<p>I think perhaps her D was as bewildered as OP at the reaction of the roommates. She probably needed to discuss it. If I were OP I would want to know. </p>
<p>And Cobrat, you sound like you are a very good friend.</p>
<p>
More hyperbole. First of all, no reason to talk about/bring up minors in this discussion because no one in this thread is talking about minors. Secondly, sharing a hurt feeling with an adult child is hardly “one of the most crappiest things a parent could do to their child(ren)”. Thats ridiculous. Perhaps these things happened in one person’s parent-child relationship, but it is not common. Many parents and adult children have healthy relationships where sharing of feelings is not going to cause a “permanent ripping apart of ones relationship.” Hyperbole adds no value to a discussion.</p>
<p>This is a bit off topic, but related to what jym posted. This past Fri I had a minor surgery, neither of my kids called to ask me how I was doing. I was hurt and I let them know how I felt. I told them that I always called if they were sick or had problems in their lives. To me it was a teaching moment to help them understand their parents can also be hurt and it can’t be “all about me.” Come to think of it, if those 3 girls parents did that, maybe those girls wouldn’t be so self centered and clueless.</p>
<p>The daughter shared this with her mom. And IMO, that should be the end of it. Very likely, this issue is over and done with the roommates until the mom brings it up every time she calls. I understand that her feelings are a bit hurt. I understand the girls didn’t handle this particularly well. But WHEN did this happen? It’s time to move on…as probably most of the players already have.</p>
<p>I think the roommates are absolutely out of line- period. Sounds like they are looking for anything to start a fight. I would not skype with them- blow that off all together. And you and your daughter just forget about the situation. It will blow over in a couple of days because there is always drama in college. Sorry this happened to you… I also suggest your daughter finds a new set of roomies next year. Sounds like they are mean girls.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You always seem to propose the most extreme reactions to offenses.</p>
<p>How about, “Janie, I’m astounded at your behavior! We’ve taught you better than that. Please apologize and try to do better in the future. Love you, but you need to remember why you’re at school and that having roommates involves consideration and compromise. I’ll see you at Thanksgiving!”</p>
<p>Funny that part of this is the threat of skyping- which won’t happen unless OP agrees. Seems the other 3 didn’t take it to the level of writing a letter- which would be one-way.</p>
<p>I think it’s hard to assess what really happened when you’re a layer away, weren’t there to hear it. My girls sometimes bring me complaints or issues- then a few months later, if it comes up, they reframe it. It’s not that they misrepresented or overreacted. More that time affected their perspective. Sometimes, they later add a piece of info or explain why it became no big deal. Now I listen and sometimes ask, do you need me to help you through this? Usually, they just want an outlet, and answer, no. Anyone’s mileage may vary.</p>
<p>Personally I just think it’s really bizarre behavior. I would have said so to my daughter. Honesty my daughter would have laughed at the idea that girls like this would want to Skype with me and get the “you never know who you are meeting or how they will help or hurt you in the future. Be polite to anyone unless they are a danger to you” lecture. </p>
<p>I have some standard lectures. I’m not above giving them to students. </p>
<p>Either way, it’s over now. Who knows what really happened? </p>
<p>If they insist on the Skype? All parents can be involved. Lololol</p>
<p>^^LOL</p>
<p>I am trying really hard to stop lecturing or advising my adult children (and their friends!!!) unless asked to do so. Skype looks like an invitation to me. :)</p>
<p>Right???</p>
<p>I cannot believe three college girls want to Skype with a roommates mom to tell her off for sitting on their couch for 2 hours. Something is wrong with this story.</p>
<p>I would be interested in hearing how the roommates would tell the story. It just doesn’t seem plausible that it would be … “Janie’s mother came for a visit and sat quietly on our couch for 2 hours and then left, so we got together and decided that must Never Happen Again.”</p>
<p>
Me too. There has to be something else.</p>
<p>Agree with above.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Oh, please. The drama. Oldfort’s example is a perfect one. She has every right to tell her young adult children she was upset that they hadn’t called to check on her. My mother has done the same to me on occasion. It doesn’t “rip our relationship apart” - it strengthens it when people are able to talk openly and honestly about their feelings. Cobrat, you can stop with the hyperbole already.</p>
<p>You are all probably right but my daughter has not shared anything else that would have caused the extreme reaction so it remains a mystery to me. She said she put it behind her and I will do the same.</p>
<p>I would be concerned that my daughter would ignore wackadoodle behavior by her roommates, but perhaps they have apologized?</p>
<p>Please learn some reasoning skills, cobrat. How one talks to one’s friends or family members has NOTHING to do with how one might talk in a professional situation. Hopefully you know/understand that and are just enjoying posting jerky, argumentative, inflammatory posts. If not, well, that’s really just sad.</p>
<p>And your perspective on the kinds of parent/child discussions that can occur is painfully myopic. Kids need feedback to understand how their behavior, whether physical or verbal, may affect others. This is how people learn.</p>
<p>Not to jump on the bandwagon, but…cobrat, your arguments are weak as can be. No parent, and probably only the most entitled kids would agree with you. One of the first ways we teach our children compassion is to let them know when they have hurt our feelings. We don’t just act like robots that can be abused and mistreated by our children and their friends, especially as they get older. Shoot, my kids understood kindness and compassion when they were about two-three years old, and that has carried on throughout their lives. Yes, at some point our children realize that their parents aren’t just slaves who do things for them, and they develop some consideration for us too. If not, we have surely failed as parents, bringing up a person who is completely selfish or a psychopath. People who still treat their little precious as one who can do or say anything to them, no matter how the parents feel…ugh. That would be nothing to encourage.</p>
<p>I don’t think cobrat understand how much we support our kids, teach them perspective, help them grow their own coping skills, etc, through * interaction.*</p>
<p>I found it absolutely invaluable, in numerous situations, to share with my girls. NOT shift the focus to me, NOT denigrate their feelings, but be open.</p>
<p>As “open” as you are with us, cobrat, about all you and your network have experienced and how you and they reacted…I am positive you will do this with your kids.</p>