<p>Havent read this whole thread, so apologies if its been suggested, but why not see if the ex will take the family dog? Then it stays in the family and the kids can see the dog when seeing their dad?</p>
<p>I have also not understood the concept of banishing dogs outside all the time. They are pack animals and NEED the companionship of their “people pack.” </p>
<p>We just adopted Saturday a 4 year-old Westie boy dog from a friend co-worker who wasn’t able/willing to keep the dog. They have a newborn child, another dog, a husband who travels, and they weren’t able to care for the dog doing things like exercising it etc. They did take care of the dog…it wasn’t mistreated…but it was too much for the other family keeping the dog. The new dog has adapted well to our family and is doing great. We were concerned the dog would be homesick and cry at night…hasn’t cried and is adjusting super and he is a welcome addition to our family. We have a 3 year-old Chihuahua too, and the two dogs get along fine.</p>
<p>Not a slap at previous owner, but the dog doesn’t seem to miss them at all! If someone can’t take care of their pet, don’t feel guilty placing animal with another family that will love dog at least as much as you do. </p>
<p>Part of my growing up years was in a place where people liked to drop off their dogs. Sometimes we found them after they’d been hit by cars That is inhumane. On the other hand, this poster is thinking of giving her dog to a family where the dog’s best doggie friend lives. Where the dog has been shown to be happy. </p>
<p>The adult child in London probably will not be as good of quality of life for the dog if she has a career all day as well, but she is family and I would say it’s her right to do so. </p>
<p>OP, I feel for your dilemma. No one can make this decision but you. Many aspects have been discussed. You are not a bad person if you carefully place the dog with loving new owners. This may be the most loving thing to do. </p>
<p>My one thought to add is, you might want to consider waiting until this fall when your last child goes off to college. The house will be very empty. Maybe it will be a relief, but maybe you will be glad of a warm furry companion. </p>
<p>My youngest leaves for college this fall and I know I’m not thinking straight at all. The change will be a shock to my system. I know it would be wrong for me to make any big decisions in this state.</p>
<p>Can you hang in there a couple of months and see how you feel in, say, October?</p>
<p>@fallenchemist, thank you for your insights. I do agree that life presents us with challenging situations. While Stan is not presently left alone “all day”, @GoldenPooch, he is facing this in the fall when my last child leaves for college, which is why I am trying to resolve the matter before Stan is left while I work. </p>
<p>@jym626 I wish the ex would take the dog. He has said he does not want a male dog, believe it or not. </p>
<p>On the topic of several who have said they NEVER forgave a parent who gave away the family dog, I have asked some friends about this and they do confirm this seems to be one of the unforgivables of parenting. As I never blamed my parents for rehoming our dogs when we left our ranch, I am having a hard time understanding the lack of forgiveness issue. Can anyone elucidate? </p>
<p>To me, it seems to be the people who’s parents did it behind their back that are still upset. It is a form of betrayal it is done secretly. You are not doing that. You are trying to be considerate to all involved including the dog. I give you a lot of credit for it. This is not an easy decision. I, too wonder like Calla if you might want to see how you feel in the fall but that is because I wouldn’t like to be home alone. Best of luck with everything.</p>
<p>I agree with @calla1 and @Onward that an immediate decision is not a good idea. This evening, it is just Stan and me and all this silence as youngest DD is at her university orientation. Instead of feeling comforted with him sitting by my feet, I feel anxious that I have to be somewhere Saturday evening and he will be alone. As a relatively new Dog Mom (1.6 years), I don’t know how much of this is my maternal guilt and how much is based on the fact that dogs should not be left alone. </p>
<p>Dogs can be left alone for an evening, and even for a day. Long hours every day are a different issue and a definite factor.</p>
<p>A corgi clearly BELONGS in London! Is there a quarantine process for bringing dogs into the UK?</p>
<p>I can give you my personal take on why someone would never forgive a person for giving away the family dog. Since this thread has gotten so heated in the past, let me say that this is my _personal _ view - I understand not everyone feels like this, but you asked for a possible reason, so here it goes.</p>
<p>Disclaimer: I have never had a pet given away. But I can tell you I would have never forgiven that. I see pets as family, not “furry family” not the lighthearted use of the world family (like, oh, my coworkers are like family), but family family. I saw my dog growing up as my brother. In fact, when people would ask me about siblings, I would list him - I didn’t even realize some people thought it was weird until I got older and realized not everyone feels that way. When we moved here from another country with very little money and were saving up to bring the dog over, trying to find housing that would allow dogs, I would refuse pretty much any ‘extras’ (sweets, etc.) to save money, and I was pretty young, and I have never been frugal, but bringing the dog over was all that mattered. We did bring him over, by the way.</p>
<p>Now that I am older, I still feel the same way. My animals are family. I miss them during the holidays, if I go away. I am happy when I do get to be with them during special times - I want them there during special moments in my life. Their needs are always on my mind - who would take care of them if something were to happen to me, where would the money come from, etc. </p>
<p>Again, this is how <em>I</em> feel. As I said, I don’t know your daughters (although you do mention the younger one feels that he got her through some tough times - that’s a bond that’s not easily broken), but maybe she feels the same way. I certainly know other people, even coworkers (so not someone from the same social circle or with the same interests or anything) who feel the same way. That’s why people may never forgive something like that. Imagine someone sending away one of your human family members. Even if you weren’t the prime caretaker and didn’t get a say, imagine the feeling. That’s how some people feel about their animals. And I disagree that this would only be the case if a pet was given away in secret.</p>
<p>As far as leaving dogs alone, I think it greatly depends on the dog. My dog was going to be put down literally the next day at the pound, which is why I took him on as a foster. I thought there was no way I could have a dog with being gone so much for work. But, the volunteers looked for a place for him for a long time while I was fostering, and literally no one was interested - it was a kennel (with little chance of getting out), death row, or my house, and he is an amazing dog. He stayed with me. Yes, I am gone from home a lot. He has the run of the apartment, and he is a huge couch potato inside (outside, he is active). He is not depressed or anxious when I go to work (and believe me, I have seen anxious - he does have some abandonment issues in certain situations, never when I go to work or leave the house for a movie or something). Even when I am home, he mostly just likes to lounge around, snuggled up next to me.</p>
<p>I have a friend in a similar situation - he works quite a bit, and his dog is active and young, but she is the happiest dog I know. When he IS at home, he spends ALL his time with her, cuddling her, petting her, playing with her. He takes her outside a lot, exercises her. I truly believe he is an AMAZING home for her, and his long hours at work or him going out on a Friday or Saturday or going on a day trip does not mean his dog is not happy or well-adjusted. Is it an IDEAL situation? Maybe not, but he has made an absolutely amazing home for her that I think few people (even people who spend more time at home) could match. I think love and care do make a difference. He loves her so much - she is his family, and she knows it. You can tell just how much they love each other. And he would do anything for her as far as medical care, food, etc. So, no I don’t think it’s fair to say that anyone who works is a bad home for a dog.</p>
<p>P.S. Yes, I am pretty sure there is a quarantine period in the UK. However, I don’t think that’s the end of the world in the long run, if the dog is going to a loving home. I think if that strong love for the dog is there, that’s the ideal situation for the dog - he should be with the daughter.</p>
<p>There is no quarantine required for a dog entering the UK from the USA. Tell your daughter to put up or shut up. Not that I think her taking him is the best solution, but if she wants him, perhaps she should get first dibs.</p>
<p>No flames from me, but the UK regulations about pets are very strict. That’s one reason we didn’t move to London when DH was offered a job there a few years ago. You will have to have your dog microchipped here, tested for rabies, and then, when the test comes back negative, have him in home quarantine for 6 months (no being around other dogs, not even on walks), then ship him to London OR ship him after the rabies testing and have him quarantined in a kennel there for 6 months. Oh, and you get to pay for all this. No, thanks.</p>
<p>If you cannot find a way to keep him (and really, I can’t imagine the decision you are facing–I get choked up even thinking about such a thing), then you and he will be much better off finding him a home with a family nearby.</p>
<p>One thing I have learned in this thread is the “Ignore” button under each person’s profile. If you don’t want to see someone’s comments…magic! </p>
<p>Also I would add that the OP should take into consideration the effects of giving the dog away (if that is her choice) on the relationship with London Daughter. I would make sure she is part of the solution if possible.</p>
<p>@Massmom Aparently they have relaxed those rules quite a bit for pets coming from low rabies countries, such as the USA:</p>
<p><a href=“England Pet Passport - Current Dog and Cat Import Requirements”>http://www.pettravel.com/immigration/England.cfm</a></p>
<p>There doesn’t seem to be any quarantine involved if the steps are taken in the proper order. At least, that’s what this web site indicates.</p>
<p>I will say that my 4 year old, very active dog sleeps most of the day and does fine with me working. He gets long walks and lots of play when we are home. He sleeps when it is boring and is ready to go when we are doing something interesting.</p>
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<p>Farm people have a different perspective then suburban or city families. My grandparents had farms. They raised livestock for food. Horses were work animals. Cats were mousers and dogs were for hunting. They did also have dogs for pets, but didn’t consider animals part of the family. If a situation arose that changed their ability to properly care for an animal, they would have found it a good home. </p>
<p>People adopt rescue dogs all the time and most of the rescues I’ve encountered are healthy and happy, so there’s no reason your dog won’t be happy with a new family. If the prospect of caring for him on your own is too stressful, I would hand the decision to those of your adult children who want you to keep him. If THEY don’t have the time, money, or space to care for him, they shouldn’t blame you for not being able to do it either. </p>
<p>However, if it’s too stressful because you need financial help and you’re worried about leaving him home for a few hours at a time, ask your children to help cover boarding costs and go pick up some books by Cesar Millan. The Dog Whisperer can teach you a lot about what a pet needs. You may find that what you assume a dog needs and what he actually does need are different. Good luck with your decision.</p>
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<p>My dad gave away a dog that was not a very good hunting dog when I was about 12. He did it without telling me. He had 2 dogs (always), there was no reason he couldn’t have kept this one and hunted with the other. This one was my favorite, a wonderful tri-color setter that he had let me name and who was very much my companion. He was a very sweet dog who loved to cuddle and was great company for an introverted kid like me. I came home one day and he was just gone. Actually, I was never truly sure my dad had given him away and not done away with him somehow… I never saw the dog again. Broke my heart. Still feels that way when I think about it now.</p>
<p>Note, though, that I am not saying you should not find your dog a new home. Give your kids a chance to step up and help with expenses and/or care. See how you feel in the fall. Stan may not mind being alone during the day as long as he gets some exercise sometime during the day and some petting time at night. But if it really isn’t working out after trying those things, then place him somewhere that is better for him. Just be transparent, and offer your kids a chance to be part of the solution to the problems of continuing to have Stan in your family.</p>
<p>I think that involving your kids in the decision and giving them the opportunity to help finance/provide care will go a long way towards ensuring that your kids don’t resent you over this. For those of us who don’t trust our parents on the issue, or who haven’t forgiven them, it is usually because the parents took unilateral action and/or lied about it.</p>
<p>I also think you should wait until the nest really is empty before making this decision. See how you and the dog adapt. Especially for a smallish adult dog, he <em>may</em> be happy with a walk in the morning and the evening, and the run of the house during the day, and more outings on weekends. Or you could hire someone to walk him midday–if your kids would chip in to pay for it. But to be honest, when we were both working, H and I have never gotten a dog unless one of us worked locally and was available to walk them midday. (And in that case, we eventually got a fairly large fenced run with dog house, also.)</p>
<p>I have to say that whenever I see one of those cases where people say they are giving away their dog–usually a lab, it seems–because he needs “room to run” I know what it really means is that no one can be bothered to train and walk the dog. The idea that you can just throw a dog out in the yard and he will exercise himself is nonsense.</p>
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<p>I agree.</p>
<p>From what I have read (and I’m no expert), the most valuable exercise a dog can get is the walk with his owner, because it provides not only exercise, but opportunities for teaching/training/ bonding/mental stimulation.</p>