I would if I thought they could use it, but they need more than a ride. They both need help getting in and out of the car. My father needs help putting walker in trunk, retrieving it, holding it steady until he grasps is and gets his balance. My mother needs help fastening her seatbelt. I think they are in need of more assistance than it provides, but I may take a look at the website. I am so skeptical of any service that asked for $20 just to send info.
I believe that gogograndparent helps with what you’ve mentioned. My friend’s mom raves about it as it gives her a bit of independence. You just need to let them know what the needs are and it will be listed in the account.
The charge varies and is from the time you call until the time the ride is completed at some per minute charge plus a charge for each call. There’s also a no show charge if you aren’t at the agreed upon pick up point.
Definitely research more to see if it MAY help bridge their current needs.
Yes, there is a registration that goes with the handicapped hang tag. My mother always takes hers when we travel. My parents both had then and we never thought twice about using it when the ‘wrong’ one was in the car.
Uber and Lyft will help with getting in and out of the car. The issue may be a small car unless you order a specific ride.
My parents and I have each qualified for our own handicapped placards. We use them as we need to, especially when transporting them. It really makes it easier for them, as well as those of us accompanying and driving them.
It is important that a person entitled to the placard or license plate be in the vehicle when using the privileges associated with the designation. A wallet card is issued to the handicapped person in our state and is to be presented upon request by authorities.
And still no mention of Thanksgiving - I really think they have forgotten - which is pretty funny given my year of angst over how to handle - a bit anticlimactic! I’m really looking forward to dinner at home for the 4 of us - very casual attire - but I am going to unpack and use all of the nice serving pieces and crystal and so forth that I never get to use. It is so nice to be happily looking forward to the holiday rather than dreading it because of dealing with my parents. And I’m sure we’ll spend some time with them the day after.
I have been struggling with how to juggle everything and made the decision to reduce my hours at work to 32/week. So, that gives me some time to help them during the week or to use for my own enjoyment if part of my wknd goes to helping my parents.
I thought I could get them to combine more stops with their driver - do multiple errands in one outing. But they are unwilling or unable to do so. He’s taking them grocery shopping Saturday, but we are taking them for haircuts and lunch Sunday. And then a dr appt Thursday.
I can’t say I’m thrilled with the situation, but it is doable for now, and I am not thinking about what comes next because it is too overwhelming.
Baby steps with difficult people seems to be wise, even though you’d like to give it all to the driver, starting with groceries weekly, then adding another stop in a week or two and then another a few weeks later may be the best way to make it stick.
It is great that they are at least using the driver. Baby steps are a good way to start. I know our elders get cranky when we try to do too many things. Can generally only do one or maybe two things before one needs to rest or nap. No sense pushing things. Cranky elders have even fewer filters. >:)
And considering what an incredible production she makes out of grocery shopping, I am lucky not to have to deal with that. My mother will not consider any type of grocery delivery service. She wants to be driven to the store, take her sweet time finding what she wants at her snail’s pace, etc. Factor in getting them in and out of the car multiple times, bagging the groceries, carrying up to their condo and unpacking, it is at least a 2 hour ordeal, if not more. My father insists on going along as well - he enjoys sitting in the pharmacy section for an hour and observing/eavesdropping there. If someone has a heated conversation with the pharmacist it is the highlight of his day. All I can say is their driver earns his money.
They may still think of Thanksgiving as it gets closer so he prepared!
My sister, my mother’s main caretaker at the end when she died at 87, liked grocery store and hairdresser outings with my mother for the most part. She says she misses them, as do I. I did my fair share when I came in out of town regularly with doctor visits and hair appointments, grocery shopping. But, my parents were not as difficult as yours sound. That does seem to make a difference. Good luck with figuring out the holidays!
Oh, I feel you about the grocery trips! I do most of the grocery runs alone. My mother is pleasant, but also very slow and thorough. She also diagonally parks her cart in the middle of the aisles, or stops dead in an intersection to review her list. Goddess love her, I just gently nudge her to the side and say she’ll be safer out of traffic.
I think your parents might be right that 2 hours of grocery shopping is enough for one day. A doctor’s appointment is one day. A haircut is one day (but lunch). And that means they get to see you several times. My friend’s MIL was very anti assisted care because she thinks no one would ever visit her. She makes up errands for her son so he’ll have to come by 2-3 times a day.
I bet they’ll bring it up a few days before. And then want you to take them to the store (Tgiving week). The timing is early this year, and they just may not have realized.
Know what you’re going to say and do, if they do bring it up. Run several scenarios and the dialogue through your head so the chance of being caught off guard is lessened. They have 13 days to remember.
hmmm…in some ways it could go better if they had a heads up just 5-7 days before unless they bring it up first. Say 1-2 short sentences telling them the plan. Just wondering if letting them have a few days to adjust to the new plan might allow you more peace during your own precious 4’s dinner.
My dad figured out the holidays by the commercials on TV. In fact, one year he was sure that Mother’s Day was a week before it actually happened because he saw so many M.D. commercials. Just a thought, just in case. You can tell them that this was always the plan [insert what works for you here].
That’s very true - they don’t remember anything anyway - so if they do bring it up - I’ll just remind them of the plan we all agreed to after last year’s fiasco at the restaurant. They absolutely cannot keep days of the week straight - so Friday vs Thursday really should not be a big deal.
I’m just so excited to do my own thing! S2 is coming home Wed and happy to help me set up and cook - he is such a sweetheart and this is what I have missed.
You’ve earned the Thanksgiving you want. How nice that you get to look forward to a holiday with joy instead of dread.
If it comes up (don’t bring it up) it would be advisable to simply mention the plans for this year. They won’t remember the plan agreed to last year and mentioning any negative descriptor of last year’s event could agitate your dad. Don’t go there.
Very true. He has been exceptionally well behaved the past 2 weeks - no need to agitate.
So, kind of a sad update.
My father is really going downhill cognitively. He cannot remember anything and gets very agitated and angry. He had an incident Wednesday morning where he was just lost in a fog for 30 minutes. Went to ER - thought possible TIA - but the wait for MRI was so long he pitched a fit and we left. He initially agreed to follow up with dr and do scheduled outpatient MRI, but is now refusing to do so.
They have not even asked about Thanksgiving. We take them out to eat every weekend and will do so on Friday.
I don’t know where this is heading. The more he declines, the angrier he gets and lashing out at whoever is near - my mother getting the worst of it.