<p>^^^Romi, that’s priceless.</p>
<p>Nearly fell off the chair at the goyim comment. I’m not Jewish, but I’m guessing that’s a nonflattering Yiddish term. I happen to love the Gulf side of Florida.</p>
<p>Jym, I’m up for a BIL thread. My H’s brother is coming down next weekend, and I’m sure I’ll have lots of doozies to add to it. I’ll go ahead and start it now.</p>
<p>When my DD was born, on that first hospital visit, just a few hours after the birth, MIL said, “she looks like a little beaner” </p>
<p>(This is a pejorative for Mexican farm worker in that area ;))</p>
<p>My FIL has two sons, my H and the younger one, who is my age. Every visit, he goes on and on about the younger son and his perfect daughter and perfect wife. My H had recently gotten recognized at his job, and so after the litany of praise about younger son’s accomplishments, I interjected that my H, his older son, had just gotten some recognition at work and wasn’t it wonderful that both boys had great achievements. He proceeded to tear me a new one, and that he hoped I wasn’t insinuating that he wasn’t proud of my H as well. I was completely caught off guard, but really upset at myself that I hadn’t held my tongue, as I’ve done for the past 30 years of going through this. I was just so fed up with watching my H make so many sacrifices to care for his parents, while the younger son was free to live his life however he wanted. While I am sad that he passed away, it is amazing how much better our life is now that he’s gone. Even my H commented this weekend how nice it was to get in the car and go on a trip and not have to worry about driving after dark lest he get a tongue lashing by his father.</p>
<p>Ladies, thanks SO MUCH for your hugs and support. I am assuming you are all ladies, because I think there is some Freudian stuff going on here. Yes, I started this thread to vent, not to get advice- because there is nothing I can do. My husband has to deal with her, and he’s scared to death of her. We are seeing a therapist today- hoorah! I had to threaten to leave to get that to happen.
So those of you wondering why we put up with this crap, well, we are married and have kids, so we don’t want to give all that up because of one crazy lady. However, as I learned from your posts, some of us don’t stay.
Why my MIL has decided to spew her vitriol while I am sick with CANCER is the mystery to me. Maybe she is mad at the CANCER. But since she has done this to almost everyone in her immediate family, including her other son, her own husband and her own mother, I also assume it’s just my turn. But I am not related by blood, so I don’t have to take it.</p>
<p>I’ve got some stuff for the BIL thread, too.</p>
<p>My MIL lived five minutes away from us but never invited us to her house. When my 4 year old son was critically injured in an accident, she took her daily stroll past the hospital but never stopped in, not even to let me change out of my bloody clothes, never mind to see her grandson. Her favorite thing was to “apologize” to me for not caring about my kids because the only grandchildren you can count on are your daughters’ kids. At the end of her life, I was the one to take her to her chemo appointments and she was spitting mad.</p>
<p>^^ zoosermom,
I can relate to your MIL’s comment about the daughter’s kids. My DH (her son) and I were the first to bring grandchildren into the world. I had 4 children before his siblings began having children. When the sister (MIL’s only daughter) had her first child, my MIL actually said to my husband I (and we still can’t believe she said this - and this happened 15 years ago), “Now I’m a grandmother.” </p>
<p>Words fail at trying to describe how hurt my husband was over this conversation. </p>
<p>This summer, my FIL passed away. Who is going to shul to say kaddish - only my husband and daughter. The daughter’s kids are being raised Catholic and so they are certainly not going to shul.</p>
<p>Ellebud, you really have to reveal these names - at least privately!</p>
<p>Luckily my mother is my mother and not my MIL. When my brother was dating his present wife, my mother moaned about the fact that he was “involved with a divorced woman with kids.” My sister, who is a divorced woman with kids heard that she said “imagine that.” My brother is the only son out of five kids and adored by my parents.</p>
<p>When my mother heard about my brother’s upcoming wedding she said “oh no, she’s not wearing white is she?”</p>
<p>My mother puts up with SIL because otherwise my brother would not have anything to do with her, but you can tell she’s not her favorite. I have to give SIL credit for being as gracious as she is.</p>
<p>bookreader- that is not uncommon. My mil so clearly favors my D over her son’s children I had to tell her to knock it off.</p>
<p>The perception that the D stays with the family while the husband abandons his after marriage needs to be put to bed. My mil actually expected I would not attend holidays with my family because I was from a large family so they did not need me there. I actually really like my mil. She is very nice but this is how her marriage went and it was her expectation. She once commented to my mom that D’s are wonderful because they are always there for you unlike sons. My mom- mother of 4 boys and 1 girl- told her that is not how it works her boys are every bit as wonderful as her daughter. My mil is correct though her d is 100 times more wonderful than her son. I will save that for the bil thread.</p>
<p>^^ It really surprised both my husband and I.</p>
<p>My mother does not feel this way, so I’d never been exposed to this kind of thinking. I will never treat my daughter in laws this way. And I will love my grandchildren (when I finally have some!) all equally. It will not matter to me who their parents are (if they are the children of my sons or of my daughters).</p>
<p>Sounds like I have a little bit of everyone’s horrible mother-in-law. She says hateful, horrible things about every race, color and creed except those that are exactly like her. When I first met my in-laws I think I caught some flies since my mouth was literally hanging open the entire time. I have NEVER heard the “N” word bantered about so freely and continually as I did that day. Could not believe it was the 1980’s. And Zooser, my mother-in-law hates me simply because I am not her daughters, I stole her son, and we dared to move out of control range (to another state). I don’t care how poorly they have treated me all theses years really. What utterly breaks my heart is how little they seem to care about my children, how blatantly they show favoritism, and the hurtful things they say to them when they compare them to the other grandchildren. Wouldn’t bother me as much except this witch is the only grandmother they’ve ever known. My own mother, who would have utterly and completely adored them, died when my oldest was itty bitty.</p>
<p>Is it now-a days a more common reaction for seniors to “age-with-anger”, or has it always been this way? </p>
<p>My almost 60 years experience says this is something new.</p>
<p>After reading this thread I’m almost ready to say that I’ve been lucky with my MIL.
She actually told my DH after my first promotion (about a year after we were married) that since it looks like I would be making a decent amount of money it would be best if we did not spend much time together- she was afraid she’d run me off. In the 21 years since then we’ve seen my in laws at thanksgiving and occasional birthday parties, weddings and funerals. She has never asked to spend time with our kids and I can’t say I mind.
On a lighter note I have to share the best MIL joke I’ve ever heard:
Two old friends run into each other after many years. In sharing stories of their kids one says “I have the worst DIL she’s so lazy. My son has to help with the cooking and cleaning while she does nothing, now my daughter got lucky, she married the nicest man, he cooks and cleans, he even brings her breakfast in bed!”
I guess it’s all in the perspective. As I just have sons I hope I remember this lesson when it’s my turn to be a MIL.</p>
<p>MIL saw my daughter in the hospital after she was born. Later that day, she left a message on our answering machine to say what a shame it was that the baby got her father’s “weak chin.”</p>
<p>Much more recently, she said to me, “Sweetie, are you worried about the children?” Me, irritably: “No. Why?” MIL: “I just hope you don’t feel guilty about anything.”</p>
<p>These are the really mild things. I could write a book. She is a nut.</p>
<p>When my brother got engaged, his future FIL was so enraged that he kicked my future sister-in-law out of his house - at gunpoint.</p>
<p>They cut off contact with her side of the family except for her grandmother, who was the only normal one of the bunch. Didn’t tell them where they lived, or that they even had kids. They hired security for their wedding in case any of them showed up.</p>
<p>OMG, nre- that’s absolutely horrible. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? </p>
<p>Hope their lives have been better since then. Good grief.</p>
<p>NRE,
I can’t imagine a story to top that one!!! How very, very sad.</p>
<p>No matter how long I work at a shelter designed for abuse victims, the cruelty of people will never cease to amaze me. Not ever.</p>
<p>^ There were issues with her brothers as well. Daughter of southern rednecks marrying a Yankee apparently did not meet their approval.</p>
<p>They have a fancy alarm system and kept a shotgun in the house for years. Just in case. Don’t know if they still have it.</p>
<p>Ok, need to lighten things up a bit:</p>
<p>I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for two years. We haven’t quarreled. I just don’t like to interrupt her.</p>
<p>Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, “My MIL is an angel.” His friend replies, “You’re lucky. Mine is still alive.”</p>
<p>A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my MIL, and I wanted to say, “Could you please pass the butter?” "But instead I said, “You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.”</p>
<p>A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her. He called his mother to share his good news with her. He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee. When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. His mother inquired as to why he had brought THREE women, instead of just one. He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law. She looked at each one carefully and then replied: “It’s the redhead.” “How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?” he inquired. She coldly replied, “Because I can’t stand HER.”</p>