My grandkids have National Geographic subscriptions.
National Geographic Little Kids for my 3 year old GS and National Geographic Kids for the 5 year old twins.
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I made a picture book about all our family and friends for the guys when they were little. We have no relatives on my side within 600 miles, and none on H’s side within 250 mi., so it was a good way to put names with faces and stories so that relatives weren’t total strangers.
My sons are thousands of miles away in opposite directions, so moving closer isn’t really an option. If there are grandkids, we’ll be doing a lot of WhatsApp and story time. I will happily do extended solo trips to Ukraine as long as I can travel.
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OK, daycare becomes real….
D2 went back to work in early November after her 12 weeks of parental leave were up.
SIL2 was doing the stay-at-home dad thing after graduating PT school in May, but he interviewed for his dream job on Tuesday and they offer him the position today. He starts the first week of January.
So grandbaby will need a caretaker. They’ve looked at number of places and are on several wait lists for openings. But D2 is having reservations. There is a measles epidemic happening in her state (over 150 cases and counting including “several” in her county). The state does not require daycare workers to be vaccinated . GD#3 is too young for a measles vaccination.
Right now they’re considering doing a nanny share with a friend who also has a young baby.
I hope it all gets worked out.
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I was just talking with our cousin about when we got DD1 into ‘adequate’ daycare while on the wait list for better. I remember when my administrative assistant got the call with an opening on a preferred daycare - we were with our parents in their home state so family could all be at her baptism – and immediate ‘yes’. Back then, daycare openings happened at the end of a week versus at the end of a month. Once she was in that daycare, we decided to pass on an opening at another daycare. Then when DD1 was ready to promote to Montessori, I kept her at daycare until DD2 got into daycare.
One has to figure out the system and take care of things.
For the places with openings - it helps to talk with the daycare manager on concerns about staff vaccinations and make decisions from there.
With the first daycare DD1 was in, they often didn’t pick her up when she cried - when she was home, she ‘tested me’ at a very young age - and she figured out she was ‘safe’ at home and cared for with her needs.
Even if the state doesn’t require staff to be vaccinated, the day care might. We have day cares associated with hospitals and those employees would have the same requirements for vaccinations as other hospital employees.
That didn’t mean the other children would be vaccinated and it wasn’t required for children to be to attend school, day care, or camps, but the facility could require any unvaccinated child to remain out of school/day care if there was any type of outbreak.
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D2 has done that. The state prohibits employers from even asking about the vaccination status of employees so talking with the manager has not been very enlightening.
With SIL2’s new job, grandD is eligible for excellent employer (hospital) sponsored daycare and they’ve been on the waitlist there since before the baby was born. The daycare center expects to have an opening in January. However, the employees there are not required to be vaccinated either.
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Vaccinations of childcare workers isn’t something I’d even thought about. Looking my state up it appears workers are required to have TDAP and MMR and flu. Most of my grandchildren had nannies till they were old enough to go to preschool.
We had three grandchildren over yesterday for a joint birthday and Hanukkah celebration. My house this morning looks like a cyclone went through. It was fun and also amazing to watch them grow.
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Local GD was feeling unwell Friday afternoon; 8:00am Saturday confirmed case of Flu A. While she was running a temp of 102, it was reduced with Motrin throughout the day. Took Xofluza as it is a single dose, while mom and dad are on Tamiflu. The concern is they were due to fly to the UK tonight to spend the holidays with SIL’s parents and sibling.
Fast forward to 6:00am this morning, where GD wakes up singing! She is full of life, no fever, and says she feels fine. Xofluza being brand name was expensive, whereas Tamiflu was free. D was willing to pay the $180 for GD, but figured since she and SIL were taking meds preventively, they could take the free 5 day course!
I will of course worry about them flying for 8+ hours overnight trying to stay hydrated and sleeping if any feel unwell. All 3 will wear masks, although in the past they have removed GD’s while she sleeps; not sure what they will do tonight, but know they do not want to expose others. As GD’s last dose of Motrin was before 6:00pm yesterday, I believe she might not be contagious since she will have been fever free without meds for over 24 hours, but again, they will take all precautions. 
GD had the flu Thanksgiving 2022 and somehow we all avoided getting it even though they were in our home for a week. We also took Tamiflu at that time.
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I didn’t realize Tamiflu is preventive. I thought it was just for when you get the flu.
If the state prohibits employers from even asking about vaccination status of employees - it may not prohibit employees offering this information – however, I imagine it often is tough to get excellent daycare employees in certain areas. Public record would be for various outbreaks I imagine, but would have to know how to look for it.
If a daycare is well-run, with good handwashing, health guidelines followed - DD1/SIL saw where a fair number of professionals and health care employees had their children at this daycare, and they have been happy with it (since 2023). Also low employee turnover, to me indicating happy employees/good management and happy children.
Having good family time with DD1/SIL/grandkids. First had significant time with cousin/husband/her adult DDs and met a friend and his wife we haven’t seen for 30+ years. Thankfully DD1/SIL just work today and tomorrow this week. We are staying through Jan 3rd. Have the older three kids at home with us today and tomorrow while ‘the littles’ went to daycare. The older kids can leave their play stuff out in the one bedroom and shut the door when the 2 YO is home. 2YO is very inquisitive and into everything.
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S2/DiL1 , both of whom have serious health issues, neither showed any interest in children, told us all tonight that they are expecting a baby in early summer. My reaction of stunned surprise has progressed to worry as I process.
DiL informs us she will use a CRNP midwife, they won’t be telling anyone for some more time, except she’s told all their friends.She is “sure” her pregnancy will be uneventful. As if her opinion is relevant.
S1/ DIL2 are here as well; she is navigating a family crisis and has spent muchof the day crying. So I didn’t want to concentrate on this baby news too terribly much.
Anyway, I am super gobsmacked. S1 texted me to sayI am supposed to be happy, stop being a pain. I am just so stunned.
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Congratulations, but I can understand how you may feel stunned. You can say, “Wow, I wish you the best, but please allow me a little bit of time to process this big surprise.” I hope all goes well and even if she uses a midwife she will also use a hospital and traditional medical resources to have optimal results for her and baby.
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Thanks. She already said they will be using a birthing center unless they absolutely need a hospital (and assumes they’ll just saunter in during labor, I guess)). They could have told us a million different ways. I know in the morning there’s this expectation for me to be thrilled and I am just miserable. She doesn’t even drive. Her friends are all having babies and she acquired this idea that she is 30 and missing out. And of course, her friends know everything and we are idiots. I dunno. How I feel is irrelevant.
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Fingers crossed things go perfectly, though I certainly understand your reservations about the matter. She likely knew you might be shocked and maybe felt this was the most protective environment for her to “spring” the news and get some good holiday wishes.
If she has health issues, I hope she lives near a good medical center so she can get extra, specialized care. Maybe she can take driving lessons?
There are medical centers, like University of Michigan and others who are very successful with high risk pregnancies of moms who have chronic health issues.
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Theylive near a major city, and its major medical center. Her friends are big on birthing centers, which was probably an influence.
I know I’m supposed to be thrilled, but Ihave found this decade of life to just be one loss after another. And I think that what we as grandparents know, that our children do not, is that we raise them to walk away from us and when you have children of your own, your own parents become a kind of insignificant window dressing. I feel like I just vanished poof …
She has a driver’s license. Never drives. My son takes her everywhere; she works in an office barely a mile from their home twice a week and he takes her. (They work from home otherwise)
It’s irrational, all of this. DH is processing the idea that we talk to them every week as a standing video chat and they never said anything.
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I would be quietly supportive of how they manage the pregnancy and their plans. In time, between their friends and their situation, they could change the plan.
DIL could be fine with her plans, but for a first baby it is IMHO important to go the safest route, especially if she has serious health issues that can affect her with childbirth. Your S2/DIL1 might absorb more information as pregnancy progresses. If you stay open to what their plan is and also learn more as they share more.
My friend’s DD with her first was expecting twins. The gal’s FIL is an OB/GYN. She had unrealistic expectations about how her birthing situation was going to go, and it turns out she eventually worked out these ideas understanding the goal is healthy momma healthy babies. She was able to safely have the twin boys - the second one pulled out more or less (I don’t remember the details, but both boys were delivered safely by vaginal births). She did finally understand that if there is a critical period (second baby heart-rate dropping quickly or other unforeseen thing) a c-section might need to occur for the boys to be safely delivered.
DD1 had her first four children all at the same hospital in their first city/state, the last one w/o anesthesia assistance. When they moved to another city/state, she decided to use a birthing center. Since I was with her for about 5 weeks (and the baby came 4 days late), I went to several of her appointments and met both midwives that were there for her delivery. DD1 and I are both BSNs - I found that DD1 was in capable hands. All went w/o a flaw (large spa type of tub and water birth). DD1 did not want to be away from home/family for a hospital stay - instead of 48 hours coming home from the hospital, it was hours literally. DD1/SIL left for the birthing center at 2 am (she was in pretty strong regular contractions from about midnight), had the baby shortly after 4:30 am, and they were home by 9 am (along with breakfast from drive-through), 7 lb 5 oz baby. Her largest baby was #3 at 8 lb 10 oz.
Your S2/DIL1 wanted to tell you in person about the pregnancy - not in a video chat. Part of it was their excitement wanting to share the moment in person with you.
DD1/SIL wanted a baby ‘right away’, had a delayed honeymoon, and were already pregnant at the start of their honeymoon. Instead of a phone call, they wanted both of us at the video chat when they told us.
IMHO, often young people who say they don’t want kids, say so when they think they want to use their time/energy/money exploring the world and all the things they do and want to do. In time, they reflect and decide otherwise (including seeing the joy their friends have with children and a ‘new stage of life’ outlook), or they have a surprise pregnancy – my cousin’s son and his live in girlfriend (of at least a few years) decided almost when she was about to deliver to get married; they then had a second daughter within a year and have been happily raising their two daughters.
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Congratulations and hugs, @greenbutton . Hard as it is, hopefully things will all work out and your S and DIL may become more realistic as time goes on.
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@greenbutton : Your S and DIL sound like mine. DIL has a license but is terrified to drive. Takes public transportation to her job 2X/week. S has some health issues too. I have no expectation that they will have kids, and I would be gobsmacked if they got pregnant. I feel your shock.