<p>I can't believe how much my life has fallen apart: looking forward, things seem so easy- looking back, I can't believe my stupidity in some of the choices I've made.</p>
<p>I've always been told I was IL material. I'm considered "highly gifted", and I remember times in elementary school where my teachers would discuss my "abilities" with my parents. I would finish the textbooks the week they were handed in and write novels in my spare time. I could, and would, do anything I set my mind to- I was super competitive with myself.
Fast forward several years; our house flooded and my family had to split up for 18 months. Needless to say, my life was in turmoil. While 7 of 10 of us lived in a remote location, the other 3 (my older brother, father, and myself) lived with my grandparents. We commuted to our respective school/work areas every day; I was in sixth grade and travelling to a magnet program. Being a hyper sensitive and anxiety-prone person, I was stressed; 2+ hours of driving every day and waiting several more hours in front of school for my father left me lonely and bored. I quickly delved deeply into depression that existed since childhood. It now became my solace. I tried everything known to mankind to escape- use your imagination. After several encounters with the dark side of humanity, I decided I was worthless and purposeless; my father (a strict and somewhat abusive person) only put salt on my wounds.
For the next two years, I continued on this path. I ended middle school practically friendless and without hope for much at all. I half-heartedly started a rigorous set of courses (I was taking a schedule of 10th grade level classes- AP Bio/AP World/AP English, etc), but due to my personal problems, this really became the straw that broke my back. I could no longer hide my disordered eating, ditching class (for above implied reasons), and severe depression. I left school and eventually transferred into an inpatient neuropsychiatric care program. This program became the spring semester of my freshman year.
The following fall wasn't much better. I tried to start afresh, but my problems weren't solved- they were worse, covered by the thin facade recovery programs give you. I restarted at my local school with another rigorous courseload- and started out very well. I was a shining star, always the perfectionist. Of course, I wouldn't be continuing if something hadn't happened next. I ran away from home, my counselor recommended I drop my straight As and I lived away from home. For the spring semester I took online courses and recieved A's, but they weren't particularly rigorous (as one semester classes generally fail to be) and I felt bored and unsatisfied. I decided to emancipate myself, and through hard work and determination, I fulfilled all but one of the requirements- parental consent. My hopes for a better <em>something</em> had been dashed. I continues to look for some solution, and found that I might be able to move down to my aunt's place of residence and go to school there. Even then, I don't know what to do. I'm not remotely a traditional student- I know my heart is in this, and I know I would thrive in a college atmosphere. Yet my credits just barely make the cut for the next grade level and I don't know where I stand with colleges.
I'm scared to death, to say the least.</p>