We’ve exercised the nuclear option and just don’t socialize with unpleasant relatives any more, regardless of how they vote. In our case, there have been so many critical comments - about our politics, sure, but that topic is just one of many that displease my husband’s family. I don’t see family obligation as encompassing spending the holidays being miserable. Saves a lot of time and aggravation.
Last Christmas, we were together with my 3 daughters and their husbands for the first time in many years. One husband voted differently from the rest of us in 2016, but no one wanted to discuss politics. Being under the same roof was too precious to screw up.
I wish my MIL had learned that public criticism isn’t okay - she’d be having a happier old age.
I can understand people having differences on political issues but when it gets into the territory of hatred and fear mongering of certain races/religions and denial of things like climate change that are pretty much universally agreed upon by scientists, yes, there is a wrong side of the equation. It’s more than a different opinion. It’s akin to giving a platform to those who still espouse that earth is flat.
Honestly… I’ve stopped spending any more time than I must with the fear mongering racists in my family. Not even holidays. I’m happier without that stress. I’m dutiful, but nothing more.
When you are on a different side than me then it is on the wrong side. I think most people feel that way, and it has nothing to do with right or wrong. The only thing my whole family can agree on, including my BIL, is who is the idiot.
FYI - I am not articulate at all. I just say what I feel. It is also debatable how intelligent I am.
I just found out something about my in laws’ politics that makes me never want to see them again. Luckily we’re spending this Thanksgiving with my family.
I’m already dreading Christmas.
I’m really not sure what we’re going to do after this year. Our political differences aren’t minor disagreements. They enthusiasticly support policies and politicians that have the potential to destroy, and end, my life. So it’s very, very personal.
There are ways that both parties are “incorrect” about various things. Climate change is a great example. Saying that abortion doesn’t stop a human life is another. I will say it again- there is no “wrong” side to political views, and as we all know, most people don’t espouse every single aspect of either party anyway.
The problem with political discussions is people can’t reasonably articulate a position. Then they can’t defend or support that position. It quickly turns into an “us vs. them” or “right vs. wrong” argument. Some like to gin up the emotions with “such and such will ruin the world as we know it” arguments – it always starts with “people will die if ___.”. Frankly, we give our policymakers too much credit in their ability to “ruin” or otherwise effect our lives. Sorry, but they don’t have that much power.
But guess what. It’s no different than Yankees vs. Red Sox, Cowboys vs. Philly, Marino vs. Elway vs. Montana vs. Brady vs. etc., Nascar vs Formula 1, Sailboat vs. Motorboat, Vanilla vs. Chocolate.
You’re wrong ;). But, seriously - surely you don’t mean that?
Believe me, I hear you. H and I fall on opposite sides of the spectrum on many issues, and sometimes I literally feel like I’m married to the enemy. In the past couple of years this has been especially difficult, even though we’ve been together for nearly 32 years. I try to avoid getting into it with him, because there isn’t any point, but sometimes…
Meanwhile, D is tired of her grandmother’s judgment and minimizes her time with gma. I can’t say I blame her, so I support whatever she and S choose to do in that regard.
“I just found out something about my in laws’ politics that makes me never want to see them again.”
(Really? You have no other bond? They have no redeeming value now because politics don’t match? That’s plain sad.)
"Meanwhile, D is tired of her grandmother’s judgment and minimizes her time with gma. I can’t say I blame her, "
I think this is the real issue and why it’s hazardous ground. It’s turned into total judgement. Nobody likes to be judged. (I will say that grandmom’s can get judgmental about anything!)
CC was right to get rid of political discussions.
Think I’ll go help with the dishes.
@bhs1978 Exactly.
The minute I can’t understand someone else’s point without agreeing with them or demonizing them, I know I’ll be ready for the nursing home. I sent my kiddos to learn debate for this very reason.
If you cannot argue for someone else’s point, then you don’t understand you own. Try it, it works wonders. People used to be able to do this all the time. Before the world went crazy, many families had different politics but they didn’t attack each other. You wouldn’t agree with something but you’d let it slide or you’d ask respectful questions. Now people demonize each other and raising moral issues around someone else’s beliefs. Who cares if someone doesn’t agree?
Turn on any station, left or right and you will see the hatred. Newscasters who rant and rave and lie about everything. If you think it’s only on the other side, you need to think carefully. There are two sides to every story and that’s always been and always will be my goal. Again, the day I start calling everyone who doesn’t agree with me evil is the day I’m ready to hang it up.
@sylvan8798 Grandkids are also dutiful, but generally try to avoid relatives that they see act in bigoted and mean spirited ways. Relatives wish they saw more of kids — but have no recognition that their politically aware grandkids take the policies espoused as a personal attack on themselves or their friends. One grandkid is bi — grandparent routinely makes anti-LGBTQ comments and votes for politicians that oppose equality for said kid. Relatives are set in their ways. Kids just keep their distance. There is a cost to supporting policies that are hurtful to people.
“I think we can probably tell which side of the fence you are on”
I’m on the side of science and tolerance neither of which should be or are political for many. I know registered Dems, Independents, Libertarians and Republicans who are on that side.
" It’s no different than Yankees vs. Red Sox, Cowboys vs. Philly, Marino vs. Elway vs. Montana vs. Brady vs. etc., Nascar vs Formula 1, Sailboat vs. Motorboat, Vanilla vs. Chocolate."
I’d argue it is different. Some issues involve morals and facts, not preferences. There are many issues historically and currently that are just wrong, even if people didn’t recognize it at the time or chose to be blind to it. Sometimes I can understand why they might hold the view they hold but it doesn’t make it either morally or factually correct.
People are not just demonizing someone else’s beliefs. They are demonizing someone else’s existence. And that is what makes politics more nasty and hateful than it was.
One of my brothers has a tendency to say provocative things. I don’t think he intends to be rude, but rather he finds some entertainment value in seeing the reaction of others. No likie.
