<p>I know two people who have lost children to suicide. I cannot imagine a worse event in the human experience than that of a parent losing a child in this manner. You have my sincere condolences for your loss. I hope you do find some help and can come back to let us know how you are doing. Sounds like you have been given some great advice. I think this will be a long journey of sorts for you and hope that someday, if not finding acceptance, you can at least make peace with your loss.</p>
<p>I have no words. I am so sorry.</p>
<p>I hope that your H seeks some counseling as well. Men sometimes try to push down the pain from grief, and it comes out elsewhere. Sometimes they think they have to be “strong” and carry on. Or, they blame themselves in some way for not being able to save their loved one. The pain has to go somewhere. </p>
<p>So sorry. </p>
<p>How are your other kids doing? Are they older? younger?</p>
<p>I am so, so sorry.</p>
<p>There could be no greater pain for a parent.</p>
<p>I knew I would get many positive responses on this site. It is one of my favorites.</p>
<p>First of all thank you for all the suggestions, PMs, links. As I am already several months into this, I know of some of them. I especially like computer resources. Its about what I am ready for at this time. I have heard many positives about Compassionate Friends. I don’t think I am ready for a support group yet and others (my therapist) agree. One of the major issues I have is how different suicide loss seems to other. My son CHOSE to do this. Our love wasn’t enough for his pain. I have come to realize through out all this how many others suffer from depression. It is a terrible, terrible disease. I didn’t realize the pain that my son was in. </p>
<p>Someone committs suicide every 15 minutes in this country. Yet when we look at colleges, we are more concerned about the dorms, the food, the library and the athletic facilities than what kind of counseling programs a school has. The 18-22 year old age group is especially prone to depression. </p>
<p>Yesterday was my worse day yet. I really do have lots of resources to call upon. I appreciate all the support and positives. I DO get it when people say they can’t even imagine what it is like. I am living it and I can’t even imagine it. What helps get me through is the fact that he is no longer in pain. However, the rest of us are.</p>
<p>My other two children are older than my son and seem to be doing well. I am amazed at their strength and grace. One of my children is in her first year of law school and missed 2 weeks. (It was a prolonged process, he didn’t die right away) She is just now catching up from first semester, her professors have been amazingly supportive. </p>
<p>My next step is to try and respond to the PMs. I haven’t done this before. As I have stated, it is amazing how very many people have experience with depression and mental illness. Almost all have shared how isolating it is and how they or their loved one did everything to hide it from others. One last thing, is there a way to spell check posts? I am a terrible speller!</p>
<p>“Yesterday was my worse day yet.” Grief comes in waves and some bad days are just unexpected Tsunamis of sadness. You do sound like a wonderful mother. When I was dealing with an mentally ill family member, I felt so alone until relative strangers from CC shared their experiences with me. Take care! Bless you!</p>
<p>Don’t worry about spelling. </p>
<p>Thank you for your update with more information.</p>
<p>I’m sure that many of us have tears in our eyes when we read your posts, but this part especially just breaks our hearts… <a href=“It%20was%20a%20prolonged%20process,%20he%20didn’t%20die%20right%20away”>I</a> *</p>
<p>I can’t imagine what you all went thru and are still going thru. My prayers are with you and yours.</p>
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<p>well said.</p>
<p>2kidsnoanswers, Who is droulston?</p>
<p>I have no words to express my sorrow. Please accept my deepest condolences. You are right. Depression is a terrible, terrible disease. It runs rampant through our extended family.</p>
<p>I am also thinking of you. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.</p>
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<p>Yes. I’ve been involved in this kind of situation as a nurse. It is traumatic for the health care team. I can only imagine what it’s like for Mom and Dad. I’m so, so sorry.</p>
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<p>He had an illness.</p>
<p>A few years ago, a man I knew passed away after an extended illness. He was the most determined man, never skipped a beat. People on four continents were praying for him. But the illness got him. Determination, grit, optimism, prayer…and much love. But the illness still got him.</p>
<p>Your son knew he was loved and cherished. I’m sure he struggled valiantly in the face of his illness.</p>
<p>Heavy heart, we don’t notice the spelling through our tears…</p>
<p>It is with a heavy heart that all of us respond to the news of your tragic loss. I am so deeply sorry.</p>
<p>HeavyHeart, re #49, I sent you an email. I hope it helps a little. Please continue to post…we do care.</p>
<p>Heavyheart, I too have lost a loved one through suicide. I am so, so sorry for your loss and wish you hope and healing.</p>
<p>Oh, that is so tough. I’m very sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>I want to add my condolences to the ones offered here. I have dealt with depression and its not that you cant feel the love you just cant deal with the pain. In some people the pain is so acute that it is unbearable. I am so so sorry. Please post , and cry and scream, and laugh here as often as you want to/need to. The people here are varied and caring. They have amazed me in theirr ability to reach out and and help. Perhaps after you have reached out here you will be ready for a support group. HUGS!!!</p>
<p>I am so, so sorry for your loss.</p>