<p>zooser-I have followed the whole thread without commenting. I am glad that you have decided to attend the wedding, although with today’s “mail call,” I should have hit “reply” sooner. 
I would also be wracked with guilt to not attend a sister’s D’s wedding, so there you have it. The invitation snub is boorish, but I would go with or without your other D-her choice. You will (maybe) be able to sleep, and post-wedding choose to continue with these relationships on a regular basis or just phase them out. Take small comfort from the fact that you are not alone in these idiot, nut-job family situations. I wish you, your hard-working DH, your D’s and of course, the PBK, peace and harmony.</p>
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Oh that’s good. DD1 sent back her no within a half hour of the mail’s arrival. I may just do this.</p>
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Yes she was. I usually admit that DD2 is difficult, but she was very gracious that day. My sister called me the next day to complain about how much they hated her boyfriend.</p>
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I really needed to hear that. Thank you! I think I will end the relationships after the wedding. It’s their loss because my kids are really attractive and fun. D1 also has a good job and would have more than covered the plate for her and the boyfriend.</p>
<p>Aw, Zoos. I’m sorry you’re still dealing with this infantile garbage. But here’s the thing: it’s nothing you didn’t anticipate when you were making your initial decision. You want to support your sister on this big day (even though you realize she is part of the problem, and you want to continue to have a relationship with her) and you want to be there so your mom can attend (and it is her granddaughter.) Your D2 wouldn’t have been able to go even if she had gotten an invite so while the snub hurts, it reality it doesn’t change who would be sitting in the pew on the wedding day. </p>
<p>I’d say have D1 send her regrets and you go with your mom (were DH & PBK ever intending to go?) Smile & nod and give her the gift you would have given if she’d behaved like a decent human being. Doing anything less gives her the opportunity to say “see I told you Zoos and family were be-aches!”</p>
<p>I have a particular family member who is trying & I’ve learned over the years it is easier for me in the long run to bite my tongue and smile because if I don’t I hear about it forever. I’m not saying it’s right that your niece is behaving this way; it’s not. But karma has a way of coming back around. I’m sure your sister will be dealing with a lot of stuff with her D that day, and you taking the time to handle your mom and not add fuel to the fire will be appreciated, even if it’s not acknowledged. </p>
<p>Remember, you can come back here and share all your snarky inside thoughts with us after it’s over ;)</p>
<p>I am the exact opposite of momof3 – I would cut my losses and never look back. But, at this point, I am selfishly looking forward to the denouement.</p>
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Oh count on that! Love you guys!</p>
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<p>Wait. Shut up. Your sister called you the day after the BBQ to complain about how much they hated DD2’s boyfriend? Are you freaking kidding me? *** was that supposed to accomplish? Was there anything to really complain about? And she feels she can complain after what her D is doing to you and your mom? </p>
<p>I may need to retract my previous statement. Does your mom still want to go to the wedding? Do you still want a relationship with this sister when she refuses to chastise her D for acting like an absolute cad with regards to her grandmother, yet she feels the need to comment on a niece’s boyfriend who may or may not be out of the picture in the next month/year (not because of anything specific, but because it’s a 19 year olds boyfriend.) I think you need to take a deeper look at your relationship with your sister, Zoos. Whats the value add to your life to keep her in it?</p>
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Yes. He is a nice boy, whom I don’t know too well, but he is a CC-type achiever and a darn nice guy. He also happens to be a serious musician with long hair. Oh the horror!!!</p>
<p>But the whole thing keeps getting more interesting and, by the way, I’m crying here right now.</p>
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I hadn’t known that the wedding is at 1:30 pm and the reception is at 7:00. There is a very big distance between the two locations and my mother is not fully mobile. The cost to park in both areas is in the range of $50 on a Saturday but, money aside, my mother can’t handle this. What do we do with her for all those hours?</p>
<p>My brother (adult, wealthy, reasonable, sane) is the bride’s godfather and is the person with whom my mother lives (he is divorced and a darn nice guy) has been invited. I am waiting to see if he was invited with a guest. There is no question but that he can cover the plates because he makes them look like paupers, and my sister has already told my mother how much my brother is expected to give. My husband swears that if my brother is invited with a guest, we should bring D2 home from school for the weekend and have her show up as my brother’s guest.</p>
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I love that idea!</p>
<p>^^^^ lmao, I like the way your dh thinks!</p>
<p>I am sorry, however, that you are so torn about this.</p>
<p>Hey Zoosermom-- sending you a virtual hug of support, and a hope that you can keep your gracious attitude on THE day. While we are all appalled at some of the antics going on, I hope that you can find something to enjoy when you finally get to the wedding. </p>
<p>(By the way, I would go. The guilt would eat me alive if I didn’t. You can figure out what to do with the relationships after the big day.</p>
<p>Cheers!</p>
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<p>oops, just read your latest. Sorry to hear that this just keeps getting more complicated.</p>
<p>Wish we could help somehow…</p>
<p>I didn’t mean to make you cry Zoos. I’m sorry. This whole thing just sucks on toast. </p>
<p>You know, my dad was quite ill for my wedding. End stage emphysema. He made it to the ceremony, but just couldn’t handle the reception. Exhausting day both physically and emotionally for him. Can you see this happening to your mom? Perhaps a gracious way out would be to say that y’all (you, mom & your immediate family) will be attending the ceremony but due to the time, distance & physical state of your mom that you won’t be able to attend the reception. That way you don’t cancel & cost them the plate charge on the day of, you get to take part in what is supposed to be the most important part of the day, and the bride can enjoy the party without her vile feelings spilling over.</p>
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<p>I’m sorry Zoos, really…but are you still wondering where your niece got her poor behavior from? I’m sure she came to some of it all on her own, however it seems some was learned. This to me is the ultimate in low class.</p>
<p>^^^Yeah, that too. Really, I know how much I’d give to my niece & nephew when they get married. We’re in a place now where we can afford to be a little more generous. But I would really be p.o’d if someone else were counting my money. My reaction would be to give the minimum I could without being tacky i.e how much I’d give if it were a friends kids wedding. </p>
<p>Now may not be the time Zoos, but you’re going to have to make an appointment with yourself to really take a look at your sisters behavior & how you want to deal with her going forward. I’m certainly in agreement that your niece’s behavior is rude, but you don’t know how much of this is being manipulated by your sister.</p>
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That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I think the answer is that I don’t want a relationship after this. I feel that I ate poo by extending my hand in peace to go to that barbeque without having received an apology and got slapped in return.</p>
<p>Family weddings suck. By policy, I give generously and leave early (the cash value of time being wildly inflated as a result of adverse market conditions). I’ll always pay a few hundred extra to not waste an entire weekend day at some third rate event hall in NJ or Long Island. Because I am generous with the cash, no one really gets offended when I leave after the cocktail hour (in which I participate vigorously).</p>
<p>Additionally I am not interested in catching up with Aunt Ann, Uncle Bob or the cousins from PA. It should be a surprize to noone, it is the precise reason I never call, send Christmas cards, respond to emails, etc. Nothing personal, I just don’t care.</p>
<p>What RobD said. Your mom’s health gives you the perfect out. Go to the ceremony, give a nice gift, pass on the reception. Don’t let these people continue to beat up on you.</p>
<p>Update: so my brother, a professional man in his middle 50s was not invited with a guest. I am flabbergasted. He said that he’s giving a small cash gift and including the two parking receipts in the envelope.</p>
<p>Ok…different take here. The more I hear the more I want to scream: Are you kidding me?! Inviting one child and not the other? Guests paying for parking? Your mother aside, that length of time between ceremony and reception? Any person with challenges is going to have a tough time. And if one if an hour or two drive away either has to go home or rent a hotel room.</p>
<p>Let me be honest: When my kids get married they will send an invitation (by force) to their grandmother. By definition bil has to come to assist. We will not invite the sil, nor would she come. By omitting her name from an invitation my kids (and by definition we) are saying to my sil that her bigoted derriere isn’t wanted. It is harsh, and in our case is meant to be harsh. Calling my kids k<em>k</em>s and refusing to sit at a table with Jews is enough to refuse to include…but LONG hair?</p>
<p>Oh, and the only “plate” that I would cover? A cheap paper one.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, if you don’t want a relationship after this, then why go to the wedding? Why not just end the relationship now?</p>