@ahl said:
Wow! You certainly ARE old fashioned, but I love that! I’m going to do that the next time I have a dinner party.
I do want the wait staff to check after food is delivered just in case we want additional condiment, issue with the food, or additional drinks. At most restaurants they do leave you alone until it is time to clear the plates. My pet peeve is if they don’t take my drink order before asking about my food order.
I feel like Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof:
She’s right. As the Good Book says, if you spit in the air, it lands in your face.
Hmmm, good point. She’s right.
Innocent bystander: “Nrdsb4, she’s right and she’s right? (wags finger) They can’t both be right.”
You know, you are also right!
I know I’m the worst offender, I pretty much only ever drink water and I’m like a camel after a long journey through the desert.
@eyemamom Me, too. I like when restaurants leave a carafe of water on the table. Obviously not for the fanciest places but it works for me elsewhere.
I too was taught to never touch the plates while dining out. So, I never stack or pass the dirty dishes to the server. It also annoys me when the server tries to hand my plate to me. I just move my silverware so that they can place the plate in front of me.
What annoys me is when there are tables around us where the diners are gone and dirty dishes are left on the table. That’s gross.
Ex-waiter here. I stack if I want them out of my way, maybe occasionally to be helpful.
That said, when I was a waiter I was totally fine with people stacking. I didn’t have a “method”, so it was fine.
The server likely has been instructed by a manager or owner how often to approach the table and what to say. So don’t assume that practices you don’t like arise from the individual server; it’s very possible they’re the house style.
A somewhat related question. Is it okay to hand your dirty plate to the server? I’ve been seated where my spot is a long reach, so the server motions for me to hand over my dirty plate so they don’t have to come around (or in a booth, lean over). I do it, but it seems crass. But then again, I never stack the plates.
It really irritates me when staff bring the check while you are still eating. While it doesn’t happen all that often it does happen and I am always startled by that practice. What is the purpose of this except to turn the table on their terms? I am not a big dessert person so often will enjoy another glass of wine after dinner or in a high end restaurant I might want to order a glass of champagne instead of dessert. If they have already brought the check you feel like it is a message they want the table. Or that you took too long to eat so now “times up.” I won’t return to establishments that do this. I like to linger a bit after dinner, sip some wine and converse.
My H just ignores them when they bring a check while we are eating. He just orders whatever else we want and let’s them go to the trouble of opening up the check again. Just pretends the check isn’t there. When I am out with my girlfriends we find that awkward so if it happens we pay and go someplace else for after dinner drinks/dessert. I think it is the hallmark of a second rate restaurant to rush dinner guests out in that manner.
It annoys me more when I wait…and wait…and wait…for my check…and have to flag some other waiter down to find mine. Sometimes…and even at higher he places…I’ve had to wait a long time for my check. That’s annoying.
Re: passing plates to a waiter. I’d rather do that than have them reach over a table. Some restaurants just aren’t laid out very well in terms of table access.
@HarvestMoon1 I like the European model for that reason. They don’t rush you out to turnover the table. And in most places they don’t expect a tip which I’m sure has a lot to do with the different approach.
Yikes, I’m glad I am not waiting tables now, knowing there are so many people with pet peeves about things. I just want to help the waitperson and follow their lead…happy to pass plates, get the bill early, whatever. However, I travel all the time and don’t do fine dining. I’m picky…omit this, substitute that, on the side. I figure if they will accommodate me, I’ll accommodate them.
However…I am not thrilled when a waiter sits down beside me to have a chat (maybe he thinks I’m lonely by myself)? I’m not. It’s creepy. I’d prefer to pour my own wine after the first glass, because maybe I just want half, or aren’t sure if I want any. And I admit to being annoyed when I get slow service and I’m the only one there, because the waitress is on her iPhone. It’s easy to neglect single middle aged women, I get it. But I’m your only table. So I guess I have some pet peeves of my own.
We’ve only once encountered a waiter who sat himself down at our table when reciting the day’s specials. Bad form.
It seems to happen to me a lot. Particularly when I’m by myself (which is quite often). I think some people feel sorry for people who are dining alone, but it is quite a pleasure for me. I may be dining alone, but I enjoy the break of not having to talk to people, and I’m getting PAID to be there, so it is not depressing, it is a happy thing for me. Leave me alone! I’m comfortable having a brief, casual conversation, but I if I don’t know you, I do not want you to join me. Especially if you’re a dude. 
Bottom line for me at a restaurant is you’re there to relax and have a good meal. Do whatever makes you comfortable and happy and don’t worry about perceived etiquette rules for minor things.
If you want the waiter to whisk your empty plate away while others are still eating, then signal the waiter and have him take your plate. If you don’t want him to take your plate, then don’t let him take your plate. If it makes you comfortable to stack the dishes, then stack the dishes. Or don’t if you don’t care. If you want to pour your own wine, tell the waiter.
Relax and enjoy yourself and your company and don’t sweat the small stuff. God knows there’s enough other things to worry about…
Calicash, I have totally enjoyed this thread. Thank you for creating this thread!
It has made for a good read on a snowy day.
I really like reading about others thoughts and preferences.
I don’t love it when a waitperson needs a plate lifted and handed to them nor when
they need to hand me a plate. I am very tolerant though as I am often seated in the furthest
corner as I can hear better with the voices coming towards me.
Not to divert the topic but anyone who has been a dinner guest at our house quickly learns that
we do not clear the dishes after dinner. Typically I will put the perishables away while guest move to
the great room couch where we have dessert and coffee/drinks. I dislike the hubbub and the noise
of the dishes. H and I have our system and can have the kitchen spotless in one hour even with a
large group. So no, hate it when a plate is removed while another guest is eating in a restaurant.
My D and I were both waitstaff in our early 20’s. We are both opinionated and also very tolerant as
long as the server is showing good effort. We also have strong opinions about people who undertip…
such as H…he has has many lectures on the way home. We have reached a silent agreement that I
will leave cash to fill his tip out.
We live in Asia and have for a long time, the table waiting customs still take us by surprise. If you get a set meal served on a tray, there’s an expectation that if you’ve spread out a bit beyond the tray while eating that you will tidy it all up back onto the tray when you are done. The tray is NEVER collected until you leave the table. Depending on the restaurant, you might get your check right when your food is served, rolled up and tucked into a cylinder on the table or flipped over on a little clipboard. Or you get no check and it’s waiting for you at the checkout counter. What’s important here is not to disturb the waiting tables sequence or they get flummoxed and look at you like you are insane.
On the topic of rushing you out of the restaurant… I’ve never seen this before, but several restaurants we’ve been to in Dublin have a posted two-hour rule that reads something to the effect that you are welcome to enjoy your meal for two hours then you are expected to leave as the table will be “required.” Before being seated at one casual restaurant, we were told that we would have the table for one hour and then the table would be “required” for the later evening service and “would that be sufficient?” Wow. Would never fly in the U.S.
Like @oregon101, we entertain leisurely (a lot) and also have a method of ensuring a spotless house quickly post guests. I never want to leave my guests or “work” while we are enjoying each other. For big-deal dinners, we do fancy name cards and menus, usually with the dessert recipe on the back as a take-home souvenir, but mostly just for us to keep in our entertainment/holiday-meal scrapbook so we know what we served to who and when.