I hope my S gets into a relationship where I would be heartbroken if they broke up. It would mean that his mom and I like the girl a lot.
I wouldn’t want my S to get into a relationship where I say “Good riddance!” if they broke up.
It would be very important to me that we like whomever our kids date and they like us.
^^ My D is on her third serious relationship and this one looks like it may be THE relationship.
Before this, she had one “good riddance” relationship and one “Mom-was-totally-heartbroken-to-see-it-end” relationship. I still occasionally put in a half-joking recommendation for that first BF, but I’m just kidding around…maybe…
I was upset when my daughter broke up with her boyfriend last year , but after some time passed , I think it was for the best. Great guy , but she just wasn’t ready for all that was happening and there was a subtle pressure for her to get married and start a family. She was only halfway through grad school and she wants to work in her field , not be a housewife.
It was a big adjustment because she had to find a new apartment ( not that easy that time of year in Boston area ) and move again twice within the year.
Last we heard , he is doing a lot better and has a new girlfriend
“She and I are still FB friends.”
That could be awkward down the line if you post any pictures of your son… DS is FB friends with his GF’s mom & stepdad. They post stuff on his page. I think he is kind of surprised that I’m not FB friends with his GF but I’d rather not because then what do you do if they break up?
Although its been heartbreaking for me a few times as I’ve gotten attached to a few of my kids’ significant others, I take comfort in the fact that a) they’ve had relationships with good people that I’ve liked and will hopefully continue to choose partners who are good people, and b) that they want to bring their GF/BFs home to meet us and value the importance of us getting to know them and visa versa.
It all bodes well for the future as they navigate dating and relationships.
My wife and our son shared an apartment for a year (she was there 2-3 nights/week, he 7). She got to know his girlfriend really well, the girlfriend was very simpatico, the two women occasionally did appropriate things together (like go to Target at the opening when they released one of their special collections). My wife was very sad when they broke up. We like his subsequent girlfriend (soon to be fiancee, probably) fine, but my wife still harbors a smidgen of hope that this one will send him packing rather than marry him, and he’ll get back together with Ms. Penultimate. Never expressed to him, of course. Part of the dynamic is that our son tends to stay close friends with ex-girlfriends – only one ever really left his life completely. He and his current girlfriend live in different cities, whereas he and his ex-girlfriend have offices three blocks apart and apartments about half a mile apart, and of course lots of mutual friends. They see each other a lot. (He is going to be best man at the wedding of another ex-girlfriend this summer. This sort of thing never happened to me, but I was not as nice as he is.)
Our daughter has only ever told us about one boyfriend. (There were others, at least according to our son.) It took her seven months after they got involved before she so much as casually dropped his name in conversation. Then she had to make us promise that if we ever met him we wouldn’t disclose that she had kept him secret from us for so long. Not much chance of over-involvement there, although by now we have spent lots of time with him and like him fine. They are great together, but his attitude seems to be that he already has a large family and isn’t in the market for more.
^^ my sister still holds on to the hope that her only child ( daughter ) will get back with her first bf and first love. He is pretty awesome , but their lives have really moved in different directions.
He really set the bar high and no one has been all that great since. Funny, I am still friends with him on FB. He really seems to be doing well, and no surprise about how he lives his life. As much as I love my niece, she would not fit into his life any longer at all
I stayed FB friends with sons first g/f (at least, i think his first). She wrote that when her brother was in Cambridge, he got together with my son. She still seems a lovely , bright, beautiful person, but her roots are in Europe. My son never shares such things. I never have regrets about sending her gifts, when they were seeking nag each other. No matter what, I want a good relationship with a future DIL.
Am glad you will NOT be gifting ex-GF the China. I hope you find a good home for it–maybe a tea shop? Otherwise, maybe you can resell online?
Consolation: While I thank you for the china maven…which I am…my heart breaks for all. You know the “thing” about never dissing the boy or girlfriend because it may be a temporary? Keep the teacups. They may get back together. Or, perhaps some evening you will have lots of extra company and need them. And they will be opened in joy. Or someday you might have a granddaughter and the two of you might have a tea party.
@MichiganGeorgia, I don’t post photos of S to FB, so that shouldn’t be a problem, but also I think that suddenly unfriending her would seem nasty.
I’m not suggesting unfriending her. I’m just saying that I don’t know what I would do…
I’m sure over time she will gently unfriend you … If you get the urge to post photos of your son with his new girlfriend, that would be a good time to unfriend. Just posting pics of your son wouldn’t be an issue because she could unfriend you if she wanted to avoid them (says the person who has never been on facebook).
Just a naive question here (especially to parents who have a daughter and know how young women of this generation may view such matters.)
Will the current girlfriend feel “insecure” or even “jealous” when her current boyfriend sees (or even just has the opportunities to see) his ex frequently?
I belong to an old generation and do not know how the younger generation think of this. However, at one time, in a casual conversation with DS, it seems he said if he got too much contacts with his ex, there may be a lingering concern here (the word “insecurity” might have been mentioned at that time.) But his ex soon left the city.
You can put the GF in the Acquaintances group and only share generic pictures with Friends. Most of my postings and pictures I share “Friends Except Acquaintances.”
I am a foodie, so I will share pictures of food with all friends, but only share pictures of people (especially my kids) with close friends.
My girls do not stay friends or have any contacts with their exes. The reason being they usually want some distance in the beginning to get over the other person, and once they feel indifferent they are either on to the next relationship or need their ex to fill in any void in their lives.
mcat- that depends on the person. Always has always will.
Another alternative to unfriending is putting the person on restricted status. That way the person thinks they are still friends with you but they don’t see anything you post on your page unless it is a public post.
It’s pretty normal for anyone to feel uncomfortable if their significant other still sees, for whatever reason, their ex, especially if the new relationship is still pretty fresh and doesn’t have a lot of history behind it yet.
I realize now that boyfriend would not have worked out (originally mentioned in post #13), but I still feel affection for him. He’s a great guy and I wish him the best. He will make some woman very happy. He just needs to find someone who isn’t as goal oriented as my daughter.
" a naive question here (especially to parents who have a daughter and know how young women of this generation may view such matters.)
Will the current girlfriend feel “insecure” or even “jealous” when her current boyfriend sees (or even just has the opportunities to see) his ex frequently?"
Mcat. This depends on the PERSON. Some people will feel one way, others will feel another way. You keep wanting to assign people to a bucket (age, nationality, etc) and think that all members in the bucket will feel, do or think the same thing.