can read whenever he feels like it. If it’s a nice day, he can go on a long bike ride. He has enjoyed taking care of our yard and plantings…and looking for new things to plant. DH also enjoys cooking and finds a new recipe each week…and makes it.
Our rule is…dinner together every night.
I’ve always been the one with the circle of friends…so that’s not new. DH liked his coworkers, but they were coworkers, not friends. I have actual friends who I worked with in my job.
We do have slightly different interests at times. Right now, we are visiting our son. DH and son both love hiking, and that’s something I haven’t liked since I was a LOT younger. So…I stayed back and read book. And that’s OK.
My DH traveled on business in his last two jobs. He is less than enthusiastic about travel, but will do so if I ask.
Sometimes I will do something that I’m not thrilled about but that’s OK…because I’m sure there are plenty of things DH does with me that he is less than thrilled about. The key is…we don’t complain about it. It’s not that often.
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Good point about sometimes doing things you’re not thrilled about. Maybe when I have more free time I will feel not so guarded and protective of my free time!
One thing I notice and sometimes comment on…I have had occasion to be with people - H or others - who seem to forget what life and time was like when someone is still working. People saying “you should shop there during the week, it’s much less busy and better selection” - um, I can’t do that because I’m at work those 5 weekdays! Or this past weekend I finally got H to move on purchasing and installing some desperately needed shelving in our garage - a project I’ve been wanting to do for some time and it would also make his garage life easier. He got frustrated with me on Sunday because I was pushing a bit for us to get some parts of it done. I find myself often saying, “I only have 2 days to get big projects done - I don’t have the luxury of putting off until tomorrow or Tuesday” But to be honest, it’s also probably true that while I"m a “check it off the list” person and I’d want to get it done and checked, H can start and stop multiple things…which drives me crazy!!
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Now that I am retired I make a point of scheduling things like hair appointments, pedi’s etc. on weekdays because I can and many people in the workforce can’t. I also do major shopping then.
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One of the best things concerning retirement! I don’t miss having to grocery shop on the weekends…at all.
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My Dad retired from construction at 55 because of a disability. Mom was still working. She worked 13 more years and retired at 66. Dad really wanted her to retire. Dad passed 3.5 years later in 2018. Sadly Mom has just aged in place since then. Not doing much and being able to do less and less each year. Basically her inactivity has caught up with her.
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Just a comment about retirement communities. We live in one. There is SO much variety–they aren’t all depressing places with condo/apartment-like housing with a community pool and horseshoes populated by white-haired people sitting on porches. I don’t see many CCers being attracted to places like that.
We aging Boomers have prodded developers to design communities that cater to our palates, activity levels, privacy and entertaining needs, and health stages. My dad and his wife live in a stunning 55+ community of 5,000 beautiful homes ranging from 1500 sq ft with small yards to 4000 st ft palaces on the golf course. His community features a baseball diamond (those older guys can hit!), full wood shop, glass-blowing studio and ceramics shop, sewing/quilting center, really every craft, hobby, and club space you can imagine, multiple pools, spa, fitness center, barber shop, salon, many restaurants, a Safeway, several banks, and the list goes on (and on). What makes it a “retirement” community is that owners have the option to eventually “trade” their homes to ease down in to other areas of the community where housing can be smaller, independent dwellings with various in-home assistance options to those condo-like setups with full-time care and into memory care. Also, this sprawling community is across the street from one of the largest hospitals specializing in the full-range of geriatric medicine.
In our case, though we love dad’s community, we don’t care for the age restriction. So, we chose a Club Med-like resort of 2,500 homes in a different part of the valley, also on a golf course with even more amenities and activities (that does have a small age-restricted enclave for those who prefer properties sited away from the bustle), but the vibe here is still very much “active-young,” and we have many young families. In addition to independent homes of varying square footage, the community also has an area of “resort” homes, two-unit dwellings that share a wall, have no yard maintenance, but still have private patio/outdoor spaces. All are lock-n-leave for the many who travel frequently or are gone part of the year. Our community is also across the street from a large hospital (a criteria important to us).
States like AZ and FL, both bastions of retirement, probably offer some of the best of these lifestyle options, but I offer up this description of the newer trend to help dispel the pejorative image of retirement communities.
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There are three of these “continuing care” retirement communities where I live, each with a unique vibe, much as described in the article. They are definitely not as large as the ones @ChoatieMom describes. There is a waitlist that is years long at all of them and the buy in is substantial. I’d love an option like that if I could afford it!
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My husband isn’t going to be able to fully retire for many years. It’s not a financial decision but one of running a family business that he has responsibility for. In the meantime we are trying to navigate him working less. We are trying to calendar time out of town where he can get away from work. He loves camping trips in our travel trailer. We don’t have to go far for 4 night stays. I prefer to go to Europe so I’m trying to get him to agree to a long trip every 18 months or so.
We had a glimpse of him being home more as a health issue kept him from playing his sports he enjoys. He came home for lunch and stayed several hours. I wasn’t used to having him home. It was an adjustment. He has been able to resume his sports which helps. He also just bought a 30 ft boat and he is already enjoying tinkering and working on it. He will never be a sit around and watch TV or read kind of person. He plays beach volleyball several days a week and tennis. He isn’t a sit still person.
We have a great example in his parents. They still live independently at late 80’s and early 90’s. My father in law plays tennis 3 days a week. They travel, go to concerts, have friends of varying ages.
I also belong to a gym and I see many older people working out daily. They go to classes, the weight room and swim. It seems they have a social circle at the gym.
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I poked fun at retirement communities, but I know you are right. I have several friends my age who have retired early to the communities like you describe, and they look like they are having a blast - doing flashmobs in local malls, lighted golf cart parades, group cruises…
In my defense, I’m just not there yet either. They enjoy it, yet I can’t picture myself dressing up in 80’s neon and group dancing in a mall. Maybe I’ll get there someday…
Also unappealing to me are the retirement communities where every house looks exactly alike. My in laws live in a huge one in FL and every time we visit, my H likes to play a game where he insists that he can find their house by memory and he’s wrong every single time - they all look exactly the same.
I had two grandfathers who never retired. Literally died with their boots on- one in mid-70’s, the other mid-90’s, both in jobs they loved and were more of a passion/identity than just a livelihood.
So I don’t think you need to apologize if the “organized fun” aspect of retirement doesn’t sound appealing (either now or ever). Some people just never get there.
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Maybe I’ll just need to have one (or 10) margaritas first
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Please kill me if that stuff is what I have to look forward to. I would have have to be so drunk to do that stuff. Not saying I wouldn’t, because you give me some liquid courage I am up for almost anything.
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I love living in a neighborhood. Not as many little kids as I’d like, but two sweet little ones love to come over to “say Hi to Miss Jane”, look at my flowers. Also three older boys next door - it’s a joy to hear their laughter in the backyard. However I can say that traveling with friends on a Viking River Cruise with lots of folks our age (and older) was more fun than anticipated. Made me realize that down the road we might be ready to consider a retirement community.
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Same here. No flash mobs, cosplay, parades, or organized outings in our community. I know the types of communities you’re referring to. Those are not what I’m describing.
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My husband’s elderly aunt/uncle had no children of their own, and had albums and albums of school pictures of all the kids on their block, neatly autographed by the children. (This is less creepy than it sounds) They were the unofficial grandparents of so many children.
When they passed away, it was discovered that they had left their considerable estate to the four local faith communities that represented these kids, along with the explanation of how they appreciated becoming family to the kids. You just never know what life brings in the later chapters.
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I would never do tacky or silly or stupid. (That’s why I quit my college sorority.) But having friends is essential in old age. If I lived in a place like that, I might do some of the less stupid things.
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One person’s tacky is another person’s fun. Sheesh
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This is us! DH…the energizer bunny! Keeps working because it scares him not to have income, likes to see his investments grow! He’s athletic…marathons, surfs, skis, loves golf. Me…I’ll walk. I just don’t like to expend energy that way and have to force myself to work out. He loves to landscape and organize and fix. Like your husband he can’t sit still.
We’ve discussed this and I told him he will need to not stop working complete, he’ll go crazy. He’s heard this from colleagues, but saw how I struggled.
Thankfully, what we do have in common is our love of traveling, fun conversations, the “x” factor is being attracted to one another, we typically like those same movies, we like to entertain.
I do wish I like activities that he does. He kept mentioning he wishes there was something we would like to do together like golfing, I finally told him he was making me feel bad so he stopped. I do feel bad I’m like that. But I am his biggest cheerleader.
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