<p>It was a touching card especially since it is a bit out of character for her to openly express herself…as mountains’ son would say, “too emo.” My little boy drew a picture of me for Mother’s Day. The real gift? He drew me SKINNY!</p>
<p>mountains, I am sorry you didn’t have a daughter. They are something special. But you may have that sweet daughter-in-law or granddaughter someday! You are quite lucky to have a thoughtful boy and husband.</p>
<p>You’re right, jnsq, daughters are something special. I forgot to tell you all this morning, but my D baked a cake for me last night. She waited until I went up to bed, and then baked a French Vanilla cake with chocolate frosting, decorated with sprinkles and candy letters spelling out Happy Mother’s Day. Would anyone like a piece - it’s delicious! I thought the cake was my present from her - but no - my present was a gift bag full of stuff she bought at the drug store: 2 bottles of nail polish - one in bright pink and one in light pink, a nail buffer and an emory board, a bag of M&Ms, and 6 packets of seeds. Also a card - a bought card but with her own artwork inside. She had S sign his name to the card as well - but I know she was the one who did the work.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids is expressive. No one has ever baked me a cake or written anything like that for mother’s day.</p>
<p>However, when each had to turn in portfolios of their writing they had to dedicate their writing to their hero and both chose me.</p>
<p>D said I was the only adult who took her seriously and always listened to her opinion and that when I corrected her writing I helped her to say what she wanted to say, not what I wanted t say.</p>
<p>And S said I inspired him to understand what art means to the human spirit.</p>
<p>The teachers said they could not believe they said these things for their classmates to read, but all the kids said it was the best part of their portfolios. In fact, some of them send me postcards from their junior years abroad.</p>
<p>But mother’s day? Not much of a big deal for them, I’m not sure why. I think they find me the same as the air they breathe, not someone that requires acknowledgment but something that is just part of the environment, like oxygen.</p>
<p>I really don’t think I should mind for myself, but I am a bit sad for them that they find it threatening to go out of their way on my behalf. I don’t know how to teach them that crossing that bridge would free them. Sigh.</p>
<p>Re: boys and cards. Middle S surprised me this morning with a wonderful card and the sweetest handwritten words inside. He’s not my talker and though I know he loves me, he’ll seldom say anything. Those few lines meant so much to me, I practically started crying…ok, I did start crying. And now he’s left to go to Uzbekistan…yes, you heard me right, Uzbekistan. He’s got a very circuitous travel plan since he’s meeting a friend in Israel to travel after his month in Uzbekistan, so now I just wait for the phone calls as he moves from NY-Paris-Tel Aviv-Istanbul-Tashkent! Left NY at 6:15pm tonight and arrives Tashkent at 4am on Wednesday. He’ll be an airport pro! But moms being moms, I’m worried and nervous. I’ll be happy when he reaches his final destination. And all this 3 days after he got home from school. I’m so looking forward to July when he returns and will be home for a month before returning to Wash U for his senior year. Hope everyone had a wonderful Mothers Day.</p>
<p>runnersmom - LOL - when I read that your son was going to Uzbekistan, I immediately went back and re-read the sentence to make sure I wasn’t seeing things - then I read your next line - “yes, you heard me right, Uzbekistan.” That is some trip your S has planned. Just curious, but why is he going to Uzbekistan? Do you have relatives there, or is he just interested in the country? I’m sorry if that sounds nosy - I just don’t know of anyone who has traveled there before…lol. I hope he has a great time. </p>
<p>mythmom - I think it is an honor that both of your kids dedicated their writing portfolios to you, their hero. I’m guessing the reason your kids don’t make a big deal out of mother’s day is that you didn’t make a big deal out of it when they were growing up. For us, it was always a big family day - both my mom and my MIL live nearby, and we would go from breakfast with my MIL, to the Bronx Zoo or Coney Island Aquarium or whatever, and then to dinner with my whole family. It was always a busy, fun-filled day. Last year was a little low-key as my FIL had passed away only 2 week earlier, so I asked my family if they would mind if we did a brunch instead of a dinner and if it would be ok to invite my MIL. They were fine with that - so we did it again this year. Anyway, my point is that my kids know that H and I always do something special for our moms on Mother’s Day, so they try to do the same for me. If you and your H have different traditions, then your kids may not think about the holiday the same way. Mythmom, you know everyone here on CC really adores you - so have an extra Happy Mother’s Day from us.</p>
<p>My D usually makes beautiful cards for people - interesting pictures and lovely sentiments - that is her thing. She does it for everyone. For some reason, I got a store-bought card today (her own drawings added). S usually does the same thing owlice’s son does - a piece of paper that says Happy Mother’s Day, Love, S written in ink. This year, he just signed his name onto D’s card - and he made sure to point out that he wrote it himself, and that he pressed on the pen really hard. He is not one to put extra effort into anything, so pressing hard was a big deal to him…lol. S is a sweetheart, just not interested in exerting himself too much.</p>
<p>LIMOMOF2: Your daughter sounds like a true gem! How completely sweet and loving to bake you a cake while you slept! Your gift bag of goodies sounds lovely and thoughtful, too. What a sweetheart you have raised. Ach, boys, they are not much for planning are they? It’s so cute that he made sure you knew he signed the card himself. </p>
<p>mythmom: Mother’s Day is a day. You have your own special days as well, and OFTEN, from the sounds of it. You are your kids’ hero! Your daughter has shared that you, and you alone, help her express what is in her mind and heart through her writing. And your son can share that you taught him the enriching role art can play in our lives and spirits. All that shows what wonderful seeds for living a full, rich life you have planted in each of your children. I think they are wonderfully expressive, and not embarrassed to do so in front of their friends. That speaks volumes to their character and upbringing! So perhaps they are not demonstrative on a particular day, but they cherish you in their hearts every day. I am sure of that. I would have loved having a mother like you! </p>
<p>runnersmom: My heart goes out to you as your boy travels the globe to uncertain, unfamiliar places. Of course you are nervous and worried. I suspect you’ll re-read his card often while he is gone. What a special memento for you to have. No surprise you cried. Who wouldn’t? </p>
<p>I think we all have an amazing and generous bunch of kids who each have their way and time of showing their gratitude and love for us.</p>
<p>I found you All!!! Whew! I was worried! Happy Mother’s Day! Good day here. Looked for trees to plant and got a wonderful electronic cutter for scrapbooking for mother’s day. D2 and hubby made a delicious dinner. What a nice day!!</p>
<p>jnsq &mythmom-</p>
<p>I never went to prom b/c I graduated early. Daughter didn’t go and my husband couldn’t believe it. D and I were laughing on the phone today about how ridiculous high school was socially. She has plenty of male attention at college and has found it to be far superior in general, socially.</p>
<p>mythmom-</p>
<p>haven’t been on much lately but I particularly appreciate your always open and genuine posts. It is self-evident that the inability of your father to parent you kindly has led to the result that you parent extremely lovingly. I hope you enjoy your time with your son prior to his study in Florence.D heads to Munich to study at Goethe in june and then home to us for a whole two months. we’re thrilled! A wonderful summer to you.</p>
<p>Good morning to all-- a windy, wet one here. I hope everyone enjoyed their day yesterday. For the past few years, instead of spending M’s day with my kids, I take my M out to lunch at a cafe and we go shopping (mostly just looking). I feel I have who knows how many more Mother’s Day left to spend a few uninterrupted hours with my mom-- most of the rest of our time together we are surrounded by my kids, with other family members at big holidays, etc. Never just the 2 of us. Kids and my H took my m-i-l out. So it worked out nicely for everyone. </p>
<p>But, as they say, every day is Mother’s Day-- all the worrying, organizing, preparing…a party every day of the week! </p>
<p>Back to the oatmeal breakfast after the indulgent lunch yesterday!</p>
<p>Prom Drama: Chapter 2</p>
<p>Prom pictures of “friends” are automatically being posted on my daughter’s Facebook page. There is one group shot that shows all of her friends with their dates. These are the folks who last year promised to go together to Prom this year, including my daughter. Two of the girls pictured are going to the same college as my daughter next year. </p>
<p>Being excluded doesn’t bother my daughter because she is too trusting to believe they would do something mean to her. She isn’t mean herself so she can’t imagine that anyone else is. I am glad she is not hurt, but it concerns me that she is utterly unaware of the motives and intentions of people around her. Any advice?</p>
<p>jnsq: your daughter is a rare breed. These girls are at the very least completely thoughtless. Is your daughter completely unaware that these girls make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse?</p>
<p>If your daughter depends on Facebook for her social life, as do most of these kids, she may need to ignore this as she would if they were huddled together laughing in the hallways ignoring her irl. If she is up for it, she could un-friend them, I believe, or get off Facebook for awhile even if under the guise of her computer being down or something. She can join the Facebook group from her new school and start getting to know her future college friends before these girls do. </p>
<p>Did she tell you about her facebook page or did you find out about it some other way?</p>
<p>jnsq, I don’t think the kids were trying to hurt your D intentionally on the facebook page. They were just posting like all of them do after an event and that news-feed thing on fb just automatically lets anyone who’s a fb friend know they posted pictures. I made a facebook and both of my daughters actually friended me (but with limited access). So whenever I log in and one of them has put new pictures up, it shows up in the news feed. I love this!!! But I’m sure with all the social drama that is high school, it can also bring unpleasant news as well. </p>
<p>Fortunately, your D sounds mature beyond her years and far above any high school pettiness.</p>
<p>acme, good luck with the waitlist. My D’s friend from her summer program just got off Chicago’s. D sent them another letter this weekend, so everyone generate some positive thoughts out there for our waitlist kids!</p>
<p>mythmom, you are so my hero!!! You do have stories that should be told. They may help another young woman in your situation someday. </p>
<p>I like to think of everyday as Mother’s Day. I feel incredibly blessed to have such wonderful daughters and am thankful everyday for the joy they have given me. That being said, yesterday was perfect except I couldn’t hug my older D who doesn’t get back from college for another week yet.</p>
<p>acme: You have a lot of good suggestions. She found the pictures when she signed onto Facebook. There is something called “News Feed” I think, and some of her “friends” pictures just showed up there, I guess. They didn’t send them directly to her. My daughter showed me the pictures, admiring how pretty and fancy her friends looked. She’s so innocent, and genuinely happy for them. It’s the way she has always been. </p>
<p>I think these kids know she is unaware, so they don’t have to be careful around her. I wonder if I should clue her in to what is happening, which might hurt her, or continue to let her stay blissful in her ignorance. Would that hurt her in the long run even if it seems kinder right now?</p>
<p>2forcollege: We cross-posted – Whoops! I agree, they did not intentionally hurt her. But, no, she’s really not mature beyond her years. She is woefully clueless and unaware of underhanded motives which insulates her from the hurt of being excluded. </p>
<p>Is your daughter hoping to be admitted to UChicago? I’ll keep my fingers crossed for her! That was my daughter’s first choice, but, alas, she was rejected. I will keep the 
thoughts going that way for your daughter!</p>
<p>acme:Only good, hopeful, positive thoughts for you, too! This waitlisting saga seems to stretch on and on…! It must be just awful to keep waiting and wondering.</p>
<p>jnsq My advice is to focus on college. IF and when your DD becomes aware/asks for aid, then you will be ready. You can’t understand the slight to your DD so are focusing on it. But she ISN"T (apparently) If she is aware, then it sounds like she is taking the high road in not assuming evil intent, so I’d recommend following her lead. You can pretend she is already at college where you HAVE to wait for her to ask for aid. </p>
<p>And a final thought, your DD sounds pretty great so you can probably relax. “How ya’ going to send her off to college when xxx?” is now tattoo’d on my forehead. That is necessary. Borrowing trouble is not necessary.</p>
<p>(And ps, I DO NOT blame you for worrying at all, just recommending you only worry on the inside … or here in the vigil)
GL</p>
<p>jnsq-- I didn’t know that pictures could just be automatically sent to facebook friends-- I may have misread the situation. In retrospect, I think your daughter is lucky to be unaware that she may be being hurt. When one of my kids at a younger age was left out of something, or dissed by someone, we always hoped they would downplay it because it gives less power to the ones who are being exclusive, or whatever. If you don’t want to play their game, how great a game can it be, after all? Your D in the long run will be able to go where and do what she want unencumbered by worry that others may not have “picked” or “asked” her to go-- she will make her own way and others will follow her. I say bravo to her! As esobay said, I would follow her lead in this.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the good waitlist wishes, and I send them back to everyone else still in limbo.I have a good friend who’s D is also waiting and a good friend of my S’s who is waiting as well, so I am monitoring lots of schools for them as they are not as CC-savvy as me!</p>
<p>esobay, good, provocative advice. We have always taken the easy way out and chosen to keep our daughter in the dark about sinister behavior and intent, even when we knew people were laughing about her and teasing her. She was and is incapable of seeing it. Socially blind, I guess you would say. Now that she is about to leave for college, we are wondering if allowing her to stay in the dark was such a smart course of action. Maybe we should have directly taught her what everyone else seems to learn effortlessly so she would be wiser to the ways of the world, and not exploited. I hope I am only borrowing trouble here!</p>
<p>acme, I never thought about it that way – there may be a long-term benefit to her cluelessness! I really doubt she will ever be a leader, but she may forge ahead unaffected by what others do and think. </p>
<p>You guys are the best. I’m sorry to be such a Debbie Downer!! I DO hope all the waiting list limbo ends soon. It certainly is a year unlike any other before!</p>
<p>jnsq, thank you for the positive thoughts! Sometimes it does no good to point out the ill intentions of others. Ignorance can be bliss, because you only have control over your own attitude, not the attitudes of others. If she blows off their catty behavior (aware or unaware she’s doing it), then they don’t control her emotions.</p>
<p>I was always the kid everyone harassed and teased in high school, but was at the top of the social ladder in college. I was still socially clueless (only child here), but a fresh start and guidance from my sorority sisters helped me to develop self-confidence. And when it comes down to it, that’s the best thing you can do to help your daughter…boost her self-confidence.</p>
<p>2forcollege, that is so interesting to me to read that a child who was socially clueless in high school would not only join a sorority but get the kind of guidance from sorority sisters that helped to develop your self-confidence. Thanks for sharing. That breaks all my stupid stereotypes about sororities!</p>