<p>ZM: isn’t the wedding in NY?</p>
<p>Yep it is. Right there in the Central Park area.</p>
<p>…checking Southwest flight schedules from TN to NYC…;)</p>
<p>So your mother IS going to the reception now?</p>
<p>Ok. 554 posts and now I see the gorilla glue.</p>
<p>This older history is a critical point. All this talk didn’t show that before. Or, if I missed it before, sorry. It changes what’s “right” in the most intricate and complex ways. </p>
<p>It’s why I was the last person fending for my own grandmother who had filter issues and manipulative skills par excellance. (I was the one 5 hours by plane, while the other fam members were 90 minutes away.) But, at certain points, I had to draw the line- when it threatened to affect my daughters. In your case, perhaps there is a good lesson being imparted to D2- but please make sure you set limits in the future.</p>
<p>Time for me to come up and check on my dad’s house…</p>
<p>
That’s the current plan, but it could change up until the day of. She has good days and bad days, but the good days are only good by comparison. If she is unable to go, she won’t. But she does want to. She has the idea (which isn’t crazy) that this may be the last wedding she ever attends. My kids are a few years away from getting married. I hope.</p>
<p>
Thats a fair question. For the free food/drink maybe? ;)</p>
<p>Back to the bit where Sis bought the meaningful present that ZM wanted to give the niece (toxic and hateful beyond belief) -
A $300+ present (stand mixer) for a SHOWER? And a wedding gift is expected on top of that?!? Back in my mom’s day showers were where the bride was given tea towels and kitchen utensils! (I had a very small wedding and no shower. I see showers as present-begging, anyway). Many of you travel in very rich circles, I guess. Sheesh.</p>
<p>
Okay… Please understand that unless I missed something the LAST update we had was that mom wasn’t going (ceremony only) and that your brother would only go kicking and screaming (was there simply to help your mom). Can you understand the confusion then when you continued to discuss the reception? With mom not going and brother not wanting to go no one understood why you needed to go unless you wanted to be there yourself.</p>
<p>
Nah. It’s just because Mom really wants to try and go.</p>
<p>I am not convinced that she isn’t going with the intent to look for something to hang my niece on, though. But perhaps I’m paranoid. Probably I’m paranoid.</p>
<p>
Yes. Nice, right?</p>
<p>
Oh I can understand, but the whole point of the thread is that we’re all trying to decide what to do and it’s a totally fluid situation, you know?</p>
<p>I was joking, ZM. </p>
<p>In all honesty, though, I think its time to be firmer with mom. Given her fragile, day-by-day status, she will probably be whipped just from attending the wedding. Trying to hang out somewhere all day to try to make it to the reception at night (after her bedtime??) is going to be too much, and then sis will be ****ed that a plate or 2 of food is going uneaten. This on again-off-again planning for the reception is silly. Tell mom politely that you think it wil be too much for everyone to try to get to the reception, and she wont have anyone there to socialize with anyway, so again-- go out as a family afterwards if she even feels up to it. She is in denial about what she can handle. You need to bee the good, albeit firm daughter and let her know the wedding will be plenty.</p>
<p>ZM: What makes you think strangers won’t ask you how you know the bride/groom and inquire about the rest of the family? Unless you two look obviously related, they make think your brother is your spouse, and then you will have to explain. I know my husband is always someone who asks others to talk about themselves. 'Course the subject then never rolls around to him!</p>
<p>
No, I get that. I just missed the part where your mom was now attending the reception. This (at least in my eyes) answers why the reception is still on the table. I was just pointing out why people were still asking about it. We’re all trying to keep up. Obviously if your mom is a last minute decision and you all RSVP yes in the hopes that she will be able to attend, even if your mom can’t make it, you and your brother should try to make an appearance. I do get that.</p>
<p>jym- $250 per plate reception in the Central Park area- ha, I could drive there. </p>
<p>Our reception confusion, I suspect, includes the lag time and the idea that mom would rest in sis’s hotel room. “Totally fluid situation” isn’t what came through before. There’s a sea change today.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>For close family, at this point in my life, yes. There’s really only about 5 people in my life that I have/will do that for (my baby SIL, my niece, my nephews intended, my D’s.) If I go to a shower and it’s a friend, distant relative, etc. I try to find something on the registry in the $50 range.</p>
<p>
I’m sort of assuming that most of the other guests will know each other and many will be in their early 20s. I could definitely be wrong. You raise a good point. My mom could have a corsage, right? That might inspire questions.</p>
<p>lookingforward-
Did sister say mom could relax in her hotel room?? Wow! I musta missed that. That sounds far more generous than I would predict sister would be. I expect sister to feel mom would be in the way and be too needy if she stayed in the hotel room that afternoon. I dont get any feeling that sister is wanting to facilitate mom attending. </p>
<p>Given what zm explained above about the upbringing and her sister’s surrogate mom role, it seems most of sister’s anger is at mom. I really doubt she is going to be solicitous at this point, especially in the middle of her own daughter’s wedding.</p>
<p>I am starting to feel bad that I encouraged you in the “say yes to the dress” thread to update/reopen this thread. Hope its been more helpful than hurtful.</p>