I was up early, and so was my son, and eventually DIL joined us and had a good conversation so I feel a bit better. They mistakenly thought we didnt want to know anything based on a comment DH made last year; we were interpreting their stonewalling as a request to MYOB so we did exactly that, and so we were all reinforcing the wrong behaviors.
The birthing center is part of a major medical center, not some standalone entity. The midwife and doula are part of an OB practice and DIL presented her reasoning for the choice and those seem sound. “It’s not what we are used to but it is okay” has long been our mantra with adult kids, using it a lot now.
I did express adequately all the reasons I hate surprises, and hopefully they will keep that in mind. They say “you don’t need to worry about that” and we hear “stay in your damn lane” so we talked about that too.
Thanks for the good input and empathy,it is much appreciated.
D’s good friend is an OB who works with a midwife practice to step in when necessary. She is very competent … which makes me believe that your DIL will also be in good hands if she needs additional support when the time comes.
Sorry to quote this, but this is exactly how things get complicated and confusing. What has been talked about in another thread. “For parents not as close to adult children as they would like to be”
Life is funny like that.
It sounds like you talked and worked things out.
My bil is convinced that one of his kids isn’t going to have children. I don’t think they’ve talked about not having children, it’s that it’s never mentioned having them. Some kids are more private than others. Some tell you everything, different kids, different personalities. Significant others differences.
Congratulations! You are joining the club! Grandchildren are great!
So glad the birthing center is connected to the large hospital and that you all had a great talk. I’m sure that cleared the waters and will make the exciting event less stressful for everyone! Best wishes to everyone involved—exciting times!
GD got a very cool coloring book yesterday & she colored a picture that showed a huge leap in ability/focus from even a week or two ago (she’ll be five this week). She was extremely proud. She wrote our son’s name on it & “cat” (he’s a cat lover) and gave it to him. It was so sweet!
Going to San Antonio Zoo today and Sea World on Sunday. We were at Sea World last Christmastime and we all really enjoyed it all including the Christmas Light Parade with Sesame Street characters.
First Christmas with our 11 week old GD was amazing. GD gave me a bracelet with my Grandma name and gave H a really cool Grandpa t-shirt. D2 who is the best Auntie ever received a darling Auntie sweatshirt. It was a lovely day with the sweetest baby girl
The twins are now 5 so in a bid to help keep them entertained over the school winter holiday break, I bought a potholder loom and a knitting knobby.
Twin B made half of one potholder and was just done with the whole thing.
Twin A, however, is fascinated with making different patterns on the potholder loom. She’s made 3 or 4 potholders already. She gave them to her mom for Christmas.
We will having be company for the holidays. SIL’s sister, husband 11 yo daughter are arriving tonight. (Sister’s parents live less than 35 minutes away on the other side of the Potomac. They have a 3 bedroom house with a 2 guest rooms, but Sister always insists on staying with us. There just aren’t enough rooms or beds so people end up sleeping on the living room couch– which is not a fold out– or on cushions on the floor. I have no idea why Sister insists on doing this every time she visits which is 2-4 times/year…..)
After they leave, more of SIL’s relatives are coming for a visit—all the way from New Zealand! SiL’s second cousin, I think. They have daughter who is less than a year older than the twins. They’ve never been to the DC area so we’re taking them to the National Zoo and Smithsonian, as well as taking all the kids to see Zootopia 2 next week.
GS had a fun Christmas. His big gift from us is a Tonie box which he loves. My SIL had to work yesterday afternoon so we did presents in the AM and dinner when he was done.
This AM our niece brought her 2 daughters over (they are 3 and 5) over and the kids had a blast . GS kept calling out “cousins come here”. We went back to his house this afternoon so he could play with his new toys at his house
One week completed with DD1/family, and one week to go. 3 days GS2 (age 4) had 1-2 bloody noses because he played roughly with GS1 (age 6) - all at GS2’s instigation. That has settled down. GS2 got a bicycle for Christmas, and the older 3 GKids are with their dad and grandpa riding bikes at a safe parking lot area. Expect GS1 to be able to ride w/o training wheels. GD1 getting more skilled.
GD2 (age 2 1/2) got distracted in her room when they were getting ready to leave (otherwise she would have put her shoes on and cried as she would have wanted to go too).
Mom and GD3 (9 months old in 2 days) are sleeping too. GD3 ‘put up a fight’ while in the swing, but when I put the music on - she quieted down to hear the music and fell asleep.
The Christmas gifts are getting well-played with. A few Christmas movies watched.
Not sure about DD1/SIL’s work schedule this coming week, and also the younger two with daycare - it will ‘coordinate’. We have things to make the day filled with fun and some structure for GD1, GS1, GS2 who are home with DH and me all week.
I’m sure it matters to few besides me, but the National Zoo is part of the Smithsonian, and all remain free to all, last I checked. I hope they will remain that way.
As seniors paying online, we paid $70 for going to San Antonio Zoo with DD1/SIL/kids. Going on Friday, it was really packed but thinned out a bit around 4 pm (it opened at 11 am). They were open late (with holiday lights) but many of the animals would not be out. They have a big gorilla area. We didn’t go into every area (like they had a reptile building and also butterfly building). Their zoo was very good - DD1/family got a year pass - hardly any more money than the one day (their two younger kids were free as under age 3). Before we left the zoo, we let the kids run around in their outdoor play area zone. We then went to an area where there are restaurants and indoor/outdoor seating - after 8 pm it was adults only, but we were done eating by 7:15 pm. The 4 kids had an incredible amount of energy still and ran around there too (there were a few other families there, and the couples having a drink did not seem bothered). The adults got adult beverages and relaxed! The zoo was a very full afternoon/early evening. We had a good lunch before we arrived. It was a hot day - maybe 80 degrees and sunny.
The bike riding for the older 3 kids went well today. Mom and Nana got a lot of things done around the house with just the 2 littles, who both took good naps.
Green Bay Packer game tonight - GS2 (age 4) was over-tired and acting out, so he had to be put to bed. The other 3 adults are avid Packer fans, and these grandkids are growing up as Packer fans. They have learned a lot with college football too - it seems DD1/SIL find the time to squeeze these games into their home schedule.
Yes, The National Zoo is part of the Smithsonian, but I tend to think of them as separate entities. Museum vs Zoo.
Everyone went to the Natural History Museum today. (Everyone = 5 adults and 6 kids aged 3-11)
Tomorrow is the Zoo.
The National Zoo is free, but visitors are required to make reservations in advance for timed entry passes. The number of daily entry tickets is limited and they do sell out on occasion.
I was wondering what advice you might have for a new grandma to be? We seem to have gotten off to a bad start and it has spooked me pretty badly.
S2/DiL live 200 miles away, so we won’t be around much. DiL has 3 or 4 friends with new babies. I would characterize our relationship with the couple as close and open. We will be the only grandparents.
Can you ask them what they want from you or expect from you? It may all change once the child is actually here but if they feel they are in control that may help them to just get through the pregnancy and maybe accept that your opinions might be helpful.
I had an (online) friend who adopted and swore she was going to do all the vaccinations one at a time (like no MMR but an M, and R and another R). Many of us tried to explain to her she’d be at the doctor’s office every week, especially as this child would need to do some ‘catch up’ vaccinations. Nope, she was going to do it. It lasted about 2 weeks! I think when she got the actual schedule from the doctor she realized it wasn’t doable.
@greenbutton I feel for you. You were surprised and didn’t react as you would have liked. I’ve been there, not about pregnancy but about a wedding. I promise I didn’t react well. But we got through it, time helps. I apologized and then tried to do things in a way that wouldn’t make things worse.
Also when a couple is just recently pregnant, they do and say a lot of things that may change in the future. Parenting is different than when we had kids, very different in some cases.
My son and dil are very careful to stop the car and have rest stops when traveling. They have so many rules that it prohibits traveling for the most part. Definitely to our side of the family. I can’t say that I love it, but I have come to terms with this is how it is and that I can’t change them.
My son and dil are extremely cautious parents, it’s who they are. We meet them where they are and if that makes us feel less than involved or invited, then I try my hardest.
I try not to blame one parent but to remind myself that they do things differently and that they love their daughter so much. As do my husband and I. She’s an extremely happy and loved child.
I just came back from an extended family vacation. My sister was there with her 2 grandchildren and I was there with mine. My sister and her H jumped every time their grandchildren showed up. They would feed the kids while the parents ate and took the kids out if they started to fuss. I, on the other hand, let D1 and her H took care of their kids and helped out when they asked. I took GD1 out for breakfast every morning so we could have some time alone and to give D1 a break.
I feel as a grandparent, I am always the secondary caretaker. I let D1 take the lead on hiw she wants to raise her kids.
My sister told me that she didn’t help out more then her son and DIL may not want to go in vacations with them.
I see DW and I in more of a relief pitcher role. If we are all hanging together, we step into care giving to give the parents a break. We definitely follow the parents lead on discipline issues and make sure that we are giving consistent messages.
I think that there are as many ways to grandparent as there are to parent.
Everyone has their own way
This may be an unpopular opinion but will say that I am more cautious in my behavior with my dil than I am with my daughter. There’s a more relaxed relationship between my daughter and I than there is between my dil and I. I have some insecurities about how I grandparent around my son and dil.
It makes sense as I’ve know one longer than the other.
My dil may have a bit of OCD, she is very particular with everyone especially my son. He is apt to go along with her in a way my son in law is not willing to with my daughter. My sil will call out my daughter when she is being ridiculous about how she wants things. My son never does with his wife.
All the kids and their SO’s can be particular about how they want things and how they interact. In completely different ways.
I hope this makes sense how I’m explaining things.
Posted this elsewhere (face hidden) - gd skiied into the trees and the deeper powder to follow DS and not only did both skis come off, so did one of her boots!
