All of your thoughtful replies are so helpful, and give me so much to think about. I think we definitely need to expand what she’s looking at! THANK YOU!
Hi, I have a son at Denison and remembered reading this last year, in case it’s helpful: https://denison.edu/campus/health/feature/134303 Someone above mentioned Wooster, which is also not too far from Columbus and worth looking into.
@aupaircj I’ll PM you with some more kid-specific thoughts, if that’s ok.
Thank you so much! Not going to lie, I would LOVE her at Denison. I adore Granville so much!
I also have a child that has had trouble fitting in but for other reasons. We took a different approach and let this child take time off after college – a gap period longer than a year. This allowed this child to adjust emotionally and otherwise and then became ready to attend school. We felt it important to make sure that the child was emotionally and psychologically ready before starting college. In our experience, sometimes students don’t adjust well and need to come home from college. We felt that it was better to take the gap time, all the gap time this child needed, to grow and change and to be ready.
What I noticed is that this child, with some guidance, was able to choose the best school. By guidance I mean that we made an appt once a week for one hour together. In between we didn’t talk about college. During that hour we set up a spreadsheet and looked at the websites, reviews etc. We considered big schools, medium, small and in the end the child was able to define what was most important. I was very impressed that the child chose a school that I hadn’t considered! The things that I thought would be perfect (writing depts, a sci-fi dorm at one college) the child ultimately rejected and chose a school in a location that surprised me. I grew to love the school after this child chose it and I learned to see why it worked for the child.
The point for you is that the child will give good feed back and will ultimately choose, with your wisdom and guidance.
For women’s colleges, I would check Bryn Mawr, Mt. Holyoke–they have interesting and quirky students that are accepting and academically oriented and are generally supportive of each other. They also have self-scheduled exams. As she gets used to college, she would have the ability to attend classes at other campuses. They are in consortiums. She might also consider Smith but that school is more political overall.
So your kid would be good friends with my daughter, but she just graduated. So I thought Webster was just for conservatory for theater? Great program though.,
Look at Knox College, Illinois Weslyan and Beloit College. At least to get an idea of this type of Lacs. Her peeps are at these schools.
Please keep in mind that creative kids as you described are not part of the in crowd. They are usually sorta outcasts. Then they go to college and find all the other kids just like them in high school
She will find her peeps at any size school because once she does something with the theater department (if she can), her peeps are waiting for her. So look for a school that she can take part day one. Most always need backstage help.
One important criteria is her receiving the help she needs and if she has accommodations will she self advocate to get them?..
@aupaircj As the parent of a very similar child (ADHD/anxiety/gifted/theatre geek/struggled to make friends in HS), I would suggest checking out Wooster while investigating the Ohio Colleges.
Our initial trip to Ohio was primarily to visit Denison, but we scheduled Kenyon and Wooster for the same weekend. My daughter found Kenyon and, to a lesser degree, Denison, to be way too preppy for her. However, it was evident within minutes of arriving at the Wooster event that she would find her people there. The students impressed us as diverse, quirky, intelligent young adults who were passionate about their school, studies, research and activities.
We have returned to campus several times since that initial visit and my daughter will attend in the fall as a member of the class of 2024. Of all the schools we visited and that she applied too, the level of engagement and communication from the Wooster administration was unparalleled … Personal notes, emails, phone calls etc. As a parent it was obvious to me that Wooster faculty takes their commitment to undergraduate education and mentoring very seriously.
Wooster doesn’t have a traditional NPC on their webpage, but beginning in August (I think), you can submit a form with basic financial and academic information and they will email an estimate of financial merit and merit awards. This was very accurate for our family. My daughter also applied for a couple of additional scholarships through Wooster, eventually bringing the COA below our in-state options. One of those was a theatre scholarship for several thousand dollars a year with no requirement to major or minor, just an extra curricular time commitment.
I apologize for the long post, but your child sounds so similar to mine, that I wanted to share our experience! We feel very lucky to have stumbled across Wooster in our college search.
@Dustyfeathers thank you for this. I think my youngest is going to need a gap year or two before committing to sleep away college and your post re-assured me
I am replying to my own post… Lol.
I didn’t mean to say that “theater” is the only thing to meet others. Many schools have Lgbtq+ groups, clubs,lectures, activities also. The larger the school usually the more activities. My daughters Lacs were 1300 and 1800 students and didn’t have a issue finding her people, making relationships etc. Not all faculty /staff is straight also and they partake also. Read the universities websites maybe some Facebook or the like groups. She will see quickly which schools have activities and which ones are just brochure fodder for the students.
Check out Beloit, in Wisconsin. What an amazing place! Daughter loved our tour there. She ultimately picked somewhere else, but Beloit was/is her second choice.
I was going to suggest the women’s colleges, but people have beaten me to that. So I’ll just put the link here for the full list: https://www.womenscolleges.org/
As for theater, is she be primarily interested in performance, writing, production, stage management, tech/design? Being able to specialize can be a good thing, but if she wants a more general program then a smaller department where everyone does everything might be more interesting for her. She also should pay attention to how a big U handles the theater program. Some give the good opportunities to the MFA candidates and it is hard for bachelor level students to do much.
Women’s colleges with great theater include Vassar (now co-ed but considered if not a sister school any more, then a “cousin”) and Bryn Mawr/ Haverford. Marymount Manhattan also–although I believe it’s co-ed, but great theater. Also Wagner a co-ed school on Staten Island has great theater, as does Drew University in NJ.
Anyone with knowledge of other schools?
@CollegeMamb0 PM me if you would like some suggestions about options for structuring a child’s time during gap time (or if you’d like to talk about anything else). We did about three years before starting college and there’s plenty for a young person to do during that time, that doesn’t involve large outlays of parental cash for fancy gap-year programs. I am delighted that we took this course … it wasn’t easy but I have seen other families, ones whose kids go off to top-10 schools and the like–come home early from college and take breaks for various reasons. One thing that makes taking a gap break before college better than during or after, is the student loan issue. No loans means no pressure to begin repayments during that time, and the child can earn some cash and pay for college when they start. There are many other benefits I have found. This can be the right path for some students.
My son sounds similar—he will be a senior at Lawrence University this coming year & has had a good experience. Personally I think LU would be a great fit for your daughter in many ways. My son isn’t gay, but my understanding is that the school is a very friendly place for LGBTQ+ students, and there are many gender fluid faculty members. The president is a married gay man. I have a masters in theatre and have been impressed with their theatre offerings and I noticed they are launching a creative writing major starting this year.
Although Appleton isn’t a big exciting city, the location was actually superior to some of the other schools he was considering. It’s what I’d call “micro-urban” and the college borders downtown so non campus stuff is easy accessible. My son has come out of his shell quite a bit over the last few years and has engaged in ways I never would have imagined—traveling independently throughout Japan 2 summers ago with a fellow student, participating in the ski club (a great experience for a Texan!) & spending many weekends at Bjorklunden, a resort type remote campus that is free for students to attend on designated weekends. They even have a chef who travels with them! I believe the events he attended were language intensives. Anyway—good luck in your search!
@Dustyfeathers thanks for the offer. Child in question is only 12, so who knows how things will pan out, but I have time off from formal education in my mind as an option. I will reach out if I have specific questions, thank you.
I was going to suggest Bryn Mawr and Mt Holyoke but see they were already suggested. I’m a Bryn Mawr alum and am active on alum networks.
My daughter had the opposite impression of Smith. After a weekend visit, she found it very judgmental and didn’t feel she, as a somewhat conservative and non-political person, would fit in. She didn’t want to do it THEIR way, and they weren’t interested in her having an opinion that conflicted in any way. Her friend she stayed with transferred after a year.
A friend who is ADHD, top of her hs class, did better at a big state school than at her original elite university. Some of it was because at the big school she lived at home and commuted. At the private school, the whole thing was too much for her to handle - the social life, the medications, the sleep schedule, the trying to fit in but also trying to stand her own ground. A whole lot of growing up happens as a freshman and it was all just too much. At the commuter school (which is big with 25000 students), she was in a smaller department and she could control her time with classmates, with commuting, with home life. She could do the ECs she liked and avoid those she didn’t.
Thanks so much for that. I wish I could get her to consider our home school (ASU) but it’s the one she’s never been open to, though will apply to it and Barrett and see. Your friend’s experience is definitely what I’m wondering about for mine. She just needs down time, in a way most kids her age (or full grown adults) typically do not. I worry how she’ll get that in college. Our best hope is to at least get her to a school with a close friend/family member nearby so she has an escape when she needs it.
She decided to not pursue a BFA in Musical Theatre. Part of me is sad (nothing makes her happier than performing), but part of me is majorly relieved since it’s probably statically easier to get into all the ivies combined. I think she’s pragmatic enough to know how hard that road is, and isn’t sure it’s what she wants to do. I still don’t know if it’s the right choice, my heart is crushed at the idea of not seeing her on a stage due to the pure joy it brings her, but I also worry the stress of both getting into a program, and then surviving in the industry, might be a bit much for her.
We checked out Webster because they are one of the only ones with a wig design focus, but it was clear that since she’d basically live in a never ending tech week, she could never go do community theatre or anything like that while in school. When we did the tour (again, tech) and we walked out onto the stage, I saw that magic light up in her eyes, and realized she could not do tech for a major, she needs to have time to at least try to act in some form. It’s too bad though, she’s incredibly talented at wig design, but I don’t think she’d be happy in a theatre all hours of the day, and never on stage.
So it’s creative writing (also a passion) and hopefully either minor in theatre or just hook up with community theatre options or even as you said, volunteer helping with tech.
I completely get what you mean with the theatre crowd. It’s one reason I’m sad she’s not pursuing it as a major. I just hope and pray she finds her people. It’s been a lonely few years, even within the theatre group. While ADHD she’s actually very mature for her age and that doesn’t always go over well with peers. She’s the one taking seriously and getting fed up when people show up late, flake out on their tech jobs, things like that. My hope is that when her peers are adults, she’ll be good. 
Wow, thank you, that is VERY helpful. Also, amazing on that scholarship!
When I hear the word “preppy” it’s quite helpful, as that really is not her crowd. Not that she takes issue with them, she just comes off a bit more Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club than Molly Ringwald.
We will definitely look into Wooster! Thank you!
To be honest, I don’t think my friend would have done better at a big school far away, or at an all women’s school, or at a teeny tiny school. For her it was everything all at once - living away (although she’d been at 8 weeks of summer camp for 6-8 years), having to make new friends, handle school (and handle not being the smartest in the room), eating, medications (and she did have some new diagnoses from ages 18-20), sleeping, time zone differences from her parents. Just everything. When she was living at home and half those issues weren’t issues, it didn’t really matter the size of the school.
The offerings at the school really only matter if your student can take advantage of them. The cozy dorm groups, the clubs, the big study spaces in the library are great - if you use them.