Apologies if this is the wrong place for this ---- S/DIL1 are due w our first grandchild in about 6 weeks. They’ve asked for no visitors until well after the birth and S is hoping S2/DIL2 will come and meet the niece or nephew “soon” ( they live a flight apart)
S2 confessed privately that he and DIL2 have been trying almost a year, and while DIL2 is wanting to be supportive, they have entered the panicky stage and he thinks DIL2 just can’t meet a newborn right away. I said fine, I get that.
S1/DIL1 are asking questions about a group, I am not wanting to disclose confidences and deflect to “well, ask your brother” and that’s not working w the DIL, who wants plans and is irritated w the delay. Ideas?
I would simply say, “I am not in charge of your brother/SIL2’s plans or schedule. You two couples need to work out what’s best for both of you “ (both couples)
They are both adults! This would be my message to both sides!
I think that you don’t have to solve all the problems. You don’t have to be that person who has all the answers. You don’t need to be in the middle.
I wonder if dil1 is a highly anxious person who likes to be in control and needs to have the plan go her way.
Sometimes the plan can’t. Easy as that.
My daughter and her husband (they weren’t married yet) didn’t meet their niece until she was a couple of months old. Everyone was busy, they have jobs and stuff. It took a while to meet. It was fine. It worked out.
I wouldn’t try and solve problems. As hard as that feels. When S and dil1 ask, tell them to talk to the other couple.
Haha, great minds think alike @abasket. Except you are much more succinct lol!
thank you both – I really try to stick with you are all adults, don’t involve me but I was starting to think I was missing something. I will continue to tell the antsy DIL to ask the pertinent parties their plans, and continue to hug the other pair and reassure them sometimes these things take a bit of time. Imagine , I could go from no grandbabies to two!
My dil is an only child. She doesn’t have any experience with siblings. She doesn’t have experience not being the center of the universe so to speak. It’s interesting at times.
good point - my son is often exasperated with his SIL, the only child, but even that I have stayed far away from. As DH says, our kids don’t always agree with each other, and the wives are not going to either. Not my problem to solve, if it is even a problem.
Am I reading this wrong or does DIL1 want them to wait, but to come exactly when she wants them to? (say at 5 weeks but no more than 10 weeks?) I think she can’t have it both ways. If S2 and DIL2 want to wait until Nov or Dec, that’s up to them (their schedules, maybe her family’s schedule for weddings, events etc). Do they usually come to your area in the summer or would this be a special trip just to meet the baby?
Not everyone, even those not trying to have a baby, are all that excited to plan an expensive trip just to meet a new baby. Some people just aren’t that excited about babies and would rather wait to meet the new family member until they can combine the trip with another event like a wedding, a hs reunion, skiing, good beach weather.
I think one brother didn’t meet my kids until they were about 6 years old (at another brother’s wedding). He just didn’t come to Colorado often. Even brothers who were physically closer didn’t meet them immediately for different reasons. I sent pictures.
While expectant couples may have plans and preferences around visitors’ timing, there can be unanticipated variables that have them reassessing what’s optimal and the type of support needed postpartum. Helpful to both understand the parents’ wishes and be prepared to pivot if indicated. We wound up staying to help much longer than predicted and were glad we had cleared our schedules for a longer time frame ‘just in case’. Simultaneously, the readiness for additional in-house family visitors got pushed out a week or two. I stayed out of sibling visit scheduling snd they worked it out between them; flexibility made it all okay. Best with the upcoming grandchild.
D sent a video last night of the grands laughing and hamming it up together. I told her it appeared as if GS ( 10 months old) was “ in on the joke”. She responded back that he was the instigator!
GD ( who is almost 4) is now greeting me with a huge hug and saying “ I love you Mimi” . Some stages should never be grown out of.
D2 lives 10 minutes walking distance from D1. She sees her nieces a lot less than I do. D2 makes a point of showing up for all major events - recitals, birthdays, Halloween, etc. And also do some babysitting at night. But she and her H are very busy and the kids are not center of their lives.
@oldfort -sounds as if your D2 is pretty interested in her nieces. Even 10 minutes away , I would not expect her to be seeing them all the time.
I live 12 minutes (driving) away from my grands. I usually see them once a week, but not always due to travel. I love them so much, but they aren’t my entire life, either. Ironically, I was there for dinner last night and will see them the next 3 days.
I do think it’s typical for a sibling to take some interest in their siblings child/ren. S made a point of coming here to meet both of D’s kids soon after they were born.
Spent the rainy morning working in D1s backyard–prepping ground for grass and prepping part for pavers. GS was very helpful. He got to choose between crib nap and snuggle nap. I have been nap trapped for almost 2 hours
Little kid sent a picture of her offspring waiting for the annual check up with her pediatrician. This just turned 3 yrs old child dressed herself and picked her stylish ensemble all by herself! In a few years, she will be ready to head the fictional Runway magazine!
I got a text at 7:30pm asking if DgD-4 and dog could spend the night at my house due to urgent medical situation with DGs-6. Very convenient since they live next door! I of course said yes, and I had a very sleepless night next to a sweet GD. She was a good sleeper, but the dog whined often and I was worried about DGS, so didn’t sleep much. All ended up okay, and DGS did not have a MRSA. Phew!
Love it! Our local preschool moms group had stickers made that read “I dressed myself today!”. DD was always proud to put one on, and occasionally I wanted to hand one to DH
(Edited to apologize for posting this as I realized I did the same a few weeks ago)
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