S#%* my mother-in-law says.....

Parent Cafe
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<p>This.</p>

<p>I had issues with my late in-laws, but they were angels in comparison to these stories.</p>

<p>I have a male only child, and I can’t wait until he gets married. I view it as gaining a daughter. I look forward to being supportive without being nosey or overbearing, and having a great relationship. He’s only actually introduced one GF to us so far, and I really liked her and immediately established a friendly, comfortable relationship with her. Alas, they broke up. :frowning: But I promise I will never utter a WORD about her to his future GFs or wife. :D</p>

<p>I’ve viewed enough in-law tension through my sister’s marriage to last me a lifetime. Her MIL could be the MIL from hell. She was a very wealthy woman who controlled everyone else in the family. Two of her D’s have delightful in-laws, one is saddled with a MIL who seems to have OCD, in addition to simply being obnoxious. (She apparently starts vacuuming when guests are still there.) Classic story about her: she invited my S and BIL over for dinner when the kids got engaged. My S asked if she could bring anything, dessert perhaps? MIL says, “No, this isn’t a competition.” Whoa! At the wedding, when my mother said something about her mother babysitting us occasionally, the MIL said that HER mother was “special” and she would never USE her that way! (My parents were both totally devoted to my grandmother, and my mother went into a major depression when she died.) Lucky for my niece, her FIL is a nice man and her H realizes how difficult his mother is. (Of course, my S is a piece of work herself…there is a certain amount of karma here. )</p>

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<p>One of the best/worst days of my early married life (so a thousand years ago) was when my H told his mother that she could either leave our home and not come back or behave as an adult and stay for the visit. Her choice and he didn’t care. She did a complete transformation (with major relapses).</p>

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<p>Good for your H!!</p>

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<p>He is a true gem. He was out of the house, independent and planned on starting a family of his own with his (our) own definition of what family is supposed to be. So now we stand by in illness and crisis but bow out on her self-imposed drama with no apologies. Always cordial and bite our tongues when necessary. Give the benefit of the doubt for peace.
My SIL followed our lead and life has been much less drama filled.</p>

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<p>After reading this thread, I will never, ever, ever even think a negative thought about my in-laws. They are gems. And how some of you have managed to live without killing your inlaws is beyond me!</p>

<p>I think we should all re-read this thread from time to time as we become in-laws ourselves.</p>

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<p>One of the best/worst days of my early married life (so a thousand years ago) was when my H told his mother that she could either leave our home and not come back or behave as an adult and stay for the visit. Her choice and he didn’t care. She did a complete transformation (with major relapses).</p>

<p>Yay! </p>

<p>now if a few other men out there could stand up to their moms, most of this crap would disappear.</p>

<p>When H and I were newly married, we flew to see his family for Christmas. They always beg us to come for Christmas, so we had made the plans in August and his parents were excited for us to come and stay with them. </p>

<p>Well, our plane was canceled, we had to go to another airport to depart, that flight was delayed (weather) and when we FINALLY arrived, we learned that our luggage was lost ( :frowning: ). We finally got to H’s parents’ home well after midnight on Christmas Eve (actually now Christmas day). </p>

<p>At that point in time, it was recorded as the coldest day in history for that area. </p>

<p>Ok…so we’re exhausted from nearly 20 hrs of delays/travel, we’re freezing because of the ridiculously cold weather, and we find out that our bedroom has been given away to one of H’s married siblings who came for Christmas Eve and decided not to drive home (they didn’t live far away). So, at 2am we’re stuck finding a hotel room on a major holiday. </p>

<p>the next day my H chewed his mom out like she had never been told off before. I remember him saying things like: We were the only ones coming from out-of-state, they knew we were coming since Aug, MIL had no business giving our bedroom away to a sibling who could have just driven home - especially since it meant that WE had to drive to find a hotel in the middle of the night. She should have told XXXX and spouse that they couldn’t spend the night because that room was already taken. </p>

<p>I know it’s hard for many men to stand up to their moms, but it’s got to be done. My MIL thinks her birthday is so important that everyone needs to be there on THAT day for it…the fourth of July. When we were first married, we’d fly out for it because she expected it. Then we had a child born on the same day. She still expected us to fly out for her birthday. </p>

<p>Soon our son was old enough to want “his day” to be special and not involve plane travel to celebrate Grandma’s day. I really had to pressure H to explain to his mom that we had to start staying in our home town for the 4th of July because our son wanted his celebration to be on his day (not celebrated before or after Grandma’s celebration). H finally relented and had to tell his mom that we weren’t coming for her Bday anymore. (Frankly, I never could understand how a grown woman could have such high expectations about her birthday, and continue with that expectation once we had a child with same bday.)</p>

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<p>Right. Once I had a kid my birthday didn’t matter anymore. It was about his birthday.</p>

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<p>Mom–if it was ever at that point, I, ME would have told MIL to forget her birthday and grow up. And if I had to find a hotel at 2am it would have been at the airport for a return trip ASAP. Of course, I say that now being older–not sure what I would have done so many years ago. Fortunately my H already knew his response from an earlier age and eventually taught me to grow a spine (can you buy those?)</p>

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<p>Mom2, you actually went to a hotel? After arriving at their house and finding the guest room taken I hope that I would have said “Wow, we’re too exhausted to get back into a car, we’ll just sleep on the couches”. After long loud showers. And don’t wake us up before 9.<br>
Well, probably wouldn’t have back then but would now…</p>

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<p>My future MIL got mad at me for cheering for U of M instead of ND yesterday. </p>

<p>“Why aren’t you cheering for God’s team? Everyone in MY family cheers for God’s team.” (The tone meaning “you’ll never be family and here’s another reason why”)</p>

<p>I am hoping to put at least two states between us when I go to grad school and start my career -.- I’m really hoping this thread is not a glimpse into my future.</p>

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<p>I don’t understand why more men don’t have a spine like your DH. These men who sit silently while their mothers disrespect their chosen life partners…sorry, but I see absolutely no excuse for this and do not understand why their wives suffer this silently as well. If you love someone, you stand up for them…letting your children hear their mothers disrespected repeatedly…what is wrong with these men? I would never stay with a man who so lacked backbone as to sit there impotently while his mother treated his wife like crap.</p>

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<p>Romanigypsyeyes,</p>

<p>Is this thread a glimpse into your future? Well, let’s look at the present. How did your boyfriend respond to his Mom’s comments to you about rooting for the ‘wrong’ team? Did he stand up for you and your preference for U of M or did he allow him Mom to berate you and imply that you’ll never be family? Does he regularly stand up for you when him Mom says unkind things to you or about you? </p>

<p>If not, then I’d say that you are getting a glimpse into your future.</p>

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<p>Why didn’t I kill my in laws? Well for starters, I look dreadful in orange.</p>

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<p>book, he has offered to say something but I refuse to let him. She lives very close to us (a few miles away) and I don’t want to cause waves. I’m just biting my tongue until we’re actually married. It’s complicated, but I’m just one who wants to keep the peace :/. The whole family lives very close and my boyfriend works with his dad and one of his brothers. The FIL is also passive-aggressive and I don’t want to let them make things awkward at work or anything else. (And they are involved in almost EVERYTHING “else”)</p>

<p>He has stuck up for me before (recently) when she was passive-aggressively attacking my politics- which I never bring up with her. We’re just both the kind of people that want to keep the peace to a fault. Eventually one of us will get sick of it, but until then, we’ll grin and bear it. :smiley: (clenched teeth)</p>

<p>ETA: Oh and she’ll only ever say things like this over facebook. Rarely IRL.</p>

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<p>Mom2, you actually went to a hotel? After arriving at their house and finding the guest room taken I hope that I would have said “Wow, we’re too exhausted to get back into a car, we’ll just sleep on the couches”. After long loud showers. And don’t wake us up before 9.
Well, probably wouldn’t have back then but would now…</p>

<p>Ha! We actually did suggest the couch, but there was only one couch and the two dogs sleep there. </p>

<p>The main issue was that the mom didn’t say “no” to the sibling when that sibling asked if they could spend the night. H’s mom has never said “no” in her life. In fact, she didn’t really say “no” to us…she just nervously laughed and said, “I don’t know where you can sleep because X and Y are in the room I had for you.”</p>

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<p>I don’t understand why more men don’t have a spine like your DH. These men who sit silently while their mothers disrespect their chosen life partners…sorry, but I see absolutely no excuse for this and do not understand why their wives suffer this silently as well. If you love someone, you stand up for them…letting your children hear their mothers disrespected repeatedly…what is wrong with these men</p>

<p>Maybe these guys are thinking, “well, if my mom is annoying my wife, then at least I’m not the target.” (pathetic, I know). Afterall, isn’t that what happens when others stand around and say nothing when a bully is mean to someone?</p>

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<p>In my H’s case, he had learned to grin and bear it when his parents made their “humorous” remarks that were really insults. He just accepted that that was the way they were , and attempted to overlook it. When MY mother gave him a hard time shortly after we were married, I spoke up and called a halt to it.</p>

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<p>This this this!</p>

<p>She’ll say something mean and then laugh like it’s a joke. Erm um… it still hurt :(</p>

<p>I am grateful though. This thread has made me realize that I am lucky to at least have experienced many of her positive traits. There are some MILs ITT that made my jaw drop.</p>

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<p>"H’s mom has never said “no” in her life. In fact, she didn’t really say “no” to us…she just nervously laughed and said, “I don’t know where you can sleep because X and Y are in the room I had for you.” </p>

<p>Well, she didn’t have to say “no” to them either. She could have said, “I don’t know where you can sleep because A and B are going to be sleeping in that room.”</p>

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<p>Ohiomom–your MIL is probably on another thread complaining about how you just can’t please everybody no matter how hard you try. LOL</p>