<p>I don’t think that you have any right to talk to the GF-- it’s between you and your son. If you want her parents to know that she is having sex, then you should tell her parents and let them deal with it. I would not have responded well to my BF’s family sitting me down and lecturing me about sex-- especially if it was safe sex. It’s your son who decided to have sex in your house, against your wishes, he could have said no at any point. </p>
<p>I do understand why you are angry- but your son will be at college next year and you will have no say as to whether or not he has sex (or know one way or the other).</p>
<p>Out of curiosity, when did you expect your S to become sexually active?</p>
<p>According to research, the average age of first intercourse is 16.9 for males and 17.4 for females. By age 18, 62% of males and 70% of females have had intercourse. Abstinence only education according to research has no effect on average age of first intercourse.</p>
<p>The man that you say my S was did not think very carefully what would happen when he used our house to have sex with his girlfirned. He just thought with his ‘you know what’! Come on! This man stuff just dosen’t fly with me. My husband is a man. My son has a lot to learn before he becomes a man.</p>
<p>“I have an issue with the age of 18 being considered an adult.”</p>
<p>Legally speaking, an 18 year old can vote; be drafted, fight, and die; enlist and fight; own property in his/her own name; enter into a variety of contracts; marry without parental permission (in many states).</p>
<p>“The man that you say my S was did not think very carefully what would happen when he used our house to have sex with his girlfirned. He just thought with his ‘you know what’!”</p>
<p>I think that’s typical behavior of teens and young adults when they are in a place where it’s possible to have sex probably undetected. The hormones are running wild at that age as nature tries hard to get them to reproduce. That’s why I’ve never understood parents who say they trust their kids to be able to refrain from sex while visiting their romantic partner’s bedroom or being alone in a house. It’s much easier to have self control when one is middle aged than when one is young because of, I think, not only differences in impulse control but also differences in hormone levels.</p>
<p>"es! legally yes but not a man in the tru sense of the word. i just have high standards i guess. "</p>
<p>What you call “high standards,” I call “different values and standards.”</p>
<p>My mom would FREAK OUT if my boyfriend’s mother sat me down and had a talk with me about anything, much less directed me to their pastor, so if you do that be prepared for a fight. It’s not your place to do that.</p>
<p>Mind you, if she found out I’d had sex in my boyfriend’s parents house she would have a punishment of her own in mind for me for disrespecting bf’s family.</p>
<p>try to calm down, and perhaps keep in mind, if you express this much anger and shame towards your son it will likely not influence his behavior with his gf, but will likely influence your relationship w your son. Having a freshman d and sophomore s away at college I realize how happy I am that they still want to share their experiences with me. don’t destroy the trust you have built. and remember we all have strong feelings about our kids growing up and moving on. maybe there’s some of that mixed in here too…</p>
<p>bbgg – no one is saying you are not a great parent. You are now, however, in a sensitive position to address house rules. If you all three come together and then leave with a meeting of minds then you can be at peace with your family situation.</p>
<p>I agree with other posts that your son (and also his GF) are being responsible in addressing the transgression in your house rules.</p>
<p>just an aside. . .the birth of a child is not ‘devastating,’ it is, rather, a miracle. at some point your son may not want to be ‘parented’ any more and may be ready to evolve the relationship to a more adult stage. your thoughts?</p>
<p>There will be many different perspectives on this issue. Mine is that you should immediately give your son his phone and car keys. In your other posts about him, you express pride in his being accepted to USC. Continue showing that pride. You may risk damaging your relationship by keeping the keys and car from him. </p>
<p>I would suggest not speaking with the girl friend at the same time you speak with your son. If she really wants to come and speak with you, let her do it some other time when it is just you. However, as another poster has written, I think you are treading on very dangerous territory by speaking with this girl. You may end up offending her parents, her and your son.</p>
<p>It seems to me that you have much to lose and little to gain by punishing your son. I would try to focus on the great things your son has already accomplished. Your son sounds very mature and I would give him a great deal of respect for the manner in which he seems to be handling this. </p>
<p>Although you are very upset tonight, sometime in the future I am quite sure this will seem less troubling than it does now.</p>
<p>My S and his Gf are the ones who want to speak with us. my husabnd does not want to do this but i want to be fair and listen to what they have to say.</p>
<p>i am disapointed in the choices my son has made but i am still proud of him.
I just wanted to get some feedback from others and see if any one has had a similar situation and could share there experiences.</p>