My favorite grandparent watching grandkids story involves H’s cousin. Her mom was watching the grandchildren one day, and cousin came back to find her mom supervising the youngest as he swam in the backyard goldfish pond. At least she was watching him do it!
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My mother died when S1 was five weeks old. She and my father lived on the opposite coast anyway. And they would have been useless at child care and, given the way I was raised, I would not have wanted them to take care of my child. I worked fulltime so when S1 was three months old, we got a FT nanny who worked 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM.
My MIL was widowed by then. She only lived a hour away, but she was pretty useless. Once during my maternity leave she was supposed to come to take care of S1 so I could go to a doctor’s appointment. She arrived about 20 minutes late so I missed the appointment.
By the time we had S2, we were living in the burbs. We had live-in nannies until younger son was around 9 or 10, at which point we had sort of “part-time” babysitters who could drive the kids around.
No help from parents, siblings, cousins, or anyone. It was quite awful. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I’m grateful the kids turned out normal.
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When we were little, we were always with our grandparents. We lived about 45 minutes away and went there almost every weekend. My grandparents were ‘old’ (even though only 56 and 58 when I was born - my grandfather was born in 1900 so always easy to know his age at any time), but you know, old! They didn’t play sports or on the floor with us. My parents were always with us at my grandparents’ house (and that was actually the address on my birth certificate as it was a duplex and we lived upstairs). The 3 of us older kids went with my grandfather every day to do the errands (hair cut, grocery store, bank) while my grandmother worked and my mother stayed home with my 2 brothers, the hellions as my grandmother referred to them. She died when she was just 62 (but old).
My own mother worked until she was in her late 70s, but she was very involved with the grandkids. There were 5 of them in a group, 2 born in 1993 and 3 in 1996, who played basketball together (a brother was the coach) and Nana would come to the game/practice and bring the snacks for them and about 6 other kids who adopted her. She’d pick my kids up from daycare or school if I couldn’t, she’d go skiing with us, take them on a weekend day if I needed her to, she took their girl scout cookie order sheets to work and sold the most of anyone in the troop!
My own daughter was asked if I would be the day care provider if they have children (they’ve been married for a month, tick tock! where are my grandchildren already) and she told this friend (who I have babysat for) no, that I’d be too old. I’m 66! I think I’ll probably do it for whatever part of the first year they won’t have maternity/paternity leave, and then for emergency care. I’m not sure I disagree with not having a 70 year old chasing a 2 year old all day. And I have mahjongg twice a week.
His parents are a decade younger than me but live 2000 miles away.
I did sit for the granddogs this weekend and I believe I did okay although they were pretty muddy this morning as I didn’t know it had rained last night before letting them out in the yard. Opps.
When younger S was born, we had to have an emergency/backup sitter for a few months. Our regular sitter’s mom was dying 1500 miles away and took off to care for her until the end.
The woman who watched older S was 73! Her similarly aged sister also helped. She only took them over 2 and up until kindergarten and they had to be toilet trained. She had about 8-12 kids in her home. She would make them elaborate homemade lunch spreads (not that older S ever more than 2 bites a day then) and then she would chase them all around the yard.
At the time I could not imagine someone that age doing that like she did. It still impresses me now, but 73 doesn’t sound so old when you’re 52 vs 28!
She said she was taking care of grandchildren of kids she used to watch!
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My H is already 82–he has a lot of energy but loves his naps. No idea how we’d do, but we are willing to try IF we are nearby and IF gkids ever appear.
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I think most new parents feel like they have no idea what they are doing. Sounds like you managed it all quite well, and especially knew what you wanted and didn’t want for your sons growing up based on your own (and DH’s) experiences.
Fortunately DD1 has said “I want to do for my kids the kind of growing up my sister and I had” - and I can be a helper for that. Their family needs her FT career, and DH and I have the ability to be grandparent helpers. I was just thinking this morning about flowers, and how extra oversight and care can be possible - and thinking about loving and nourishing our precious grandbabies.
The other grandparents are happy we can be available - he has progressing Parkinson’s and she has all she can do with managing their life together. We all are on the same page. Thankfully they can see the grandkids electronically, and I share info as well.
DD1/SIL moved from 100 miles away from us to a lot further away (1600 miles by car or something like that, 2 airplane legs that takes about 5 1/2 hours) - moved 3 weeks after baby #4 was born. They moved for SIL’s career, and thankfully a slot was open for DD1 to have a lateral move. Within the past year, her coworker retired, and she was able to laterally move into a better position (one that is a lot more critical and therefore safer from job cuts - also how it is funded is safer from job cut). DD1 has computer/data skills many of the workers at her level do not have (nursing), and she helps her coworkers when they have presentations or other things (she quickly pulls things together and gives them a quick tutorial). DD1’s talents are recognized, and she makes great efforts to be reliable and being on top of everything at work. SIL’s area boss didn’t even know about the baby until a few days before the baby was born (he has an unusual work situation because there are people from different areas together, and he was only going to be out with some paternity leave which can’t start until the baby is born, they use other leave before). Since the baby was born on Saturday, he didn’t use any leave before the baby was born (then request was put in online).
We make the drive to them over Christmas/New Year’s, and other trips we fly. Now we are waiting to see what transpires for SIL transition in job sometime maybe April 2026- when that shoe drops, we will know their city is there place of residence long-term and we can further plan on selling our current home and buying/moving there.
August return to school for the older 3 will be telling - I will see if DD1 wants me to come for three weeks maybe Sept to help out. GS1 will be in first grade and GS2 will be in K4 - and extra time for those two will be beneficial, right after school. GD1 will also benefit. When that happens, one (or both together) of the parents will pick up the younger two from daycare later. I also can get the planned dinner going. But it will take coordinating with their two vehicles, and coordination with the parents perhaps going to work in one car (which I can drop off all 5 in the morning - I have already done the four and it is the same two stops, daycare and school). Not wanting to rent a car, and not leaving my car there either.
My MIL died long before DH and I got married. DH was a junior in college when she passed and I only met her once. My FIL was a lovely man but he lived on the East Coast and we lived in the Southwest. When he retired at almost 70, he moved to our town and lived about 15 minutes away from us. He tried to help out with the kids but really didn’t know what to do with them when they were preschool age. (I once got my D back with a diaper on backward and taped with masking tape.) He did better as they older, but mostly he came to our house for dinner once or twice a week. He did come to soccer games/ school performances and stuff like that. When DH had cancer and he & I had to temporarily relocate to Boston for 3 months of specialized treatment, FIL came to the house and stayed with younger D who was in middle school. (Older D was away living at college by then.) D used to say that she babysat grandpa because she would plan menus, make shopping lists, make her own breakfast and lunch, , do their laundry, get herself to and from school and to and from sports practices. He would cook simple meals (often frozen meals) and stayed at the house overnight. Later when he was in hospice, the girls visited him a couple times per week. Older D sat with him when he was comatose and held his hand the day he died.
On my side. my dad died young–when I was college junior. He and DH got along Ok the one time they met, but my mother disliked DH intensely. She was a bigot and told me to get the “g-d d-m Jewboy” out of her house during his second visit. Dh never came back to the house ever again. He did come to my dad’s viewing (and stayed at a hotel), but didn’t come to the funeral because it was so soon after his mom’s death and he was still feeling pretty raw. He also didn’t want to cause any drama w/ my mother at the service. My mother lived on the East Coast while we lived in the Southwest. I never asked to come help with the kids. I frankly didn’t want her around my kids because of her bigotry and generally abrasive attitude. (She also didn’t like where I lived because there were too many Hispanics --though she used a cruder term than that.) When she had a falling out with her neighbors in NE Pennsylvania, she asked me if I would like her to move out to my town. Dh &I discussed it and said, yes, but that her opinions [about our marriage, our jobs, our neighbors/neighborhood, how we raised our kids, and a list of other topics] and her guns were not allowed in our house. She didn’t say anything in response but bought a house in Michigan near my brother less than 48 hours later. I can only think of 2 times my mom came to visit us and I only took the girls out to see her once. Visits with her were never pleasant. Neither of my daughters went to her funeral. (Neither did either of my brother’s kids–my mom had poisoned her relationship with them by saying terrible things about my brother’s wife and her family when she lived near them in Michigan.)
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A lot of sad circumstances out of your control, and how your brother continued to deal with your mother, carrying the burden of her bigotry/attitudes/lack of social graces and ‘not care’ who she offends attitude. His family endured the strain with her poisoning comments…What a relief for you when your mom decided to purchase a house in MI.
Your daughters certainly have learned to be compassionate physicians based on their life experiences and how you/others have endured. One cannot choose their family.
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My kids and I visited my folks fairly regularly. They lived a 5 minute or less drive from our home. Dad would regularly cook meals and invite all us kids and our spouses and our kids to dinner. This was like weekly for several years. Our kids loved gathering with their cousins and seeing my folks. We were very grateful my folks did this.
My in-laws were very sweet but much frailer. When my MIL moved into the apt building we lived in to recover from a broken hip, we visited her every day. Their house was 66 steps from street to front door so we had to really plan our visits to their place then we had little ones. They loved watching the kids. MIL died when S was 1 and D was 3. We were able to get FIL to move to SF to be with his D and we visited them there. He lived another 5 years. I’m not sure how well the kids remember either of them.
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We made a point of taking our kids to our hometowns ( in lovely rural Illinois) to see their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. The kids enjoyed being around extended family and remain close to them ( grandparents are all gone now).
Glad we did that.
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I was ordering a gift for my niece’s baby shower.
My dil said my granddaughter loved her weighted sleep sack. She’s 3, now I see that weighted sleep sacks are recalled?
Also my niece registered for beige baby things and clothes. I’m thinking that’s not a great idea?
Any ideas of a great baby present? My mil is buying a hatch that my kids loved. Drat the $800 stroller is already bought 
Adding, something smaller. I’ve already ordered a couple of things. On the registry, the choices are super expensive or not expensive enough to be an alone gift
The beige baby clothes is a trend led by Instagram mamas who wear similar. 
I’d hate to do their laundry!
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I’m a fan of bright primary colors for youngsters, but I’m not the mamma. I used to like buying savings bond but now they don’t give you a paper one. I tend to give books and a check for baby’s education fund.
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Not weighted; my DDs loved the Woolino sleep sacks for their kids.
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This. It is baby crack! So addictive.
https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Activity-Portable-Musical-Learning/dp/B0CBQW2X2C/
And 100% on Woolino. Not cheap! Little Miss Mess slept in hers until recently. The footed ones are the best. I’d get the rainbow one!
https://www.amazon.com/Woolino-Season-Australian-Merino-Rainbow/dp/B09FFXPR9C/
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This was a huge hit with Little Miss Mess. She played with it from when she started walking at about 9 months old until she was about 18 months old - her mom finally got tired of the music and noise and took it to someone who was having a baby.
https://www.amazon.com/VTech-Stand-Learning-Frustration-Packaging/dp/B0053X62GK/
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Another item little kid would have liked to get as a gift (we ended up getting it for her, and it is still in great use!). It is expensive but so durable and so much better than anything sold on Amazon!
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/toddlekind-highchair-splat-mat/7515930
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My daughter didn’t eat anything messy (like with sauce) and rarely made a mess that a simple broom sweep couldn’t tidy up. One day my nephew (same age) was over and it was like a tornado hit my kitchen. I looked at my sister and she said “You need a dog.”
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D had that mat for GD - she definitely needed it!
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My kids were quite neat, so all kids are pretty different. My kids LOVED stuffed animals and 100% cotton flannel receiving blankets. As parents, we found the checks & money helpful in building the kids educational accounts.
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