<p>^^^Maybe, but in my case, there was no “in your face” whatsoever. Nor making a “fuss,” either. Didn’t see the woman in your example.</p>
<p>It’s rude to acknowledge others’ rudeness. Now we are getting all wrapped up into the word.</p>
<p>An example upthread said that posting pictures of the dinner you made isn’t rude; but I, however, find it rude (and a bit excluded) that you didn’t invite me over to cook with you. </p>
<p>On the topic of opening and closing doors, most of the times people hold open the door. Infrequently, I hear a “Thank you”. I say “Thank You” when someone opens the door for me and “You’re Welcome” if someone says “Thank You”. I don’t remark outloud a snippy “You’re Welcome.” I just make a mental note in my head that right then is the time of the day when I give out unrequited politeness. Then I go on with the rest of my day. </p>
<p>I’m not the one to remark outloud snippy things if someone does something impolite. Life is too short/My day is too good/Nobody has the time to make a fuss to the impolite person. My philosophy is just to go on with your day and keep doing you. </p>
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<p><a href=“Rude Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster”>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rude</a></p>
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<p><a href=“Rudeness - Wikipedia”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudeness</a></p>
<p>When I hear rude I think of the merrian-webster definition and the italicized part of the wikipedia entry. This thread makes clear to me we don’t all accept the same social norms. To say the least. And that’s okay. The rules do change.</p>
<p>Others seem to feel strongly there needs to be something necessarily confrontational at its core.</p>
<p>In the social norms and etiquette of my group and culture - all three scenarios in the OP are extremely rude. They are rude whether or not they are intentionally hurtful. They are rude even if VAsnowbird isn’t offended and just happy to see her friends were all having a good time. They are rude if VAsnowbird doesn’t even like these folks and would think up a polite excuse to avoid ever going out with them.</p>
<p>I would say I’m just a dinosaur, but recent conversations with one of my kids did reveal to me he, at least, lives in the same norm and culture. He immediately invited someone to his party when the party was mentioned by a third party in his (the previously uninvited guests) presence. My son didn’t even see that as open to debate. Just like please and thank you</p>
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<p>You’re right, and in 52 years, I never have, either. Some times, you just find yourself at the point where you let it fly. If it’s not about this, it will eventually be about that. </p>
<p>Back OT: there seems to be NO consensus on whether or not it’s rude to post pictures of an event where you are with some of your FB friends, but other not invited friends can view the photos. Perhaps the perception varies with whether or not one would have their feelings hurt. If yes, then it’s definitely “rude”. If not, one wonders what all the fuss is.</p>
<p>Situations will vary,I know. I wasn’t calling you rude Nrdsb4. And yes, my example women makes it to rude for me. But, then again lost in her own little world women probably didn’t give a flip so I guess the receiver of the rudeness makes a difference, as well.</p>
<p>More than likely most of the OP’s FaceBook friends do not consider fun photos of events they weren’t invited to rude since that’s pretty much what FaceBook is all about. However, after hearing more specifics I do think in this case it could be rude or something else is going on to make the OP question the friendship. </p>
<p>Niquii, you are wise to note that life is too short for x,y, z. Many young people don’t realize that. ;)</p>
<p>alh, the majority of your quote relies on social norms. If this is the social norm, is it truly “rude”. If so, I feel this is a dismissible rudeness. </p>
<p><a href=“RUDE Definition & Usage Examples | Dictionary.com”>http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rude</a>
Not confrontational, but at times purposeful. </p>
<p>We were somewhere recently (I fortunately forget where) where the employees were purposely ignoring some customers trying to get their attention. I think it was at the post office, but not sure. Regardless, they were rude.</p>
<p>^^^^LOL, jym, I’d believe it if it was at the post office. Or the DMV.</p>
<p>Purposeful makes it rude. That makes sense. Sometimes, people get offended by things that were not purposeful. Of course, it’s not always all easy to tell and motives clearly get misinterpreted a lot. I find myself frequently amazed by this. It’s unlikely the friends FaceBook photos were put up to purposely make anyone feel left out. If so, they are not friends. </p>
<p>Ok, here’s a recent example: In my metropolitan area, I live about an hour away from my friends L, N, and D, who all live within a few minutes of one another. We go back in friendship all the way to college - so, 30 years. My kids are a few years older than theirs, and N and D’s sons participate together in various activities so N and D see one another there. N recently celebrated her 50th birthday. I called her, texted her, sent her a card. I saw on FB that N went out with a few people for a birthday celebration, most of whom I didn’t know, and D was there. I suppose I might have liked to have been invited, but practically speaking it made sense for them not to invite me, I’m too far away for a weeknight gathering and anyway, I don’t know any of the other people at her celebration other than D - D knows them all because of the children’s shared activity. It would have been petty of me to have gotten upset that two of my friends were doing something without me. </p>
<p>PG: I don’t understand facebook or facebook etiquette. Obviously.</p>
<p>If facebook didn’t exist, would one of your friends have sent you a letter and photo describing a party with mutual friends to which you weren’t invited? If so, this seems not to be considered rude in your friends group. It would be considered rude in mine.</p>
<p>Is there a sense that behaviors that would be rude in real life aren’t rude on facebook. Oh wait! Ha! I think I might already know the answer.</p>
<p>RE: Post numbers…</p>
<p>those of us who open a new thread should start with a number and encourage other posters to continue.</p>
<p>There’s “rude.” But there is also thoughtless- or the extreme, which is crude. Sometimes just stupid or not socially savvy. But there is also “overly sensitive”- and most of us don’t want to be that. My closest local friend (and I am hers) often holds dinner parties or goes out and doesn’t invite us. She has all sorts of social reasons for that. What matters to me is the actual relationship- and the fact that we get puh-lenty of invites from her and she accepts puh-lenty from us.</p>
<p>I stopped counting a long time ago. </p>
<p>Four of us worked late on a project at the office- then those other 3 made plans to go out for drinks. I noticed. Yeah, but. I was commuting over an hour and we had plenty of other close interaction. </p>
<p>If a relationship is good, you decide not to sweat the small stuff. If it’s not that great or is just casual, really, you shouldn’t be fussing over FB.</p>
<p>So N and D should pretend to never have social gatherings with their friends from their sons’ shared activity, for fear of hurting MY feelings because I wasn’t invited? (even though I don’t know the rest of the people from a hole in the wall and I live an hour away?) Should I barge my way in everytime the Smallville Soccer Moms go out for a glass of wine because I happen to know 2 of them from rooming with them 30 years ago? </p>
<p>Or can N tell me that she went out with the other moms from the activity, but she’d better shut up if D was there too because then it would transform into a meeting-of-friends-from-which-I-was-excluded?</p>
<p>I’m not “entitled” to attend every gathering my friends go to. They are allowed to have social circles outside of me – through their work, through their activities or kids’ activities, etc. I’m not deliberately being “excluded” from anything. Likewise, I don’t <em>have</em> to invite every-single-one-of-my-friends-in-the-greater-Chicagoland-area to every activity I do. </p>
<p>I can EASILY see how high schoolers and college age students can use these activities and pictures in a mean way to purposefully hurt and exclude others, but this isn’t what I’m talking about here.</p>
<p>^ THIS I stopped socializing with “score keepers” years ago. For them, every social occasion is a new reason for hurt feelings.</p>
<p>PG: Because you are one of my favorite posters, I am going to try again. :)</p>
<p>If your friend sends you a letter/photo about a party with mutual friends to which you weren’t invited - that is rude in my opinion. Or impolite, discourteous, whatever you want to call it. Your reaction is a separate discussion entirely, in my opinion. Their behavior is simply unacceptable regardless of your response to it. imho</p>
<p>Of course, you and your friends know you can’t invite each other to every event. That isn’t the point. It is just bad manners to share events in front of others to which they weren’t invited. I wouldn’t do this to strangers, much less friends. </p>
<p>If VAsnowbird absolutely detested all the people mentioned in her OP and she never ever wants to socialize with them, they are still ill-mannered. imho.</p>
<p>I am in the minority in my opinion on this thread. I get that. I don’t know if I am in the minority in society as a whole. Probably there, too.</p>
<p>ETA: Some of us were taught not to do this at the same time we were taught please, thank you, excuse me, and not to chew with our mouths open. Not to open up stick of gum or a roll of lifesavers without offering one to everyone else you are with. For me it is really pretty basic. Manners 101.</p>
<p>I should have mentioned that this local friend does post everything in her life on FB- the place settings, what she made, dogs she thinks are cute, her DH’s crafts, her novice art, her new chairs, the car after it’s been washed. I do smack my head. But it’s her cross to bear. Others appreciate it. Not for me to judge. I post virtually nothing.</p>
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That’s the equivalent to sending your friends a text with pictures of your party. Not the equivalent to posting a picture on Facebook. Facebook (and Instagram) is a shared collection of memories, thoughts, and communication. </p>
<p>Facebook or any other social media outlet does not have the same level of personal as sending a letter does. With social media you choose to follow that person’s life and receive updates on their life. You choose. This situation is more equivalent to you sending your pictures of your party to a pen pal or someone who you regularly send letters to. </p>
<p>FaceBook friends are not the same thing as real-life friends. Sure, there is overlap but people add others on FB after a the briefest encounter. Some have over 1000 friends and they are not all going to lunch. Ever. </p>