<p>I’m wondering whether your kids are going to get invitations to the wedding, zm? Surely your sister/niece would not be so rude as to invite your D to the shower (only one D?) but not the wedding?</p>
<p>Recovering Catholic here. I remember many ceremonies with incense being sprayed out of that shaker thing as the priest walked up and down the aisle. But I think this is done less often now?</p>
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I have no idea. Totally flabbergasted because my sister called earlier to tell me that the invitations to the shower had been mailed out. Earlier, she explained why she wasn’t inviting any of my kids. (Which was fine with them, they have no patience with my niece.) I’m wondering if they meant to send the shower invitation to me but sent it to my D instead because we have similar first names starting with the same letter and the person hosting the shower doesn’t know either of us.</p>
<p>Zooser–
The rudeness of both your sister and your niece toward you and your family just keeps climbing higher and higher over the top. I am so incensed on your behalf that the big question in my mind is now which one of them to slap first as opposed to whether or not you should attend the festivities of such deserving slapees.</p>
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I love that! It’s exactly the way that I speak.</p>
<p>First of all, I am Jewish. But I have been to two Catholic weddings. (Ok, one was half Jewish and half Catholic but in a church.) One was in Montecieto, one in Orange county. Both had incense. </p>
<p>After sending regrets for an event and questioned as to why:</p>
<p>What a lovely venue…(I won’t go there) deflection</p>
<p>I belong to a cult that believes that showers will bring bad luck to the bride.‘’ theater of the absurd</p>
<p>I would love to come but I can’t think of a gift that is worthy of you.</p>
<p>I want to come but due to the weather I need to wear sandals but I have highly contagious foot fungus. (totally nonsensical, but the bride will hear foot fungus.)</p>
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THis is priceless. I could do so much with this.</p>
<p>Zoosermom,
Does the D that got the shower invite live with you? If she has her own address it is hard to imagine that they sent it to her by accident.</p>
<p>I’d have my D decline the shower invite. And I’d decline myself.</p>
<p>As to the incense, I’m Catholic, most of my family is Catholic…no incense at any weddings. Funerals, yes, but not weddings. Call the parish secretary and ask, if she doesn’t know the wedding co-ordinator will know.
I’d only attend the wedding as a helper if your mother wants to go. Hopefully to the ceremony only. If your mother doesn’t want to go, I’d decline the whole mess, there are better ways to spend your time.</p>
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She does live with me.</p>
<p>Hmmm. I don’t know what to make of that but maybe you could ask your sister if it was intended for you? Very confusing.</p>
<p>‘I’m wondering if they meant to send the shower invitation to me but sent it to my D instead because we have similar first names starting with the same letter and the person hosting the shower doesn’t know either of us.’</p>
<p>If you were the only one to be invited from your address, how would the person writing the invitations get your DD’s name? </p>
<p>Did your mother get her invitation?</p>
<p>DougBetsy’s response the wedding invitation is priceless and spot-on.</p>
<p>My mother died two years ago. I would give anything to have her at my daughter’s bridal shower - wheelchair, oxygen tank, who cares? These are the coldest, most self-centered people I can imagine. I also cannot fathom how your sister could tell you to tell your mom that she is invited but not welcome. REALLY? In other words, we don’t want to see you, but please send a gift? </p>
<p>Do not go. Not to the wedding, not to the shower. Why would you want to buy a gift for someone who you don’t know well enough to have her address, her phone number, or even know what company she works for?</p>
<p>This is all beyond the pale. No, no and no. And if you really feel obligated to send a gift, make a donation to a charity in honor of the bride and groom. Preferably a charity that involves older people, wheelchairs and oxygen tanks.</p>
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Good point. I’m obviously grasping here. Can’t comprehend me getting a “save the date” card and D not getting one, while D got a shower invitation and I didn’t. I’m very confused.</p>
<p>Don’t be confused: This is a gift grab: Often people bring a shower/wedding gift to the shower. This equals ONE gift…that’s it…one. But, if you are invited to the shower (and not the wedding) one has to bring a shower gift. </p>
<p>Ergo, you and your daughter have given TWO gifts. And that is a BINGO!</p>
<p>Add to that Grandma (who won’t be eating at the reception) who is so grateful for an invitation she will give a nice wedding gift…and that, because you have paid for one meal (shower), two invitations, is the ultimate bingo.</p>
<p>Send me a pm if anyone wants to know of good charities that help folks with emphysema, particularly those of us who use supplemental O2! We could definitely use all the funding we can get as the federal government does NOT even have a national plan for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), which includes emphysema and chronic bronchitis and we are doing the best we can in spite of this to help folks with breathing challenges have fuller and more active lives.</p>
<p>I have never ever heard of someone being invited to a shower if they were not being invited to the wedding! WTH. </p>
<p>I’m sorry but this is absurd. I respect your desire to maintain a relationship with your sister but truly, you are being played. It’s time to call them on it. I would have all I could do to not pick up the phone and let her have it.</p>
<p>I have an idea. Play dumb. Call your sister and tell her how very delighted your D was to receive an invite to the shower because now she can start shopping for a lovely dress for the wedding!</p>
<p>I have some experience with this kind of manipulation and believe me, it catches then off guard when you best them at their game.</p>
<p>Actually: oneupmanship…When you fill out the response card for the wedding and ask how many guests? Fill in the whole family WITH meal perferances. Mr. and Mrs. Z with 3 kids…ALL want the prime rib and the swordfish.</p>
<p>I want to be there when they open that response card.</p>
<p>Actually, there is nothing to be gained by “playing” with folks as insensitive as niecezilla and your sister. I’d just politely decline & if you are so inclined, donate to a favorite charity–domestic violence shelter?</p>
<p>^^^^
It would give some level of satisfaction. And I think you do gain a little control over the situation when you play them at their own game.</p>
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<p>If Zoosermom would share the bride and groom’s name and address, I would would be VERY happy to send a donation in honor of their marriage.</p>
<p>I’ve been reading this thread in a state of appallment. I feel for Zmom trying to maintain a relationship with her sister while trying to remain sane. I’m not sure it can be done. I’m not sure WHAT I would do in her shoes.</p>
<p>My burning question: does the groom have ANY idea what’s he’s getting? His life will be h***.</p>