<p>Actually, I personally mentioned that a parent’s reaction and lack of sleep can make a huge difference in parent-teen interactions. Kudos to you for your work and please understand that underneath every annoying, clueless parent lies a former teenager!</p>
<p>I am now in my early 40s, and am VERY close with my parents. But, I was a real jerk to my parents from about 16 to 20. When I was 20, after a night of talking with my friends at college about how awful we ALL were in our mid to late teens, I called my parents… particularly my mom… to apologize for being such a P.I.A for those years.</p>
<p>My parents and I also agree that I was a bit of a pill at 3, 10, and 13… 3 was the age where I started saying that I was not a baby and insisted on having “kid sitters” not “baby sitters.” 10 was the age where I said I should be allowed to make more decisions independently because I was now in the “double digits.” 13 was the age I thought I should be able to go around alone with my friends (even in not so secure situations) without adult supervision because I was a “teenager.” </p>
<p>When I was being a jerk my parents… particularly my mom… let me know. Both my parents also honestly confronted me when I was out of line, telling me “There was nothing I could do to make them stop loving me, but they did not always like me when I was rude and disrespectful.”</p>
<p>I found this book to be extremely helpful:
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated, by Anthony E. Wolf</p>
<p>It helped me sort through what was useful and what was not, like “consequences” that were more difficult for me than for my daughter, and how she was drawing me into endless debates, just for sport. </p>
<p>It’s an easy read, and you can get it used for $4.00 including postage via Amazon or BN.com. It’s also available for the Nook or Kindle. Aside from the insights and tips, it helps to see that you are certainly not alone, and that for almost every teen, it gets better.</p>
<p>Oldmom, thanks for the book recommendation. The title alone makes it worth a look - I actually laughed out loud when I saw it.</p>
<p>It’s only a phase if you help her through it. Take every opportunity to remind her of what it takes (time, money, resources, effort) to run a household. My latest strategy was to post a list of every single chore necessary to make this household work, including silly things like “pet cats and see to well-being” to more serious ones, such as cleaning up after dinner. </p>
<p>I have no idea whether this will work on my self-centered teens, but it is kind of fun to remind them when they complain about some trivial task (“Hey, I just did the dishes three nights ago!”) how many tasks they aren’t doing (“So sorry, perhaps you’d rather clean the bathrooms/fold the laundry/dust/vacuum/change the sheets/scoop the cat box instead?”)</p>
<p>Sometimes being self centered or wanting attention is a cry for help.</p>
<p>I know I went through a period where i was “self centered”</p>
<p>In actual fact I went through something extremely traumatizing (I won’t post it here) that I could never tell my parents, nor would I have ever known how to externalize it. I actually became somebody I truly wasn’t.</p>
<p>Sometimes teens are self centered because they want some praise.</p>
<p>I agree with the post above. Sometimes teens have “struggles” and in their head, they’re thinking - “don’t bother me. I have so much to deal with right now”. Continue to develop a good relationship with a lot of communication and everything should be fine.</p>
<p>I am feeling SO much better after reading this thread. It is so hard in divorced homes…I came home from dropping my S at college to my 14 year old D announcing she wanted move to dads. I have gone through every emotion, from profoundly hurt, to angry, to upset about the supervision and such there…and finally I just said this is a teenager and I have grow thick skin. It helps to see so many others go through the same thing.</p>
<p>Lots of great advice in the replies so far.<br>
My experience is the quicker she has to take full responsibility for herself, the quicker she’ll grow out of this.</p>
<p>relating to many of the above posts. In the last year or so my previously engaging and helpful youngest has started acting petulant, entitled, and as another parent put it ‘haughty.’ I think what bugs me the most is that when one of her friend’s parents say no to one thing or another she brushes it off, but if I do (with reason stated clearly) it’s the end of the world. grrrrr…</p>
<p>This is completely normal behavior and is a crucial part of a cognitive development. Developmental psychologists’ call this “adolescent egocentrism” (See Elkind 1967).</p>
<p>Fortunately, it usually tapers off in mid-to-late adolescence.</p>
<p>elle – agreeing that there are special challenges for single parents (especially those with 14 year olds!). I thank my lucky stars that the kids live with me, but it’s not always easy–</p>
<p>Lots of good advice here - thundercatsgo touched on a point that was the case for us. D2 was the sweetest , kindest girl until 11th grade and then I just couldn’t wait for her to leave for college. It was the spring of her freshman year in college that she had her breakthrough and we had long talks about her self confidence and other issues she was going through. Things are MUCH better now but even when she was horrid we always called her on it and made her take responsibility.</p>
<p>There was a story on NPR this morning that may be useful:
[How</a> Parents Can Learn To Tame A Testy Teenager : Shots - Health News : NPR](<a href=“How Parents Can Learn To Tame A Testy Teenager : Shots - Health News : NPR”>How Parents Can Learn To Tame A Testy Teenager : Shots - Health News : NPR)</p>
<p>D has followed this exact path! Super sweet and respectful to everyone else but me when she is tired (which was most of the time with school work and demanding varsity sport). I had to call her on it and was able to keep it to a bearable amount. I did the become invisible trick which was hard for the helicopter parent I am. The nest became pretty fouled end of senior year and summer - made it a lot easier to ship her off to college across the country ;). She is much sweeter (again) when she comes home for breaks. She really wanted her independence and it suits her well.</p>
<p>Like everyone says this is normal and to be expected.
The way I look at it is, if Nature didn’t make them so surly at this age, you would never want them to leave! They are becoming independent and nature made it so you will hold the door open and help them pack their bags when it is time to leave!</p>
<p>"I really wish people wouldn’t stereotype teenagers like this. I never went through a self centered “phase”…</p>
<p>It’s your parenting, I am sorry to tell you. Get tougher and make sure your child knows they won’t get away with it.</p>
<p>Source? I am a 17 year old running a non profit where I educate parents of middle school aged children about the pressures of high school, as well as host seminars for 6th and 7th graders about the danger of peer pressure, substance abuse, and high school in general. "</p>
<p>If I didn’t know better I would say somebody is going through a phase now!</p>
<p>^^^ you are the exception to the rule. I am certain most of the parents here are reasonable tough on their kids and it can be kept in a bearable amount of check.</p>
<p>My daughter’s craziness emerged when she was in 6th grade. She had always been a cheerful kid, flexible and compliant. And then she looked me in the eye and said, “You know that good little girl I used to be? THAT GIRL IS GONE!”</p>
<p>The worst of it ended after about a year. She’s a lot mouthier than she used to be but definitely easier to deal with! But I read the “Get Out of My Life” book cover to cover at least 3 times! And I have given copies to several friends with teens of various ages.</p>
<p>@maiden
Just to be clear I was quoting a teenager on a previous page. I think it’s just a part of growing up and not the fault of the parents.</p>