<p>Thank you all for taking the time to share your own experiences with mis-matched roommates. I am staying out of it – which is why I am so thankful for your support and recommendations because I felt it would only make it more difficult if I chimed in.</p>
<p>The roommate’s Facebook page certainly suggests that this party life is not new to college. She clearly had a very vibrant social life in high school. Which, of course, is perfectly fine – it is just strange that a school asks the kids to spend the time to fill-out this questionnaire which gives the student the expectation that such a mis-match is unlikely.</p>
<p>One consequent so far has been that the roommate – lacking sleep and spending so much time in corwded party rooms, returned back to the room sick and proceeded to give her illness to my D. Yes, I know this is all part of the experience but it makes me feel better to write that some of you understand how frustrating it is for me to see her having to deal with something that could have been prevented.</p>
<p>Anyway, she has two other sisters and is used to the drama that is living with girls so I’m sure that she’ll deal. Perhaps if she wasn’t my oldest and I was not going through the separation for th first time, I would be less emotional about it.</p>
<p>Have your D get a flu shot after her illness is over. Whether or not students party or have partying roommates, they’re vulnerable to illness in college particularly during the stressful midterm and finals periods, the worst time to become ill.</p>
<p>I can relate! My freshman roommate belonged to one of the “best” sororities on campus and had quite an active social life. I was a shy engineering student. It turned out OK, though, because she got a boyfriend and was almost never in our room, except to pick up clothes now and then! It was like having a private room.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that your dd’s roommate is rude and clueless. </p>
<p>But, I think you can almost assume that students sharing small dorm rooms will catch illnesses from one another. You won’t help your daughter by suggesting that her roommate isn’t a sweet girl, that you don’t like her parents, that the college is responsible, etc.</p>
<p>The facts are that her roommate is being inconsiderate, and may have no idea how her actions are affecting your daughter. Your daughter needs to say, “Hey I need to sleep. Take the computer in the hallway to Skype, okay?” When roomie is going out to party, “Can you try to be quiet when you come back in the room?” It doesn’t have to be confrontational at all. </p>
<p>If that doesn’t work, she could talk to the housing office knowing that at least she made the effort to communicate and solve the problems.</p>
<p>To the OP: I sympathize with you because we’re all feline mamas when our babies are unhappy. </p>
<p>But you seem to be nursing a bit of resentment. This is natural I’m sure, but not a good idea, and will hurt you most in the end.</p>
<p>Shrug your shoulders and say, “Oh well.” Teach your D to do the same if she doesn’t want to confront, discuss and negotiate. If she does all the better. And if it works out, wow, cool. And if the girl is intractable, again, shrug. </p>
<p>Solutions: White noise, ear plugs, setting the room up with a rudimentary room divider. I know not everything works in all situations.</p>
<p>I have terrible insomnia. Always have. I spent frosh year in the lounge with the one TV the school had in our dorm. Met the cutest boy. Dated him. Got my heart broken by him. Haha. Oh well.</p>
<p>D got both her roommates addicted to the white noise she liked, but in NYC with sirens and taxis and street noise along Broadway all night long, roommate noise was the least of it.</p>
<p>S had a single from frosh year. Some think that he was limited in social connection (my D among them), but he enjoyed it.</p>
<p>DD had this mismatch. Her roommate slept unitl late in the day and studied at night with the sound and light on her desk. She would fall asleep with the light on and set her alarm for 3 AM to get up and study more. DD needed her 8 hrs and had to be up for early classes. She tried to work with roomie , but roomie was immature and just didn’t change anything. She and the suite mates were not even considerate the night before juries when she asked everyone to just once, turn the TV off earlier and be a ltitle bit quieter. </p>
<p>So I asked her what she wanted to do about it. She ended up with eye shades for sleeping and ear plugs for sound that still let her hear her own alarm. She also quit trying to be considerate in the morning. If she had to turn the light on to get dressed she did. The only resolution was when they were no longer roommates the following year. </p>
<p>It was an annoyance she adjusted to , not life threatening. Not anything I would interfere with. Just lent a sympathetic ear, helped her talk through her options at various times, and supported her decision to change her living environment the following year. .</p>
<p>This is exactly why ds’s school doesn’t bother with the questionnaire. There are just too many ways that can go wrong–most obviously if a partier is filling it out with parents near they’re probably not going to be honest.</p>
<p>My ds is also a non-drinker. His freshman roomate did not drink, but was so relentlessly weird and difficult to talk to that I think my son might’ve preferred a drunk if given the choice. :)</p>
<p>I want to add that your daughter’s roommate may be feeling the exact same thing about your daughter. For all we know, this roommate was very blunt but got matched anyway. Perhaps she is thinking, “Why did I get stuck with this person when I filled out that I am a night person?” </p>
<p>My freshman year I had been absolutely honest about being a slob. My roommate was a neat freak and had put that on her application. I think making a common enemy out of the annoymous person who matched roommates made us better able to compromise. We never became friends but we were good roomates.</p>
<p>As for the illness, a perfectly matched roommate is just as likely to pass on an illness in such close quarters.</p>
<p>Good point, pugmadkate! Whose to say who feels misled in this situation. But they’re in it now and it doesn’t seem so outrageous that they will find common ground.</p>
<p>Until recently, I used to surf around on my computer while watching tv in bed. One night husband rolled over to say he felt like he was sleeping next to a chicken with all the pecking (and how fast I can do it) of a keyboard. So… let’s just say that even with good intentions, the best of us can be annoying to those we hope to live with in harmony.</p>
<p>I love this too and think it gets to the heart of things. I always wonder when I read these posts or hear my own kids complaining, just what is the roommate is saying about them?</p>
<p>Regarding “whose parents clearly suggested that she fill out the questionnaire”, I met a fellow who said that when he filled out his questionnaire (back in the day) he asked that his roommate be a non-smoker. Within days of rooming together he determined that his roommate was really a <em>chain</em> smoker. When he confronted him about his smoking (he apparently knew that the roommate had said that he also was a non-smoker), the roommate explained that his mother was watching him fill out the questionnaire and he didn’t want her to know that he was a smoker. Perhaps the OP’s D’s roommate had the same problem and didn’t want parents to know that she was a “party animal”. That could be a fun subject for Parents’ Weekend!</p>
<p>clues to too much parental involvement in the OP:
judgement on “fancy furniture” the roommates parents bought for the room
knowing the content of the roommates facebook pages
judgement on thinking the roommate brought back an illness from “crowded party rooms”…maybe the illness came from the shared bathrooms?from the dining hall?from a crowded lecture room?
there’s way too much judgement,let alone involvement from this parent IMHO</p>
<p>both my kids had mismatched freshman roommates but learned to get along.D was a slob who shared a room with a neatnick…when you walked in the room you could see the clearly divided space,one side neat the other piled with stuff.However, D was a fairly sophisticated social kid with good life skills who was able to help her sheltered Asian background roomie break out of her shy home centered ways.</p>
<p>Kids do change when they get to college. D was worried when she headed off that she’d been paired with a partier. Well, she is paired with one who does go out Thursday through Saturday and then spends Sunday in a panic of homework so she can watch “Desperate Housewives”. However, D also goes out far more than she thought she would (although not to the extent roomie does). Hey, it’s college; kids change; one kid’s definition of social might mean 5 kids playing scrabble and another’s might mean pre-gaming before the frat party. D’s about a month into school now and I think they’re all at the point where they are able to say, “hey, I have a big test tomorrow, could you be quiet at 3:00 am when you come in?” or “could you not leave food/water/hairbrush on my desk?” </p>
<p>D had some minor roommate issues during first two years. Problem solved this year - she has a single and is most happy! It does cost a little more, but she paid for half of the difference with her summer earnings and to me, paying the other half was so worth not hearing about the roommate problems - LOL!</p>