<p>^^I come from a culture that unintentionally encourages eating disorders. When I decided to get pregnant, it was necessary to gain about five pounds to even have a chance at fertility. I had a rather difficult pregnancy and a very exciting delivery. My parents were there to help husband and me through the experience, including bilirubin lights at home, because no way I was leaving a baby at the hospital. Breast feeding was off to a rough start what with in and out of boxes with bilirubin lights. MIL shows up week three after returning home from her annual vacation. (It was rather inconsiderate after all of me to go into labor early, because if I had been on schedule she would have been there!) First question out of her mouth: “How long do you think it will take you to lose the weight?”</p>
<p>My father, bless him- because he was just as weight concerned as anyone I ever knew, emphatically told her “NO ONE DIETS WHILE NURSING”</p>
<p>Actually, FWIW, nursing an infant DOES help A LOT with weight loss. From personal experience, it helped me lose all 50+ pounds with S and nearly 20 pounds from D, so I went back to my pre-pregnancy weight. </p>
<p>Right after childbirth and while nursing is NOT the time to obsess about weight though, and it’s important for nursing moms to get good and proper nutrition. :)</p>
<p>I loved my MIL and I miss her so much. My FIL is another story, but I took care of him for the last weeks of his life as a tribute to my MIL.</p>
<p>My BIL, on the other hand, is the meanest person I’ve ever met. He wouldn’t let my sister sign the documents to sell the family home, which we kids inherited half of since my dad died intestate, until we gave him 20K. We, of course, succumbed, so we could get my mom into a better place. When mom’s new house was damaged in Katrina, we renovated it and decided to put it on the market. He refused to let my sister, his wife, speak to me for two years because he wanted to live in the newly renovated house, rent free. We only began speaking again when my brother committed suicide two years later.</p>
<p>He is taking the cake again as he instructed my sister to tell me that neither they, nor my unemployed nephews, can take care of my cats ever again, which they did while I went to Houston to take care of my mother. While I don’t really trust him around my cats, my nephews, his sons, could use the money I pay them to take care of the cats when I travel FOR FAMILY. We rarely take vacations, so it’s not like I’m traipsing around Europe while I expect them to take care of my cats for free.</p>
<p>I fully expect, when my mother finally dies, that he will sue me personally for funds that he feels they should inherit, that were instead used to take care of my wheelchair bound mother in a nursing home.</p>
<p>I would be right up there with a BIL thread. After I came home to find out my sister was stealing my mom’s money, I took steps to have mom declared mentally incompetent and placed under the guardianship of a relative (she had undiagnosed Alzheimer’s). My BIL threatened my life, waving a gun around and yelling how my niece and nephews would starve now, and how I ruined everything! Yeah, we haven’t spoken in years, and will likely never speak again, except at mom’s eventual funeral. He and my sister had mom take out a mortgage on the home to cover all of their debts. It was a nightmare to sort.</p>
<p>My MIL didn’t breastfeed her kids (my H jokes that he was nursed thru a falsie)…</p>
<p>Well, she hated that I breastfed, and would make little comments here and there. Guess it has never crossed her mind that maybe the reason her 8 kids are allergic to many things, have asthma, and are a who’s who of auto-immune diseases is because she bottle-fed them with god-knows-what formula of the 50s while smoking cigarettes at the same time.</p>
<p>"Miami,no matter how thick skin you have, people’s cruelty can hurt. It’s not as easy as just ignoring it. "
-It is acquired skill. You must learn if you want to be helpful to others instead of receiving help. Airplane rule: put mask on yourself first, dead parent cannot help his child. Depressed person is not much help to others. Thick skin is a grown skin, it does not happen by itself, you have to grow it by your own efforts. There is no use of being bothered by something that is completely out of your control, it does not accomplish anything at all.</p>
<ul>
<li>Called my D crazy for being afraid of something. It was my fault. I should take her to a psychiatrist.</li>
<li>Told D she was going to turn into an ugly monster when she had an acne outbreak during a stressful time in her life and called me irresponsible for not taking care of it. Nevermind, she was under the care of a dermatologist. That was not good enough.</li>
<li>Called my SIL a slut when they were dating. She was dressed a bit inappropriately for a family party but it was unnecessary to say it out loud in front of everyone</li>
<li>Told me stories of all women that lost their babies during first trimester while I was on mandatory bed rest during my 7th week, praying I would not lose mine.</li>
<li> Said “why would you have another one, if you can’t take care of the first one”, when DH proudly announced we were having another baby, This due to the fact that I worked. </li>
<li>Would not come to see second D after she was born because she was caring for her sick husband. Did not also come to her Christening because it would be inappropriate for her to be at a “party” while her husband was in the hospital. Unfortunately, FIL had been in the hospital for six months since D was born. Yes, it was tragic but I think she could have taken a couple of hours, during those first weeks, to meet her new grand daughter and be there for the church ceremony, which we postponed for six months, in hopes they could attend. DH finally took D to the hospital when she had her first shots so they can both see her. </li>
<li>The best was when she called my mother and told her I was a bad wife for not showing DH how to be a good son. All his shortcomings were my fault. I burst out laughing and when she told me this in person I said, but wait you raised him. She did not find that funny. BTW - she told SIL the same thing about her husband.</li>
</ul>
<p>Oh well. Over the years, I have come to realize that no one would ever meet her expectations and I am sometimes amused by some of the comments. I do not take these comments personally anymore. Although, it was hurtful when it came to my children. I just think, she had a hard life and never knew how to be nice. In her older age, she has become, should I say more “warm”. She actually hugs me now and means it. I think.</p>
<p>At my house - “Do you HAVE to do that NOW??”</p>
<p>At her house - “This Christmas Eve we are assigning family members to take care of the various grandbabies so they don’t interrupt the festivities (you know like if they get hungry between 5 pm and midnight). Your SIL will take your baby and keep him quiet.” </p>
<p>btw Although I support breast feeding it is not for everyone and my children were very severe asthmatics in spite of it. Of course, I’m pretty sure my mother smoked while nursing me. </p>
<p>If I hadn’t been breastfeeding - MIL would have had something to say about THAT.</p>
<p>Oh my, my my, there are things that irk me about my in-laws, but after reading these stories I really shouldn’t complain.</p>
<p>It saddens me that so many people are still racist, anti-semitic, etc. in this day and age. Weren’t we saying back in the 60s and 70s that those mind sets will evolve in the next generation?</p>
<p>My MIL and FIL are/were more “closet” prejudiced. They would never say something to someone’s face about their religion or race, and so could pretend in their minds that they were not being biased. But I would hear the off hand comments that showed the prejudices they had learned their whole lives: “She married a black fellow but he’s very nice and has a good job” or “Oh, so you have a Jewish friend” upon hearing that my daughter was headed out to a bat mitzvah.</p>
<p>DW is Jewish, I am not. When we got engaged, my future MIL send us a book about mixed marriages, the point of which is that they never work out so don’t bother. 23 years later…</p>
<p>My future BIL once called my wife “little Hitler” for planning to marry outside the religion. You can imagine how that went over.</p>
<p>MIL has done some goofy stuff over the years (I listed a bunch in the “Outrageous Guest” thread), but she is not mean.</p>
<p>If you can’t get enough MIL stories there is a web site devoted to them: www dot motherinlawstories dot com .</p>
<p>My MIL was pretty nice. My FIL could be a bit tactless (like when I got really sick with mastitis when my son was a baby and he said “I thought only cows got that”) but was probably more pleasant to me than he was to his wife and daughter. I guess I was lucky. My best friend’s future in-laws called her a money grubbing whore to her face when the happy couple shared the news of their engagement. The fact that her husband to be did not defend her should have been a warning of things to come (she is now happily divorced after 20 years of being married to a man whose parents always came first and were involved in every decision from what house they bought and what furniture went in it - when my friend and her husband had picked out new couches, the in laws said they would order the furniture as they were going to be in the Carolinas where you can get it cheaper. They saw a suite on sale for a very good sale price so ordered that instead. My friend had no clue until it was delivered to her house - Butt ugliest piece of furniture I’ve ever seen in my life even if it was a good deal ($2000 down from $7,000)).</p>
<p>Hope we all learn from these stories what not to do and say as in-laws!!!</p>
<p>You all are making me so happy I live 2 hours from my in-laws. Close enough for an emergency; far enough to avoid. My biggest MIL problem is her extreme denial of everything. Ex.- 3 other sibs plan a professional photography session. 9 kids, ages 6 months to 18, dressed in identical outfits at a studio. Or course, our 3 kids weren’t included. She swears it was a “spur of the moment” thing…really? She means it. Can someone with a Master’s degree be that dumb?</p>
<p>That 16x20 photo immediately faces one when the front door is opened. Her house is a pit and when she dies, there will be a dumpster used to “clean” the house. I’ll be helping out by placing that photo where it belongs…at the bottom of the dumpster. At least I’m not passive-agressive like the rest of his family :)</p>
<p>I can thank them for making me really appreciate my first MIL and SIL. Thankfully, they are the ones who live 2 miles from me!</p>
<p>My husband and all his siblings left their home town as soon as they were grown. When they were in their 30’s, the local high school decided to create a tribute wall to “inspirational” graduates and my husband was one of the first selected. When my MIL heard about it, she said, “there must be some mistake. I’m going to call and straighten this out. Surely they meant so&so instead.”</p>
<p>Recently: husband’brother’s son seems to have fallen in love with an HISPANIC. We haven’t met her BUT the girl took the son to meet her family. According to mil and bil the kid was shocked: Her family looked like “dark little Mexicans” nuff said?</p>
<p>These people only like Wealthy Wasps with high social connections. (I MIGHT have been ok if my parents were very wealthy…but they weren’t.</p>
<p>Oh, my husband has a client is is Hispanic and very successful…like very very. My mil actually wanted to know if he actually could use a computer…or did his secretary do that for him? My husband almost choked and then let her have it.</p>
<p>alh, that sounds like my mom. At a big family event with lots of people I didn’t know well, a relative who used to live near my great-grandmother said that I always was her favorite. Later when I told my mom, she said, “That can’t be right.” Uh, is it so hard to believe that I was someone’s favorite? :(</p>
<p>Lets start a BIL thread, ladies. Got lots and LOTS to share there. Hes on his latest round of self-diagnosed psychosomatic cr*p and then gets irate that his employer wants him to produce a Drs note. I cannot imagine having him as an employee. A true nightmare.</p>
<p>Henny Youngman: “I just got back from a pleasure trip - took my mother-in-law to the airport.” Bada bing. I actually got to say that once. </p>
<p>I’m in total shock over the stories on this thread, though. Both sets of our parents were delighted with our marriage and quite supportive. MIL and I don’t really mesh, mainly because she thinks she knows stuff that she doesn’t. If she can’t relate it to her life or someone else she knows, it’s not something she wants to talk about. She used to listen just long enough to find that connection and there went the conversation. And she used to have a voice like Shelly Winters - now after a stroke she’s much slower and more mellow.</p>
<p>My three favorite comments of hers:</p>
<p>What will DS do at Disneyworld? (DS was 7 at the time and it turned out her only experience at DW was the international shops at Epcot.)</p>
<p>Of course, you don’t like fruit. (Even though I’d eaten plenty of it in front of her; but I didn’t eat the fresh peaches on the windowsill so apparently that meant I didn’t eat fruit.)</p>
<p>Tell me - why do you want to go the the Gulf Coast? (All of FIL’s relatives lived on the Atlantic side of Florida and I guess only goyim went to the Gulf side.)</p>
<p>I know my mom had a cooky, but sweet, first MIL. I asked her for her favorite MIL story and this is what she told me: </p>
<p>When my mom’s former MIL found out that my mom was engaged to her son, she burst out in tears and begged my mom not to marry him. Told her that her son was a loser and that my mom deserved so much better. Cried through the whole wedding and asked her to change her mind until about an hour before the wedding. Turns out, she was right.</p>
lol</p>