<p>Completely odd response for middle of afternoon visit. I’m sure these girls don’t seek everyone’s permission for their friends that pop in for a visit. </p>
<p>I’m in the camp that I would take them up on the skype offer to hear their story and then proceed to let them know how immature and unreasonable they are. (Background in debate can’t pass up the chance to verbally skewer someone!). That said, ithis could backfire for your daughter. D1s roommates last year made her life a living nightmare. She move out before finals and commuted the 45 minutes from home so she didn’t need to deal with their pettiness. (& 2 were graduating seniors).</p>
<p>OP, I am sorry this happened to you. I do agree with posters that the roommates response is quite strange. Being hospitable is definitely not one of their traits. That said, I would have not stayed in your Ds room for two hours unless it was a single space or it was move-in/move-out day. I would have gone to the university shop, library and cafe while I was waiting for my ride. </p>
<p>If you dont mind, would you say you have a good relationship with your child? The reason I am asking is that from a strangers point of view, it is quite possible that the D finds you controlling and thus used her roommates as an excuse to discourage further visits from you.</p>
<p>Interesting. My question was also about the D’s response. Is she telling you not to come back or is she annoyed with the roommates for rejecting you?</p>
<p>I have a great relationship with my daughter. (I really do believe she would say the same) She said she felt bad that she had to tell me this and was appalled when her roommates told her to skype me. She said mom-it’s 3 against me-I don’t have a choice unless I want to be miserable living with them.</p>
<p>I agree that these roommates are bullies, but I’m guessing the real reason they didn’t want their other roommate’s mother around is because they’re involved in some sketchy activities or something they might not want to do around an authority figure.</p>
<p>Heck, I’ve waited in dorm rooms while my kids weren’t even there; the roommate let me in when I made better time driving than I expected. I slept in one room when I got snowed in at the campus and DD slept at a friend’s. I’ve spent hours in the sorority house living room waiting for kids to finish with whatever. </p>
<p>I think they are being riduculous if you were just sitting there minding your own business, with your DD there to boot!</p>
<p>Massmomm, that was my thought as well. The reaction of the roommates is simply too bizarre for there not to be more to the story. That, or they are trying to get OP’s D to move out by bullying her. I think OP’s D should push back and inform her roommates that her mom is welcome any time as far as she is concerned. D should tell them she would be happy to let them know when her mom is coming when she knows the particulars of the visit.</p>
<p>Jerks! How rude and belligerent to actually suggest Skyping OP to voice their displeasure.</p>
<p>Last year, when visiting my son at college, he had tons of work to do so I sat on his bed and read my book while he worked at his computer. That would never have happened if he didn’t have a single.</p>
<p>BTW, I see your daughter is feeling it’s like “3 against 1”. Could it be that the roommates felt you were there to ‘watch over’ your daughter as you sat there? Can you explain what you did the whole time while there other than read. Did you interact with the rrommates at all?</p>
<p>It was simple idle chit chat. How are your classes, we talked about People Magazine since that was what I was looking at, cooking, the flu going around (I’m racking my brain here). Nothing spectacular comes to mind. I certainly was not there to watch over anyone-I was simply waiting for my ride to the hotel. I already had lunch and went to the book store and the coffee shop before I showed up. Regretably, I did not waste enough of time and decided to visit my daughter.</p>
<p>Sounds like an uptight or exceedingly self-conscious bunch. Granted, I’m coming at it from the point of view of someone whose mother stayed over a couple of days with my roommate’s permission. </p>
<p>He didn’t care as his parents happened to be over and they wanted him to stay at their hotel for a bit. </p>
<p>None of the classmates bothered to hide anything illicit .especially smoking weed. Had some fun explaining to mom what that weird smell was and how it was the vice of choice among many classmates.</p>
<p>No, you should not feel bad about this. Heck, I slept on the floor in my D’s room one night. ( I would not do that again but no roommates gave a flip.) Those girls are just plain wrong but to keep the peace for your kid I would not be going back anytime soon. But, they are wrong and she needs new roommates.</p>
<p>FF, I agree with Massmomm. Perhaps they were thinking to do something illegal. Nevertheless, I still think it’s appropriate you acknowledge you in there in their space. You certainly don’t want to make roommate issues worse.</p>
<p>This is such a weird situation, yeah sure a heads up is probably nice but for a 2 hour daytime session seems not required. What if it was a friend coming over to watch TV, must bat be cleared?</p>
<p>Maybe it’s because my roommate and mom get along so well haha - mom came to visit and I was in class so her and Roomie got lunch without me</p>
<p>Not one time in all the times I’ve visited my kids at school have I encountered anything but politeness and happiness that I was there. The girls would come out and chit chat. I’d invite them along. Some would come, some were busy, whatnot…</p>
<p>Just the fact that they want to skype with the mother themselves tells me they have some bizarre thing going on. I mean, by the time my oldest was a senior, I could count on a few coffees and lunches with the girls without my daughter to chat about their plans, etc…</p>
<p>Two of them stopped by our place and stayed with us in Chicago when they were coming through town. D was not in town.</p>
<p>Sounds like these girls have some real growing up to do. My daughter went to dinner with her roommates mother when roommate had an evening commitment. After a certain age, you want connections of all ages, and friends of all ages, as well. You really never know who you are meeting or who you are being rude to. Imagine if one of the girls shows up in your office for a job interview one day.</p>
<p>Silly, badly raised young women, imho.</p>
<p>ETA: Around my community, both the one I lived in before and the one I moved to recently, kids and parents of all ages socialize with one another, at games, at the club, at restaurants, at parties, at church or temple. This kind of age demarcation is a sign, to me, of kids who are unaccustomed to being introduced to people of all ages at social events. It’s very, very bad form.</p>
<p>I could not disagree more! She didn’t cause any inconvenience, unless they were planning to have wild sex or play strip poker or smoke crack in their living room in the middle of the afternoon…all of which they could have done in their rooms.</p>
<p>Bad behavior should not be rewarded. I would simply ignore the incident, refuse to play, and not go back. Pretend it didn’t happen. I hope your D has new roommates next year. In the meantime, she can exercise her ability to resist the Queen Bees and Mean Girls.</p>
<p>BTW, I believe the OP said that her D shares the room with someone else. So staying in the common area quietly reading was the most thoughtful thing to do.</p>
<p>I agree with the majority here. They are being unreasonable IMHO, and most likely immature. The Skype request is just bizarre. </p>
<p>Yes, I would not go back so that she can keep the peace with them, but would 100% suggest that she room with someone else next year. Is she a freshman who was set up by the school with roommates she didn’t know? If so, hopefully she has different friends or acquaintances that she can room with next year. </p>
<p>Don’t feel bad; from what you wrote, I don’t see that you did anything wrong.</p>
<p>Is this an off campus apartment or a suite in a college dorm? How does your D feel about all of this? Are these girls friends of hers or just girls she was assigned as roommates?</p>
<p>Although I know other posters have advised to let sleeping dogs lie, i do think your D needs to inform the girls that she believes they are out of line. To say nothing just communicates weakness to bullies like these girls. They will continue to encroach on your D’s rights. It is only Thanksgiving, she has a long road ahead before she can be rid of them.</p>
<p>Do the roommates give her notice every time they have anyone over to the apartment for whatever reason (I am guessing not!).</p>
<p>She had a guest at the apartment, for only a couple of hours, and in the middle of the afternoon…not keeping anyone out of their bed at night, not taking up the bathroom/shower when someone else is trying to get ready for class or for bed…they are a bunch of bullying b+++++s. And they know it. And to demand to Skype with you? Were they going to try to bully you too?</p>
<p>I can’t imagine any of my sons’ roomies giving me anything other than the royal welcomes I always received from them…even if they didn’t know I was coming by from out of town.</p>
<p>I would show up at the apartment again to spend some quality time with my daughter…maybe give each other leisurely mani/pedis while enjoying some coffee and bagels or some such…</p>
<p>I would also have a serious talk with my daughter about what is really going on in her apartment. Should she be considering changing rooms at the end of the semester?</p>
<p>Amazing story. Rude and bizarre behavior. Are these young women especially entitled, used to giving orders to others? Something is wrong with their perception of appropriate interaction with others. Your daughter needs new roommates NOW, not just next year. If she is in a school dorm, she can ask for a transfer. You do not want her soaking up their attitude in any way, either as a recipient of their wrath or a learner of their ways. </p>
<p>As entertaining as a Skype encounter might be, I would not be willing to humor such a silly demand. These young women are out of touch with acceptable behavior. Until your daughter can escape, she can lay it all on you if it will make her life easier, telling them that you were unwilling to hear what they had to say. If that is too hard, she can make stuff up about why you are unavailable, illness, travel, work, etc. I do strongly encourage you to get her out of there ASAP. This is a sick environment.</p>