Now. It took a long time for gays or people of color to be accepted too.
A relative went off to WWII and came home married to a Japanese woman. Most of his family never spoke to him again (my grandparents, he was her nephew) did, but secretly. Of course my grandparents were rebels themselves, with him being Catholic and her (gasp) Episcopalian! And my grandfather being Catholic was also kept a secret from most family members.
I guess you have to ask yourself (and your son) if you can live with this secret, and for how long.
Sometimes it helps for folks to have some time to adjust. After I met S’s GF (now fiancée), I shared their picture as a couple with my extended family, saying how thrilled we are that they found each other and are so happy together. (They are different races.) Some of my extended family members have been known to make hurtful remarks sometimes. I think our setting the tone spared my S having to potentially experience any stupid and hurtful comments.
The extended family have been all very welcoming once they got past the initial surprise. I’m glad S was spared potential awkward comments.
Almost 50 years ago my brother’s GF became pregnant her last year of HS and my parents told the family- she is pregnant and they are getting married.
In September my daughter married a woman and we told family- D loves a woman and they are getting married.
Parents giving their kids unconditional love and support.
I would tell the family, including grandparents- Old name is trans and is now called New Name.
I think it’s a teachable moment to your child to own their choices. You are not ashamed and neither should they be.
I have worked with older students who are transitioning, and it is not the same as being with someone who is different … it is BEING someone different. People who are transitioning need to be able to own their narrative. It’s a balancing act, because the truth could get out before the person is ready to reveal it. However, I assume that the son is in therapy as part of the transition, and I would imagine that the therapist has discussed the possibility with the son.
GD has really been picking up skills lately. D reports that she is now rolling and giggling! When she was here on Monday she was definitely using both hands to grasp toys. It’s so fun to see her do new things!
I am not sure if you have a trans kid but for us that isn’t remotely how it works. He is fully out (with the grandparents exception) which means every time I talk to anyone who doesn’t know I have to tell them he is trans (alternative would be to misgender him and misname him in those conversations). There may be a kid out there who would want to be the one to personally give the news to my husband’s cousins or my yoga class friends but my kid absolutely would want no part of it.
For grandparents I agree he needs to have a deciding voice in when and whether they are told but he won’t want to be one to have the first conversation. Basically he wants them to know but avoid the drama and conflict that may (or may not) accompany me telling them.
Your world - your life. “This isn’t remotely how it works.” Differences in life in different cultures, different faith backgrounds, families, geographic differences, personalities of all involved. You know your situation better than anyone on this thread. Like apples and oranges or trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. No one size fits all answer.
I respect people’s privacy. If I meet a friend’s kid - I am friendly and warm to them, respectful. Obviously in your answer, your son wants you to ‘break the news’ and avoid drama on this ‘first telling’ - and if that is what you are willing to do. That is something you work out.
All good. Though just to illustrate why I find it difficult to see how it can work otherwise - I go to yoga and run into an acquaintance. She says “oh how is “Jane”? She is a senior now right?” My choice then is either to go along with the misgendering (which my son would find very hurtful if he knew about it and often won’t work because others in the conversation know) or let her know - “oh Jane now goes by John and male pronouns. He is in college admissions hell right now ha” .
Hey, I just have to report here–I’ve mentioned how GS (20 months) has been going to PT for a year for muscle issues on one side–he was not using one hand, head twisted to one side, standing issues, etc. Didn’t walk till a couple months ago. Hardly said a word until a couple months ago. Flash forward, he’s using both hands (probably actually leftie–the side he wasn’t using), walking and almost running everywhere (has done mile-long hikes) and talking up a storm–every day scores of new words, as this “Gamma” can attest (he just started saying that a a couple weeks ago.) Pronunciation is a moving target, but clearly he knows what he is saying. Just want to say, sometimes they need just a little more time and some support. He’s graduating PT this week, and a joy to be around.
GS (4y) is flying in from CA, with his parents.
He’s excited to be bringing school-made ornaments for my tree - no tree at their house d/t travel.
ETA 4pm!!
Put the date on them and save them (unless made from food). I just gave my 26 year old daughters theirs from daycare, girl scouts, etc. Not all survived but some did.
I don’t remember who first recommended the Toniebox on here, but thank you! We are having an early holiday celebration at OOS S2 and DIL’s house this weekend and gave both little ones Tonieboxes. They are a big hit!
Our almost 2 year old GS has not put his down. Literally. This little peanut is hauling the box, carrying case, headphones, charger and figurines all over the house. After he opened it and realized what it could do, he parked himself in the corner, under the tree and just listened and sang. The Cocomelon Tonie is a favorite.
Almost 4 year old GD also likes hers but is not quite as glued to it as her little brother.
I have a new granddaughter, born just over a week ago. The best holiday gift. We are getting to love and help her and her parents for as long as I can convince my husband to stay.
2022 has been a good year.
After he opened it and realized what it could do, he parked himself in the corner, under the tree and just listened and sang. The Cocomelon Tonie is a favorite.