<p>The truth is I have various groups of friends. Some of them overlap sometimes. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I want to spend time, my birthday for example, with a my three bff’s. If I go outside that core small group then I would likely have to bump it up by several more women. I don’t always want to do that because it changes the dynamic. </p>
<p>The dilemna becomes, then, it seems to me that the ONLY thing I can “politely” post about is the weather, my kid’s activities or what I did inside my house alone. </p>
<p>My gut reaction was that I didn’t necessarily think this is rude, but I think it is really too specific to a very specific persons relationship and the event to really say. For example, 99% of the things I do with friends I could probably post on facebook, because nobody on my list would have expected to be invited anyway. I only have 50 facebook friends and most of them are not local, the ones that are don’t know each other and wouldn’t expect to all socialize together. The one exception is family functions. For reasons that you will just have to trust me are justified, I didn’t invite my older sister to a family party I had at my house. I made it a point not to mention anything about the party on facebook and warned the couple of people who might not to as well, and so far as I know she never found out the party even took place. It would have obviously been rude to broadcast we were having a family get together without her. </p>
<p>There was a time when I had a friend group that ALWAYS socialized together and ALL members of the group were always included, more or less. Me and one other person in the group were best friends and we socailized alone together a lot, but I don’t think the rest of the group really did that and every Friday and Saturday we ALL got together. In that situation I think if they all went out and didn’t invite some of the group, that would be weird and hurtful. But now the relationship is different, we only get together once in a while, not everybody has time to go every time, and we have different more individual relationships with each other. Now, I would not think anything of it if some of them got together without me. If they ALL got together without me maybe… but it really depends on the people, the group, and the relationships you all have whether or not this kind of behavior is going to be hurtful. I would find it less hurtful and strange if a few of them got together without me and mentioned it on facebook, than if I found out later they had been getting together without me all the time without me knowing.</p>
<p>I think when there is no expectation of being invited and the person posting the pictures knows that, it’s not rude, and in more cases than you might think that is the situation. But maybe some people really misjudge when it’s okay and when it isn’t. I know my friends have made that mistake in the past, and perhaps I have unknowingly as well, but I think if someone who would reasonably expect to be invited is excluded then that tells you something and whether it’s rude or not is the least of your concerns as far as that relationship goes… </p>
<p>^I agree with those above who say that FB rules are different than real life. I’m sorry to say this, because it is probably rude :), but it bugs me a little when people who are not even FB users think they know the rules of what is or is not appropriate behavior on FB. I really think people who do not use FB are a bit ignorant, and I mean that in a non-judgmental way. I like how Niquii describes it in post #8:39AM ;). I don’t think not using FB is something I would crow about. It makes one look behind-the-times.</p>
<p>Haha TempeMom. I actually love manners and tradition, but I think FB introduces a new, more complicated manner of communication, which people who don’t use it cannot completely understand. Saying things like rude postings are “the reason I don’t use FB!,” to me is like saying “I don’t go on the internet because there is <em>porn</em> on there!”</p>
<p>FB is nothing more than a bulletin board, with the ability to comment. Fancy to call it social media. I love the new ad where an old lady is “posting on her wall” at home.</p>
<p>I see a difference between being “purposely excluded” (that junior high stuff, mean girls, dismissing others, etc,) and simply not being included in something low level like a dinner.</p>
<p>Of course, in social interactions, it is polite to consider the other’s feelings or possible misunderstandings. But this is Facebook- the whole point is it replaces face to face, it’s all about the “me.” And so arePinterest and Instagram (and MySpace was.) I don’t see how we can try to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.</p>
<p>For me, it’s like trying to apply “good manners” on CC. If you don’t credit someone for a thought or include them in a side on an issue, is that “rude?” </p>
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<li><p>& 2. Depends on context. It’s understandable when friends sometimes prefer having a smaller group with those particular members of a social group and unless they’ve advertised the fact this was meant to be a snub, it’s fine. It may also be possible the restaurant concerned may be too small to accommodate every friend in one’s social circle in a given area. </p></li>
<li><p>In this case, yes. However, the reason I’d give has a bit more to do with maintaining some level of professionalism in the workplace and such matters should be discussed discreetly via email/phone/text and that includes not creating a divisive work environment for one’s colleagues. </p></li>
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<p>I think this may vary by culture, region, and to some extent, gender. </p>
<p>In my old neighborhood, many of the girls in my elementary and junior high schools did tend to feel slighted to the point of fistfights. </p>
<p>On the flipside, our fathers/older brothers in the old neighborhood expected us boys to “learn how to suck it up and deal” quietly and not “sweat the small stuff”. Boys who’d openly admit to feeling slighted or fight over such matters tend not to be viewed in a positive light by male peers in the neighborhood on “machismo” or other grounds. </p>
<p>IME, boys/young men I knew in most venues tend to not even care about being invited and such a mentality could be summed up in the blase “whatever” and then moving on to something else. It was funny to see how such attitudes tended to drive the queen bees of my junior high up the wall once they found their attempted bullying/aggression technique completely fizzled. </p>
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<p>I don’t mind political rants so long as they are well informed ones. Political rants made out of ignorance or using nonsensical or incomplete picture of the history/political factors of a given topic do tend to drive me up the wall. </p>
<p>My response, however, is to jump in and rebut such rants which tend to annoy the ignorant ranter and get me much thanks from other commenters who were just as fed up. </p>
<p>Bay -12:49 - I think you have a really excellent point. </p>
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<p>There seems to be almost universal agreement that no one should post anything on facebook that they wouldn’t want all the world to see and know about. Am I correct most people agree with that? That there isn’t a higher level of tolerance for some sorts of behavior on FB than in real life? If that is so, how do we get to having different levels of manners for FB and real life? To me, this seems contradictory. Could you please explain it?</p>
<p>OP here. If I had a Christmas party and did not invite my coworkers, I would not march into work on Monday and announce “Wow, we had an awesome Christmas party Saturday night.” Nor would.I do that on FB.
Now, if I had a party specifically for my bridge club, I would say “We hosted a bridge club Christmas party Saturday night.”
Can the naysayers see the difference here?</p>
<p>The difference is the marching into work part. FB is not real life. I do understand the hurt feelings from the specifics described earlier, though. That stinks. </p>
<p>FaceBook friends are not the same thing as real-life friends. Sure, there is overlap but people add others on FB after a the briefest encounter. Some have over 1000 friends and they are not all going to lunch. Ever.>>>>>>>>></p>
<p>The naysayers can see a difference; however, don’t assume your naysayers practice your example. </p>
<p>@alh Facebook is not real life. Why? Because there are different level of communications. Certain barriers are taken down. There’s a different set of rules. </p>
<p>Okay, yes, FB can get people in trouble. For instance, In the early days of FB a friend of my D’s was fired for posting about how much her job sucked that day. That day was her last day. So yeah, there are rules and it can be dangerous. There’s a learning curve I guess but much of it is a happy façade. Nothing to get jealous over. </p>
<p>Her words were regarded as real life, alh. It broke the signed contract that her father and another party made. </p>
<p>Facebook does not follow the same social faux pas that face-to-face interaction follows. There’s a different set of rules. While some rules overlap, there are rule that Facebook has that don’t apply to real life and vice versa. </p>
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Oh, goodness. It’ no different from choosing your friends that impact your life. If there’s an obnoxious person in real life you choose not to associate with, it’s no different on Facebook. Choose who you want to deal with. </p>
<p>I think Ema nailed it in her post on the last page. It depends on the context of the group dynamics and the nature of the get-together.</p>
<p>I invited eight people over for an Oscars party yesterday. We all know each other as members of the same organization, and I invited everyone with whom I shared an equivalent level of closeness. I would feel no qualms about posting this on facebook, were I the type of person who used facebook in that way, as I honestly can’t see anyone who wasn’t invited who would be offended by that fact unless they were looking for reasons for offense. </p>
<p>I also wouldn’t think anything of telling my friend Jennifer that I had dinner with our mutual friend Margaret last night, as I don’t consider dinner, in that case, an “event” to be excluded from; sometimes I have dinner with Jen, sometimes with Margaret, sometimes we all do something together, sometimes they do something with each other. I hope no one is keeping score. </p>
<p>On the other hand, when I go back to my hometown during spring break, I have limited time and while a few friends living in nearby cities have indicated that they want to see me, I’ll have to choose; these people are all from different social circles, so I wouldn’t get together with them at the same meeting. In that case, I think it would be a little bit of a slap in the face to advertise to my high school friend Emily that I was coming to her city but had chosen to visit my college friends Rachel and Marissa instead of her, even though I haven’t seen Emily for a while and probably won’t be back in town for a number of months. </p>
<p>Again, it is all context, and my sense of the group dynamics in each of these cases. </p>
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OP here. If I had a Christmas party and did not invite my coworkers, I would not march into work on Monday and announce “Wow, we had an awesome Christmas party Saturday night.” Nor would.I do that on FB.
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<p>I would only do that if it was VERY CLEAR that this was a “family only” party or a “neighborhood block party” or something that clearly would not include co-workers/outsiders.</p>