<p>"Two families of DS’s suitmates, on two different occasions, took almost all suitemates to some expensive restaurants and likely spent 50-100 dollars per person and never asked any of them to pay. Another family took DS out for a three-day trip including all meals and a concert. When DS offered to pay, they only took 10 or 20 dollars from DS, just to make DS “feel comfortable”. I heard the ticket to the concert is several times more than that. "</p>
<p>Sounds entirely appropriate. Whether it was McDonald’s or the Ritz, I would never take my kids’ friends out and expect them to pay. </p>
<p>“Walking her safely home even if it means he walks back home twice the distance etc”</p>
<p>That is one of the things where I knew H was a keeper. When we were in college, if I was at the library studying late, he’d come over and get me and walk me home safely. </p>
<p>I give 100% of my income to the “partnership” DH and I have forged. He does as well. However, he makes multiples more than I do. We could never divide household costs “equally” because I could never afford to pay half. We are no less a partnership because I cannot match him dollar for dollar. Marriage as a partnership is so much more than finances.</p>
<p><<<
Years ago, I had plans to meet some female friends for breakfast at a local restaurant that was known for great and modestly priced breakfasts. My dad was in town so they invited him. He picked up the tab. They didn’t expect him to, but that is the kind of man my dad was raised to be and he wanted to.
<<<</p>
<p>I think that sort of thing happens when an older (not poor) person is at the dinner. H or I always pick up the tab when our kids, their friends, or younger people are at the meal. That was modeled to us by our parents, so we follow suit. </p>
<p>I don’t think I could have some younger person pay.</p>
<p>In family gatherings, only members of the oldest generation are allowed to vie for the honor of paying the entire tab and younger generation folks like yours truly risk being scolded for joining in. Especially if he won as was the case with yours truly. :D</p>
<p>Incidentally, some things which are considered standard etiquette such as bringing food/desserts/wine to a family gathering would get one scolded as it implied the host wasn’t doing enough of a good job. Learned that the hard way when I brought over a large cheesecake one Thanksgiving. :)</p>
<p>Incidentally, one of the FB friends expressed his frustration with what he perceived as a “double standard” when he recounted a date with someone who he has known for years as a friend and dated previously some years back when his economic condition was far better. Back then, he would pick up the tab and she happily agreed.</p>
<p>However, now when they went on a date and he mentioned his much straitened economic circumstances and she agreed to pick up the tab, she spent most of the date giving him grief about it and in the process, forgetting the past dates when he did treat her out to some pretty expensive venues…sometimes a few hundred bucks per person nearly a decade ago. </p>
<p>It seemed other participants in this discussion…including women have chimed in to commiserate with him as they all encountered/had roommates who took advantage of the idea that “men always pays”. A couple of the women were particularly incensed about recounting having roommates who were open and proud about taking advantage on this basis. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>In many places, yes. </p>
<p>However, with my extended family, if one’s a guest or a member of the younger generation, bringing something would be construed as encroaching on the host family’s role so it wouldn’t be taken as kindly. They’d rather guests bring themselves and enjoy what the host family puts forth. </p>
<p>Cobrat, a lot of Asian don’t like cheesecake. I once made it an serve to an Asian lady who came and visited my mom. The minute I went away, she threw in the trash. I don’t make cheese cake anymore. Too rich.</p>
<p>It wasn’t about what I brought…especially considering the entire family does like cheesecake or else I wouldn’t have brought it. </p>
<p>It was mainly the fact that as a guest and younger member of the family, I wasn’t supposed to bring anything as it was felt to encroach on the host family’s role in being good hosts. </p>
<p>I don’t like my sister bring anything any ways. She’s older and I’m the youngest. She bought more junk food and I threw them away after she left. I told her not to bring them but she felt obliged. Junk food like canned lobster bisque soup from Costco.</p>
<p>When you invite someone to your home for dinner you don’t make them buy groceries on the way, do you? Of course not, because you’re the host. If someone invites another person out, they’re the host and should pay. The guest has duties too. A guest who’s invited out to dinner should order from the middle or lower middle of the menu and reciprocate in some way (maybe offer to make dinner if s/he can’t afford to go out to eat). Either can ask for subsequent dates. As the relationship progresses, they can take turns: maybe one will leave the tip if the other’s paying for dinner or will buy drinks and snacks if the other buys the movie tickets, but there should be some give and take on both sides. There’s nothing wrong with doing inexpensive (or free) activities when it’s your turn to host. When my husband and I first started dating he was earning more than I was, so he took me to dinner and the movies; I was still in college and didn’t have a lot of money, so I made picnic lunches and planned hikes in the mountains. He felt like he should pay when we went on dates, but I wanted to be independent. We compromised so we both felt comfortable, and it worked well for us.</p>
<p>lol…and how does he “go dutch”? Does he ask the server for separate checks? Awkward. I think if a guy ever did that, the girl should just grab both checks, pay them, and walk out. </p>
<p>Nrdsb4-H and I split DATES equally, in our actual married lives we do have have equal incomes. But what we contribute, both in money and household duties is divided according to what works for us), rather than being controlled by rules about who is the “provider” and the “protector”, in case I didn’t make that clear.</p>