<p>Although I have a halfway decent relationship with both M/FIL, there have been moments when I wonder how the heck did I get such a good hubby from THAT gene pool.</p>
<p>The inlaws couldn’t make it to their only sons wedding because they had already ‘gone to vegas’ that year. We were in CA and they live in GA. They also knew a year in advance our wedding date. MIL wanted a nice ‘southern’ girl for her son…not a nice ‘southern california’ girl. </p>
<p>A year later they were in… Vegas - their annual vacation location and couldn’t make the 40 min flight to CA to visit…MIL is terrified of flying. Oh and the drive is too much. We made the drive up and paid for a hotel, even though we were living on my enlisted military pay and everything was paycheck to paycheck. MIL took one look at her son and said ‘when you going to have kids, you’re getting old.’ He was 27. Of course when she was our age, her son, my hubby was already 11 years old.</p>
<p>Small things like that while not as bad as some MILs, make me appreciate the 500 miles between us. Both of us can handle his mother in small doses. Good thing I don’t have a problem talking back. </p>
<p>Although, I wish I had a recording for the day she told me that I was the best thing that had happened to her son. She never thought she would see him so responsible. That made my day. It only took 11 years of marriage and two kids!</p>
<p>Thank god my mom and hubby get along. He calls her mom and she treats him like another son.</p>
<p>While there were difficult times years ago and I have had to put up with M and MIL saying things about each other, I didn’t realize how lucky I was. My DHs momclearly wished that he had married his previous girlfriend (families were friends) when we were young. I didnt get along with her for a while but she got over it and so did I. Then MIL was crazy controlling for a year or so after being widowed at 59. After she sold the family homestead and bought a small (so small that we have never been invited to spend the night) condo, things got much better. I decided not to worry about what she said about the gifts other family members sent.
I thought that was bad until I started reading some of these posters…omg, I need to send her a dozen roses.</p>
<p>Probably “off”,thumper, that’s for sure. I guess it depends on how the visit in general went and the context of your relationship with the inlaws ,and also what the kids said. I hope to be a grandmother some day. I know I’m not perfect now and figure I’ll be less so as I age. But I look forward to grandchildren. My MIL was an older mother and grandmother so when she finally knew she was going to be a grandmother, I was initially annoyed by something she did but now get it as I have aged. We were visiting our hometown (stilll childless after 6 + years of marriage) and a childhood friend of husband visited with wife and newborn (husband wanted to tell him our news first). My MIL could not contain herself-the couple walked in the door and she immediately told them I was pregnant! I can still see it. I can also still see MIL coming down the steps with her mother’s diamond to give to me when we said were were getting engaged. This thread has brought up memories for me, that’s for sure. Agreed with some here ,very lucky with a very lovely, gracious mother in law.</p>
<p>I have to say I was blessed with a very loving MIL & FIL. They were very nice people and SO happy to have me engaged & later married into the family. They were so honored to be able to watch our children and would beg to be able to hold them a while when we came to pick them up while the tykes were sleeping. I miss them both. One of the last things we did with FIL was go on a very nice trip with all his grandkids to Disneyland. It made for many happy memories.</p>
<p>My D realized that she is closer in some ways to my late SIL than any of her other relatives, since the SIL spent more time talking and listening to her than the others .</p>
<p>I really respect those who have figured out how to live gracefully with challenging relatives and in-laws.</p>
<p>I am blessed with a great MIL. My own mom, though she is the kindest most generous woman was always able to say the worst possible thing to set me off without realizing it.
My senior prom bf shows up in a borrowed sports car. Her response while asking us to smile for the picture was to hope that I wouldn’t be lying dead in pieces from a car wreck.
When I was very pregnant and on bed rest she would always say that she hoped the baby comes out alright…this is after 4 miscarriages.
I know she meant well, but she could bring the doom and gloom warning into any and every situation.</p>
<p>My MIL passed away when my older s was less than a year old, so my stories and experiences are limited. And she LIKED me, because I am the “right” religion. Her older son (the BIL who drives me buggy), who married outside the faith, had their first grandchild 9 mos before mine was born. When my s was born my MIL told my SIL that her first “real” grandchild was just born.</p>
<p>tptshorty, ellebud, and others–My sympathies to you for suffering such hurtful behavior from older (not wiser) relatives. I would conjecture that your MILs were jealous, mean people who could not face their own character faults, and insecurites, so instead attacked you, their vulnerable DILs.</p>
<p>That any of you are still on speaking terms with them is a testament to your greater hearts, wisdom, and character. Hats off to you.</p>
<p>MIL and FIL have been really great to us over the years, although at times they can be difficult without really meaning to. </p>
<p>We went through a period of time (during the housing boom) when various BIL/SIL’s were seeing stratospheric housing appreciation while ours was pretty flat. At one point MIL/FIL told us we should “move to California” so we could have this kind of opportunity too. We found their attitude hurtful, because they didn’t seem to appreciate the work that H and his local brother have done here to help our financial situations here, not to mention the obvious differences in value systems. It wasn’t like we were Cousin Eddie and his family from the Vacation movies, but that was how they made us feel at times. </p>
<p>I know they meant well, and if she were to do that now I’d drag her into a corner and let her know how we felt about it. I guess 25 years can beat the intimidation out of a lot of relationships.</p>
<p>I’m still stunned hours later about Ellebud’s inlaws comments & behavior about her religious heritage. I can’t believe someone still uses the “k” word in 2012. And your SIL won’t let Jews in her house unless it’s business? Does she ask for ID at the door? I’ve heard you tell stories along the way while I’ve been on CC, but to see it all together & realize that you had to deal with an escalation while you were sick, those are awful people. Your poor DH. And your poor FIL (why did she marry him if she knew he’d been born into a Jewish family. Or was he conniving too?)</p>
<p>tptshorty: I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this while you’re sick. Don’t let the anger eat up the energy you need to heal. </p>
<p>How do all your DH’s deal with their mom’s being such shrews to their chosen life partner?</p>
<p>My mil hates Catholics…so no Catholics for her. My fil was headed for success (he was extremely successful in show business) and she wanted success. My fil was not a good husband…he had affairs…lots of them. But he liked my mil’s cooking. She liked their money.</p>
<p>As for my husband? For years (we didn’t see them) and my husband made excuses. Now…after the last episode…he finally got it: He was switched at birth.</p>
<p>And: to be said in a snotty voice: You know who the Jews in the room are: loud, frizzy hair, big noses…you just KNOW.</p>
<p>Wow–my in-laws are deceased. May they rest in peace. My m-i-l was a very sweet woman. One of the very few things she said that ever annoyed me was (when I was 8 weeks into my first pregnancy and horribly nauseated), “Morning sickness is all in your head. . . it’s just mind over matter. . .” (I so wanted to vomit on her at that moment and show her that, no, actually it was all in my stomach!)
My in-laws were never crazy about me, and my parents were never crazy about H. But they’ve been fine over the years, mostly kept opinions to themselves, acted like adults and treated us as adults, and never, never interfered. Living far away from them was great for our relationships.</p>
<p>I think my MIL is the best, but she did have opinions about what we should “have our kids major in”…At graduation, the inlaws mentioned D should go to grad school and I blurted out “if your’e paying!”…ooops…</p>
<p>My MIL, may she rest in peace, never did accept the religious choice I’d made for my then-baby. She would look at me with wide eyes and say, “What if she dies?” meaning I was personally sending my D to hell.</p>
<p>That’s nothing, though, compared to what some of you have to put up with. Hugs to all of you with nightmarish in-laws – you’re saints!</p>
<p>To me: You are boiling your frozen peas in too much water.
After my D won a math award: Well, I am very good at math, so we know where it comes from!
In front of my paraplegic SIL: I could never live in a wheelchair!
To my nearly bankrupt SIL: can you pick up the insurance on my second home (all their money was spent frivolously)?
In front of the whole family (including my SIL): My son is so handsome and smart!</p>
<p>I could go on an on. Basically, I am not worthy of her perfect son, anything good is because of her superior gene pool contribution, and anything bad is my fault.</p>
<p>So sorry that you are struggling with health problems and MIL, tp. Also my sympathies to all with awful MIL. </p>
<p>For years my MIL would say things to try to cause a fight with my H and I. I would tell him that this was her objective, and he usually saw that this was true and stop listening to her. She said MANY things that were hurtful, but the one that was awful to H as well was how his ex wife was a nice person (impliedly nicer than I). This ex was an incorrigible drunk, had 3 husbands total by now, and none of her children even speak to her - MIL great judge of character, right? To my poor H, this marriage was the worst period of his life. We won’t even begin to go into how ex poisoned his relationship with their child. This also after she once stayed with in laws and drank all the bottles of alcohol in their home. </p>
<p>She improved when she got alzheimer’s. No more insults, she even had a sense of humor. I was able to salvage some affection for her. In her defense, she was a war refugee, and had suffered unspeakable cruelty. She really never got past this, did not try to better herself, and was always wishing for her life before the war.</p>
<p>I had hoped for a MIL who was accomplished, perhaps a professional, who would take me to lunch and shopping, maybe tennis…I guess my SIL had hoped for the same (this being HER mother). She eventually stopped talking to MIL altogether. When MIL was very sick, she did not call, and did not come to funeral. Even after all the incidents over the years, I felt it was a bit much.</p>
<p>I soooo hope when my kids marry that I am a “good” MIL. Is everyone here posting a female, talking about their H’s mother? I have only sons, so fear that my future DILs might feel the same way. That would be truly awful.</p>
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