Should I attend nephew's birthday party?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I do have a “kid” gift, Legos and an Artemis Fowl book. It’s something he always has loved, and still does. And they are gifts I’ve given him in the past and he would associated as “my” gifts. I’ve put them in a gift bag with a simple, cheery birthday card.</p>

<p>I will bring the memory box with the photo and the “deep” birthday card, where I write the dates of my father’s service and that I thought it would be appropriate for him to have this on this day as it is Veterans Day. I will try to give it to him in private or ask if I can put it in his room to open later. I don’t want to get into an emotional, tearful discussion on his birthday party day. And perhaps he may feel more comfortable asking my brother to tell him more stories of his grandfather, as my brother has maintained a relationship with the children since his twin’s death.</p>

<p>Since it has been so long since I’ve seen my nephew and my brother’s other children, and I suspect the mother will be remarrying, I’m afraid that I may not see them again. Surely, you can understand that that would be a fear of mine. I do not want to miss this opportunity to make this gesture to him of my father’s picture. His siblings are younger, and it would be lost on them, but at 16 years old, I think it would have some meaning to him. </p>

<p>But I do agree, it may not be an appropriate gift to give at a festive occasion, and I appreciate y’all opening my eyes to that. </p>

<p>Thank you again for all your comments, and please send good thoughts our way.</p>

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<p>why wouldn’t you see them again? YOU have to make the effort to see your brothers kid. I don’t care how difficult it might be, YOU have to try.</p>

<p>I’m speaking from experience here as my nephew of my deceased brother has moved to another country with his mother…yet our family makes the effort and we get to see him twice a year. It’s up to you to make the effort…</p>

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<p>Legos?
:confused:</p>

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<p>"Since it has been so long since I’ve seen my nephew and my brother’s other children, and I suspect the mother will be remarrying, I’m afraid that I may not see them again. Surely, you can understand that that would be a fear of mine. "</p>

<p>No, actually I don’t. If your SIL reached out with the olive branch to invite you to the kid’s 16th bday, why would you then assume she’d never let you see them again?</p>

<p>But more to the point, you were seriously considering not going, until we all piled on, so you might want to think about who withholds from whom. Nothing has prevented you from calling your nephew and inviting him to dinner, a baseball game, etc over the past few years. It seems like you get mad at SIL for not inviting you into her son’s life – which may be a valid charge – but that you’re not proactively doing anything to reach out. Unless there is major backstory here.</p>

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<p>" And perhaps he may feel more comfortable asking my brother to tell him more stories of his grandfather, as my brother has maintained a relationship with the children since his twin’s death."</p>

<p>If your brother has maintained relationships, what makes you think you won’t be able to – what is behind the fear of never seeing nephew again?</p>

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<p>I hope that the party is going well, for all of you.</p>

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<p>EK–you have girls. My son used to go to sleep with Lego characters clutched in his fist. We spent hours building Lego structures and then my son spent more hours changing the Lego guys’ epaulettes, hair etc. We have kept every bit of his Legos, though he is 24. We think he’ll love to enjoy them again someday with his kids, if he has some. I still buy him Lego pirates.</p>

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<p>Yah, we had Legos but we never bought all the elaborate sets that came out. They did have play mobile, but we put them away after middle school.
When my youngest was in elementary, she wrote a story that her teacher then illustrated with photos of the playmobile diorama she made. Something about sharks and haunters.( ghosts) Pirates were also involved. ;)</p>

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<p>Looking forward to hearing about the party. Hope the birthday cake was delicious!</p>

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<p>Best of luck, montegut</p>

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<p>Also looking forward to hearing about the celebration. I’m sure it meant a lot to your nephew to have you there.</p>

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<p>Hope it’s a nice visit, montegut. </p>

<p>bethievt, Your son was ahead of his time. Collecting the Lego “mini figures” are a very big thing with younger kids right now. You can buy a bag of figures at Toys R Us or elsewhere for just a few dollars, not knowing what you’ll get or the kids hunt down the rare ones to add to their collection online or trade with friends. They come in the big sets too, of course. </p>

<p>They make Lego geared to older teens and adults - some are motorized or computerized and some are elaborate 3D structures.</p>

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<p>Inquiring minds want to know! How did it go, Montegut? Did you feel better about the olive branch and did you enjoy catching up with your nephew?</p>

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<p>Very nice visit with the family. I gave my nephew the wrapped box and asked him to go put it in his room and open later, which he was happy to do. I put the kid gift with the others, which was opened with the other gifts, mostly money and scratch and sniff cards. The house was filled with his football team, family, and friends. He actually spent a lot of time talking to my sister and myself and my sister’s son and his wife, which we were surprised and touched by, since he did have a ton of friends over. They were all watching the non stop Sunday football games. His sister also spent a long time talking with us, which was so nice, because last time we saw her, she was very much into hanging out with her friends in her room. As an eighth grader, we really were shocked to take the time for us. The youngest, who is now eight, was the first we saw, and thinking he would not remember me, I said, Hi, X, it’s Aunt Y. He said, I know, and ran up and hugged me. Oh, gosh, I’m crying now. The boyfriend was there, and I was introduced, but just by his name. Perhaps I made their relationship out to be more than it was. The gift was a car, though the nephew did not have the typical spoiled kid reaction to it. He was thankful, for sure, but it was not like he ignored his guests to swoon over the car. He in fact does not even have his license yet, which he is getting today, his actual birthday. I’ve heard what an outstanding football player he is, but he spent a lot of time talking about his classes, an amazing honor student with very advanced classes, and said that his college choice would be based on academics not athletics. His sister said they do their homework together, and he is a great help to her in math. The SIL did come out to spend a good amount of time with us at the end of the evening, catching up on the nieces and nephews and what the kids are into. We thanked her very much for inviting us and that we hoped we would see them again. So, hopefully, we will see more of them. </p>

<p>My son, who I called after the night, told me he wants to come home for Thanksgiving and skip the rivalry football game, and that he wants to see his cousins and their wives and children and his aunts and uncles over the holiday as well. He has not been home since August, having missed fall break, and wants as much time at home as possible.</p>

<p>Thank you for all your input and hope you all have a blessed upcoming holiday season.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the happy update! Very glad this worked out so well for you.</p>

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<p>Happy to hear it went so well!</p>

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<p>Montegut, it sounds wonderful and I am so glad for you that it went well!</p>

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<p>Yes, what a great ending to the story!</p>

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<p>Very happy it went so well for you!</p>

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<p>Glad to hear that things went well.</p>

<p>And, if at a later date, an engagement is announced, remind yourself that humans are social people and we shouldn’t want anyone to remain alone…especially when we aren’t living alone. </p>

<p>:)</p>